Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Kira in the Car


Kira tells me that until yesterday, she didn't know this was a symbol for "throw your trash here," she thought it was a symbol for a story about a juggler giving up on his dreams.



Thursday, December 4, 2014

Justified

I really like chunky peanut butter.  I eat it every single day.  I also do all the grocery shopping.

One day, Mitch asked me to please buy some creamy peanut butter.  I scoffed.  Yeah, right.  Why in the HELL would anyone want that?  What's the point?  I didn't buy it.  He asked again.  I scoffed again.  I bought an industrial amount of chunky.  Then, a few months later it was time to buy more peanut butter.  Mitch, again, asked very nicely if I would please buy creamy peanut butter along with the chunky.  I said, "WHY do you want that?  Chunky is WAY better!"  He explained that he likes a small amount on his toast and he gets more than he wants with chunky.  Would I please just get some creamy?  So, being the dream wife I am, I got him some creamy.

Later that same night, Mitch came downstairs to watch TV with me and he had made himself a little snack: peanut butter toast with creamy peanut butter....  and he PUT NUTS ON TOP OF IT.

I looked at his toast.  He looked at me.  I looked at him, and I said, "I am going to kill you."




(I couldn't even find a stock internet photo of toast with creamy peanut butter with nuts sprinkled on it, BECAUSE NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DOES THAT!)

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Me and Amazon: Our First Fight

Christmas shopping begins!  (Ugh.)  I started by asking Amazon for exactly what I wanted by simply typing it in the search bar:



Ha. Ha. Amazon.  You're so funny.  





Yeah, that's right, Amazon, even though we've known each other for YEARS and YEARS, you apparently don't know me.  I do NOT NEED THERAPY.  Not even Street Therapy.  Thanks anyway, you snot.  









No, I didn't say you are NOT Lazy, Stupid or Crazy.  I said you ARE stupid.  Sooooooo stupid.  And Amazon, the Christmas shopping season is not the time to tell me that God thinks I'm stupid.  You're a real asshole.  







No, Stupid, you have to eat.  


Wait, no you don't.  




Geez!  Take it easy!  Cyberbully!



You win.  




(P.S.  I think it's kind of hilarious that it costs exactly $0.00 to read a book about why God thinks you're stupid.)

(That's IF you have KindleUnlimited, and if you do, God probably does think you're stupid.)