Another Adult Internet Friend Sending My Daughter Stuff In The Mail

If you work in a school, like I do, you hear lots of well-meaning advice about not giving too much information about yourself and -god forbid- your children out over the internet.  After all, it's a place jammed with predators just waiting for an address to be carelessly shared, or looking at Instagram pictures for a school sign or landmark so they can come and find you and your children and do unspeakable things. Right?

Not so much.

Well, not so far, anyway.

My daughter Kira is practically the star of this blog because she is so weird and funny.  I write about her a lot, and because of this she has some fans and friends who happen to be people she doesn't know who are adults.  Creepy?  Maybe a little.  But sweet all the same.  A few years ago Kira got a package in the mail from a blog follower, Jane.  Jane and Kira are two sides of the same coin.  Kira and I both thought sharing too much information about her was for the best when she got Jane's fake roach in the mail and Kira went on to scare the life out of my sister with it.  Win-win for everyone (except Beth).

Yesterday Kira got another package and a note in the mail from a blog friend.

It's from Kady from A Lady Reveals Nothing.  She remembered a post from last summer about how Kira longs for quality toilet paper and never gets it, and she sent her some (half a roll, but she'll take it where she can get it). Sure, Kady might have the handwriting of a serial killer, but her heart is in the right place.  The note and package made our day.  The fact that she said she's been "saving up" since last summer and "here is half a roll" cracked us all up.  I picture Kady getting a cardboard middle out of some public bathroom garbage can and diligently adding a few squares of Charmin to it every day.  The fact that the notecard has a pedophile van on it, and it says "Thinking of You" is still making me laugh.  (Maybe I shouldn't be a parent), and the fact that Kady has taken on the title of the "Fairy Toilet Paper Mother," made my day.

Thank you, Fairy Toilet Paper Mother, for sending my child a weird package in the mail based on what I overshare on the internet.  You are the BEST!  

Ask Hobo Siren

I was looking through old posts and found this one that I forgot about and I'm re-posting it because it cracks me up.  Since this post was written, I have learned to embed video too, so BONUS, the video is at the end! Enjoy!  (Thanks again, Summer!)

I wrote in to get some advice from Hobo Siren recently.  Today she answered my question with an amazing video blog that you can see here. (or at the end) Here's a screenshot of her:

Wait, that's not the best shot.  This is better:

Like how straight her teeth are?  Anyway, my question was:

Dear Hobo Siren,

There is a woman I see occasionally because she is a substitute teacher like I am.  I have known her for years but I don't remember her name.  In my head I call her "Wet Head" because her hair is dripping wet when she comes to school in the morning.  Seriously, it's like she stuck her head in a bucket right before she walked in the doors.  Is there any way I can tactfully ask her her name after all this time without it coming across as totally insulting?

Sincerely,

Forgetful

She gave me some great advice.  First of all this:

Coming to Hobo Siren with my query was half the battle.  She had a few different options for me to solve my problem, and she reassured me that not remembering Wet Head's name is not my fault.  I can't be expected to remember the stupid name of every person I work with for five years, now can I?

No.  I can't.

Like I said, she gave me a few different methods, and was helpful enough to tell me which methods probably wouldn't work.  That's a real time-saver.

She was even kind enough to act out the scenarios I might use to tactfully find out Wet Head's actual name using real names so as to make the scenarios even more realistic.

Fool proof!  Now I don't have to hide behind doors and sneak through hallways when I see the tell-tale trail of drips indicating that Wet-Head is in the building!  I have options!*  Thanks, Hobo Siren!

*(I'm just going to call her Jessica)

(Follow up:  Wet Head got married and got a real job so I never had to learn her name.)

Why having a large vocabulary is important

I was reading blogs this morning and came across this one from Kathleen at Brutalism:

Because I'm a teacher and I find the process of learning so innately beautiful, I will walk you through my particular learning process upon seeing this post.

First I read the title of the post and didn't get it.  I didn't know what a merkin was, but I was pretty sure it was a small pickle.  (I have subsequently found out I was thinking of a gherkin.)  Because I thought a merkin was a pickle, I didn't get why a person would donate hair to a charity called "Merkins of Hope."

Moving on.  I then looked at the picture of the sequined bacon and thought to myself, "mmmmmmm..........bacoooooooooonnnnnnn......."  and then saw that it was made by a company called Montabahn Pasties. I know what pasties are. I learned it the hard way. They are BOTH this:

teeny, usually tassled nipple covers mostly used by sex workers, AND ALSO THIS:

A meat pie.

For decades I thought the only noun form of  "pasty" was meat pie so you can imagine my confusion when I heard someone say, "... and then she walked in wearing nothing but pasties!"  Interesting.  

Anyway, back to the Brutalism blog post.  Because the bacon was of the sequined variety, and not the meat-pie variety, I made the assumption that this particular company was selling tiny nipple covers and not meat pies.  But then I thought, "But HOW does one wear this sequined bacon on their nipples?  It isn't exactly nipple-shaped and would look odd."  I was confused.  I totally didn't get it.  Then I looked back to see where I went wrong.  Kathleen gave credit for the title to 30 Rock.  I've seen every episode of 30 Rock and vaguely remember that quote, but didn't get it. I probably thought, "Why would Jenna donate her hair to a pickle company?"  Then I laughed because that would  be ridiculous!  Oh!  That's the joke! I get it!  (I thought).  

Then I saw that although the sequined bacon is made by a company that specializes in pasties (NOT the food kind), but the product is called a bacon MERKIN, not a bacon PASTY.  Perhaps I was wrong in making the assumption that a merkin is a small pickle.  On to Dictionary.com:

And then:

...Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........  I get it now!  Now it all makes sense!  The 30 Rock quote was NOT a joke about how ridiculous it would be to donate hair to a pickle factory, The sequined bacon is not meant to oddly hang off the nipples, and the post Kathleen wrote was about how wonderful Etsy is in that you can buy anything! Even bacon merkins!  

Although, mostly what I get out of this whole experience just makes me want this:

Bacon Gherkin

STFU, Parents

I found a new blog called STFU, Parents and I have been laughing all morning.  This is from the FAQ page on the blog:

What is STFU, Parents?

STFU, Parents is a submission-based blog that mocks parent overshare on social networking sites. It was created in March 2009 and is an entertainment destination for thousands of daily readers. Posts range from the ridiculous to the somewhat serious, and eating while reading is highly discouraged. You never know when you’re going to come across something like this. My apologies in advance.
If you’re new to the site, check out the End-of-Year Listicles here and here that feature some of each year’s best posts. To read about STFUP in the press, click here. Thanks for stopping by!

I just read this from the Language Butchery tab on the blog:

And I can't stop laughing.  Check them out.

Bad Girls

Summer of Hobosiren.com and Kady of ALadyRevealsNothing.com ....



(guess which one is an insomniac)

went on a trip.  Here's what happened...


Bad Girls from Summer Grimes on Vimeo.

I love these crazy ladies...

Azia's Fluff

Azia, who recently gave birth to a beautiful little baby boy (Congratulations, Azia and family), tagged me in THIS post on her blog and now I am instructed to answer the questions she answered from yet a different blog.  I don't know who made up these questions but I suspect it is someone teetering on the edge of a drug addiction, or playing with the idea of getting into the drug business.  Here goes!

How tall are you barefoot?
I'm 5'10 in my bare feet.  .... No wait, that's my ideal height for my weight.  Sometimes I forget.  I'm actually only 5'5.  Shit.

Have you ever smoked heroin?
I have never smoked anything, and even if I did, I don't know if I would do heroin.  I have seen people on TV (Albert from Little House on the Prairie) throw up from taking or withdrawing from hard drugs.  I would rather make out with my brother than throw up.  Sure, I don't even have a brother so that's kind of an empty threat, but still; if I had a brother, I bet I would not like the idea of making out with him.

Do you own a gun?
No.  (... see what I mean about the author of the questions dabbling in some drug business?  I think they are maybe just trying to recruit some "business associates" if you know what I mean.  I watch Breaking Bad, I know how these things work.)

Rehab?
Huh?  Is that a question?  Have I gone to rehab?  No.  And I wouldn't want to either because I hear it sucks.

Do you get nervous before things?
I get anxious when I anticipate events or activities.  That's why it was so hard to become a sub.  Still to this day, if I schedule a job weeks ahead of time I find myself dreading it, even if it's something I want to do.  If I schedule it the night before, I don't worry so much.  Don't have time.

What do you think of your friends?
I hate them.  Just kidding.  How do you think I'm going to answer that question?  If they are my friends, I think they are friendly and worth the time and effort of cultivating a relationship.  I love my friends.

What's your favorite Christmas song?
By far it is "Baby it's Cold Outside."  I like the duet part of it and I really love that it's not so much about Christmas as it is about date rape.  Nothing says "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" like date rape!

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I sometimes like coffee, but I really like lemon lift or orange flavored tea.

Do you do push-ups?
Sometimes.  The girl version.  I'm pretty good.

Have you ever done Ecstasy?
No.

Are you a vegetarian?
No.  I don't eat a ton of meat but I like it.  I had a frenemy once who went on a great rant one time when she popped in and I was making dinner (some sort of meat) and she said how she is a vegetarian because it is healthier and because she can't bring herself to eat anything "with a face."  A few months later she bought a livingroom set made of leather.  I would love to see what those cows looked like, you know without faces and all.  Or maybe she had no qualms about lounging on the dead, processed skin of things with faces.

Do you like painkillers?
I LOVE painkillers.  Who doesn't?  Who likes pain?  I carry ibuprofen with me everywhere.  Did you mean prescription painkillers?  Love those too.  Painkillers are a miracle.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
You mean Mitch?  Because he's the only one that's been interested in over a decade.  We sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" together and then there is no stopping him.

What time did you wake up today?
8:40.

Current worry?
Money, health, kids, rotten teeth... the usual.

Current hate?
Chest colds, rhubarb and hemorrhoids, and diarrhea.  (The first one because I have it now, and the second, third, and fourth because they are really hard to spell.  And they are also unpleasant.)

Do you own slippers?
Fuck yeah!

Do you burn or tan?
Both.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
"Baby it's Cold Outside"

How many TVs do you  have in your house?
One.

Do you wish on stars?  
Sometimes, but I have been known to mistakenly wish on the odd planet or plane or lamp post (my eyesight is BAD).  I don't know what becomes of those wishes.  I saw a UFO once but I didn't wish on it.  It was at about sunset time and I was driving.  It was flying above K-Mart.  Nobody believes me.

What song was played at your wedding?
No songs.  It was a courtroom quickie. (That's what she said.)

What song do you want played at your funeral?
Ballroom Blitz

Do you love someone?
Yes.

I think I am supposed to tag someone else to answer these questions now so if you are reading this, you are tagged.

Internet Predator, Shminternet Shmedator

When I started this blog my main reason was to write down the funny stories about my kids and husband.  People told me not to use our real names lest an internet predator come after us.  Mitch insisted he didn't want anything written about him on the blog and I was never ever to post any pictures of him!  It's been four years and  I've gotten exactly two nasty (hilarious) comments and I've made a bunch of friends.  Blogging has been pretty sweet.  Kira even has fans.  She says she hates when I write about her, but whenever she says anything that makes me laugh she says, "Don't write that on your blog!" but then later she asks.  "Did you put that on your blog???  Did I get any comments???"

Recently her biggest admirer, Jane, sent her a special present.  It was addressed to her and there was an envelope in the package that said, "TOP SECRET."  Mitch said, "Oh great, people from the internet are sending our daughter secret packages." Jane assured me that there were no razors or cocaine in the envelope so I let Kira have it.  (If it had razors and cocaine in it, I would have kept it for myself.  I'm extremely hairy and disappointingly sober these days.)  In it there was a plastic cockroach much like this:

but not exactly like this.  The one Jane sent is much more elegant, but I can't get a picture of it because Kira is sleeping with it and I would rather touch a real cockroach than wake her up to ask her where her fake roach is.

Anyway, there was a note with the roach that said:

Enclosed is my friend, Steve the Cockroach.  You can name him whatever you want.  

I have had SO much fun hiding Steve around the house and scaring people.  He is great in the silverware drawer, a drawer in the bathroom...... in the butter.....

The best, is where you're out to eat.  I put him between a friend's toast one time at breakfast and when she picked up the toast she screamed her head off.  Then the waitress came running over and she screamed.  I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.  

Steve is also fun to hide on your plate, under your salad or vegetables, then call your Mom over and ask what it is.......

I'm sure you'll think of many ways to scare everybody!  Enjoy!!! And take good care of my buddy Steve!

It's amazing how someone who has only read stories about her on the internet can know her so incredibly well.  Kira and Jane are kindred spirits.  She could not have gotten a more perfect present.  Thankfully I was there when she opened it so I was spared having the life scared out of me by a strategically-placed Steve, but my sister was not so lucky.  Kira's latest thing is to hold a closed fist out and say, "Here," to any willing dupe.  When I was still falling for this ploy, I was handed a Daddy-Long-Legs, some seeds, a rock, and an enormous slug that I still can't believe she touched.

Beth came over to my parents house one day and Kira saw a golden opportunity.  She put Steve in her hand and casually said, "Here, Beth." Beth said she had a funny feeling but ignored it and held her hand out to receive what Kira had to offer.  When she saw the roach she screamed louder than the all the Mandrake babies in Harry Potter put together.  It was deafening.  Kira was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of her mouth, her nostrils were flaring and her face was bright red.  She couldn't breathe.  It was the best prank ever.  We all (except Beth) enjoyed it. Thanks, Jane!

So, in my experience putting all kinds of information about your kids on the internet has been a good thing (unless you're Beth) and I would recommend it to anyone.

Nicknames I've given to my body parts based on Kady calling her crotch, "Old Friend"

Kady wrote a hilarious story about how she was telling her crotch to toughen up because she isn't going to break down and buy fully padded bike shorts for a bike race she is going to be in and she told it (her crotch) to, "Toughen up, Old Friend," and I thought that was funny because 1) she nicknamed her crotch, and 2) she considers her crotch an old friend, and 3) a legless man on an arm-powered bike overheard the "Toughen up, Old Friend" part and now he thinks she was talking to him and probably thinks she's a totally insensitive leg-snob.  That made me think of what I might nickname some of my body parts after having lived with them for forty-odd years.  Here's the list:

Left hand - "Lefty"

Right hand - "Writey" (get it?)

Eyes - "Stevie" (Wonder) and "Ray" (Charles)

Nose - "Smell Smith"

Mouth - "disgusting bacteria hole"

Teeth - "Chalky buddies"

Boobs - The "Litchfield Two"

Nipples - The "Denver Three"

Legs - "Logs"

Bladder - "Impatient Bitch"

Crotch - "Old Faithful"

Uterus - "Bleedy"

Cervix - "The-organ-that-better-watch-its-back-because-if-I-have-to-endure-one-more-abnormal-pap-it's-total-hysterectomy/incinerator-time."

Fat Cells - "The Irrepressible Billion"

Head Hair - "The Totally Repressible Five"

Unwanted Body Hair - "The Incredible Forest of Stumpy Insect Legs"

Left foot - "Fred" (Flinstone)

Right foot - "Barney" (Rubble)

Bloggin' Wednesday! : Inspiration Strikes. In The Kneecaps

This week's Bloggin' answers are brought to us from Andie at Inspiration Strikes. In the kneecaps.  Thanks Andie!  If you want to submit your answers, email them here.

1.  Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you choose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it or got some horrible feedback?

If there is one thing thing this blog has, it is a distinct lack of any sense of cohesion or unifying theme.  Maybe if there is a mommy/feminist/humor/music nerd/writing/movie nerd/social issues niche I might kind of be able to wedge myself in there.  When I started copying my old blog at MySpace over to Blogger, there were a few really personal posts that I had written during a time when I had control over the privacy of individual posts.   Blogger's all-or-nothing approach to privacy settings is one of the things that kind of irks me.

I don't think I've ever pulled a post, but I came close after writing about a district that wanted to ban Aldous Huxley's Brave New World for being racist and I was all "Blahblahblah, totally NOT racist!" and then a commenter came back with "Uh yeah. Definitely racist," complete with quotes from offending passages at which point I ended up looking like a complete tool, and a privileged one at that.

2.  Do you read a lot of other blogs?  How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?

I wish I actively read all the blogs on my blog roll, since they are all well-written.  I used to read tons, but I got chastised at work (oops!) for the amount of blog reading I was doing. My roll has about 30 blogs on it, maybe 20 of which are fairly active.  I've cut back to just reading in the evening, which doesn't leave much time and leaves even less time to comment.  There are a couple writers that I am friends with on Facebook or follow on Twitter, but mostly I kind of lurk or stick to communicating through the comments.

3.  Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?

I try to comment as often as i can but after a while I feel silly repeatedly going "haha! Too funny!" or "Very interesting," so I end up not commenting unless I have something to contribute to the conversation.

4.  How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?

Ha ha, what kind of comments? I don't know.  Maybe 5 or 6.  I like comments, even negative ones, that contribute to the discussion on the more serious posts.  There's also this weird aspect where I assume that my readership is pretty much limited to the people commenting and I continually end up surprised and a little self-conscious when I find out people are reading - people whom I had no idea; people at work, distant relatives, parents of my kids friends etc.  Most, when revealed, are pretty cool and have positive feedback, but a few have shaken their head at me.  I like people to comment once in a while just to let me know they are reading.

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?

I'm so terrible for this.  No, hardly ever.  Again, I will if I'm responding to a point that has been made, or if someone leaves a really nice comment I might say thank you.  Sometimes it's a time constraint whereas other times it's that thing where I feel I'm repeating myself and being disingenuous.

6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?  

I'm sitting at 121 according to the Google friend connect.  As the old saying goes, "If you build it, they will come."

7.  How do you promote your blog?

I spam the shit out of my Facebook and Twitter feeds.  Oh, just kidding.  I have Networked Blogs, which posts to both of them automatically.  I usually post a second time straight to Facebook, since I'm never sure if people who don't have Networked Blogs installed can see them the first time.  Feministe has a feature called Shameless Self Promotion Sunday so anytime I have a relevant topic I will post there.  If I've written about a band or a movie or something to that effect I will also Tweet them or post to their Facebook wall.  Most times they don't respond, but other fans (or detractors) will have good feedback.  In some cases it gets quite hilarious. Back at Christmas I called out Christopher Titus (a comedian who had a short-lived sitcom back in the late 90s) about a rant against atheists on his Facebook page, and he came back and continued to rant in my blog comment section. It was rather funny and sad.

Lastly, if someone has CommentLuv installed I will leave comments because then they link back to your most recent post.  I've gotten many referrals from The Bloggess' site that way. I've also found many other good blogs that way.  It's a matter of having eye-catching and/or baffling titles for your posts that will have people curious to read more.

8.  Do you write for any other sites?

I do a weekly post at Different Paths, Same Destination, which is a weight-loss blog I writing with B at The Opposite of That, Mrs One Day at One Day I'm Gonna, JJ at Simple Musings and Bea Beautiful at Diary of a Fat Girl.  It's been an interesting experience as I think we're all coming at the weight loss thing from slightly different perspectives so it makes for a lot of unique topics.  They are great women to write with and I'm enjoying the experience.  I also did my first guest post a few weeks ago at Best Of Fates.  I love the way Megan interacts with her guest posters right in the post itself.  She's hilarious.

9.  What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?

I like that it's an outlet for my thoughts, creative processes etc.  I like that through blogging I've discovered that I actually am a pretty good writer.  I can entertain. I can make people think and question their previously held assumptions.  Through some of the blogs I have read I have had some of my own assumptions blown out of the water.  The whole thing is a learning process.  I can put thoughts out there and find that I am not the only one that sees the world this way.

On the flipside, the blogosphere can be, at times, one big game of ass-grab, a circle jerk of sorts.  It can be very cliquey.  I'm one that enjoys reading comments sections, but so many of them end up being the same group of people fawning all over the OP.  Positive feedback is great but it gets tiring to see 20-30 comments that are all "Ahahahaha you're so FUNNY!!" and "OMG I WANT TO BE YOUR INTERNET-PSUEDO-HETEROGIRLFRIEND!!1!1!!"

10. What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE when you see on a blog?  What do you like to see on a blog?

My first advice would be to find your own voice.  Don't try to copy or evoke other popular bloggers.   Proofread.  Always proofread.  If you aren't confident in your own proof-reading abilities, then get someone else to do it.  Shitty spelling and grammar (although I am not immune to this) can be irritating as all hell.  A typo here and there isn't horrible but if I am continually cringing when I read a blog, I will stop reading.

I'm not a big fan of give-aways and promotions.  I read blogs to read other people's perspectives, or for a laugh.  Also, keep your layout fairly simple.  I recently gave my blog an overhaul in order to lose the 15-year-old-goth-girl vibe.  Now it's a little more suitable to a 30-something year old.  I think.  I hope.

Bloggin' Wednesday! : Life Is Good

Today is my last Bloggin' Wednesday unless someone sends me some more answers.  Send them here.  It's never too late to send them in to me though.  Email me!  Today's Bloggin' answers come from Anne at Life Is Good.  Thanks Anne!

1. Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you chose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it?

I'd say my blog would fit into the humor genre.  I try to write about personal experiences, family life, what makes me happy or not so happy.   For me, most of the time it's easier for me to write it rather than say it out loud.  I think I have retracted a post once or twice, just because I maybe went a little too far.  (Usually re: my MIL).  I have removed my link to my blog off of my facebook profile page because I sorta want to "control" who reads my posts. 

2. Do you read a lot of other blogs? How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?

I follow about 20 blogs.  Not all of them everyday, and some I never miss.  I prefer humor blogs because as a SAHM, I need all the laughter I can get my hands on.  I have contacted probably half of them and have always had great responses.   I suppose sometimes I am a lurker, but only to blogs that I accidentally stumble upon. 

3. Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?

Yes, I just can't help myself!

4. How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?

I'd give it a 5.  I love getting comments, but that's not really why I blog.   It's just something that I do for myself, if others want to chime in, fine.

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?

I try to!  But sometimes there isn't enough time in the day for a response, and I sorta feel like there's a statute of limitations there....  after a few weeks, it's past time to respond.

6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?

There are 8 followers on my blog listed, but there are a few others that don't follow publicly.  (Is that a word?)  I emailed my link to friends and family.

7.  How do you promote your blog?

Um, I don't.  (refer to answer to question #4)

8. Do you write for any other site?

The Chunkersons.

9.  What is your favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?

Favorite thing:  venting. 

Least favorite thing:  typing!!

10.  What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE to see on a blog?  What do you like?

My advice would be to write what you want, when you want.  I hate when things seem forced.  I like when bloggers are very real and give great detail about their personal lives, because sometimes I feel like I'm the only person going thru all this life crap...it's nice to know I'm not alone. 

X is for not a lot of things that I want to write about

I went to Mount Vernon on Tuesday.  It was wonderful.  Actually, at first it was kind of annoying because I got there at the same time as about 15 school groups.  I went through the house in the middle of one of those stupid groups.  It was crowded and LOUD.  Annoying.

Look at that line.  Ugh.

Then I decided that most of those groups would be there and gone in the morning so I walked down to the wharf and pioneer farm and kicked around down there for a while. Most of the school groups were staying at the mansion and at the barns so I was out of the crowd anyway.  I met a docent in the replica slave cabin who was answering questions for people.

When I got there he was telling a few ladies about slave-life on Mount Vernon, and then those ladies left and it was just me and him.  I asked him how he knows all that he knows and he told me his personal story of learning about George Washington and falling madly in love with him (he didn't exactly say it that way.) It was a total George Washington geek/love fest.  I could have talked to him all day, but I only stayed until more people came and wanted to ask him questions.

Then I went to pioneer farm and walked around a little.

That's the sixteen sided threshing barn back there.  They put the wheat stalks on the floor and then horses come in and stomp it by running around the circle and the wheat kernels fall through the cracks in the floor and the workers collect it and then sift it and the seeds fall out of their shells and viola, wheat seeds.  Oh, George, you were so smart.

Then I went to the wharf on the Potomac to kill some more time until the school groups left.

I saw that big boat and asked about it and apparently they give tours every forty five minutes that take you around the river in front of the mansion a bit, and down the river far enough to see D.C. in the distance.  I got on with a family of hillbillies.  I know they were hillbillies because they talked and looked like hillbillies.  There was a chain-smoking mom and dad, and five boys between the ages of 8 and 12.  When the tour started everyone went on the top deck to see the sights and listen to the tour guide.  The stupid hillbilly kids were running around playing tag and yelling so loud and being so obnoxious we couldn't hear the tour.  Their parents were no where to be seen and nobody else was saying anything so I told them to stop running around and be quiet.  What?  Somebody had to do it.  They didn't stop running around but they were quiet.  No, I didn't trip them when they ran past me, but I considered it.  Pretty soon they left the upper deck and it was peaceful and we saw the mansion from the river.

Nice huh?

When we were pulling back up to the pier, I noticed that there was an osprey nest on some of the pilings.  I know it was an osprey because the guy I said, "Hey, look at that big bird!  What kind is it?"  He said it was an osprey and who am I to argue?

Can you see her in the middle?  She's kind of looking out at us like, "Hey, get the eff away from my nest, you rubbernecks."

By that time it was afternoon so I decided it was safe to go back up to the main part of the estate.  It was safe.  Most of the school groups were gone.  

For some reason, I'm extremely interested in the outhouses.  Here is a picture of the back of one:

See those little brown doors?  Those open up so the lucky lucky slaves could periodically go in and empty the catch basins so that they didn't have to dig big holes and move the bathrooms when they got full.  People would go to the bathroom either in there, or if it was the middle of the night or winter or something, they used chamber pots.  Yuck.  Here's a view of the inside of the bathroom:

Yeah, that's right, three holes.  HOW could anyone do that?  I wouldn't want to poop simultaneously, in the same room as anyone, even George Washington.  So I asked myself a Would You Rather question:  Would I rather not meet George Washington (I know he's dead), or magically meet someone who has been dead for 200 years BUT I could only talk to him while we were both pooping in his three-hole outhouse.  It's a tough one.  I think I'd rather not meet him.  

I thought I should go on the mansion tour one more time since I probably won't be back for a long time.  I am so glad I did.  I was practically alone.  I got to talk to the docents about stuff and when I got to the end, in GW's study, where he spent so much of his time, the docent stepped out and I WAS TOTALLY ALONE IN GEORGE WASHINGTON'S STUDY!  No, YOU shut up!  It was so fabulous, it was just me and his presidential chair and desk, and his books and his pictures and everything.  I'm really glad I decided to go through the house again.  I don't have pics of the inside because we aren't allowed to take pictures inside, so too bad for you.  I guess you'll have to go see for yourself.  

Then I went through the museum and educational center and shops.  I bought a lot of stuff.  It was a great day.  It's one of my favorite places in the world.  

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ATTENTION!!!!

SYLVIA NEY is So... what else?'s ONE HUNDREDTH MEMBER!  YAAAAYYYY, SYLVIA!!!!  You win the give-away of one of my cheap magnets from the So... what else? store.  Sylvia, email me at pluvial124@gmail.com and tell me which one you want (or I could just surprise you) and tell me where you want it sent.  

Thanks to Sylvia and all the people who come here and see what I'm up to every day!  I really appreciate you guys!  

V is for Violin, and Vivacious and VD! It's also Bloggin' Wednesday! : Tilte at Things I Like To Eat (And Other Nonsense)

This week's Bloggin' survey answers are brought to us by the lovely Tilte from Things I Like To Eat (...And Other Nonsense).  Check out her Blog!  


If you still want to send in your answers to the Bloggin' questions, it's not too late.  Email me at pluvial124@gmail.com.

1.  Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you choose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it or got some horrible feedback?
I think my blog niche would be "life". Unless, of course, there's a niche for "colonoscopies, estate sales, & Uncrustables".

Originally, I wanted to post solely about food- whether that was restaurant reviews, recipes, whatever. But then I realized there were funny/ notable/ interesting things happening that didn't involve food, but I still wanted to write about them. I also realized I don't have nearly enough money to support the restaurant habit I had originally envisioned. 

I've never pulled a post. Once it's up, it's up. I HAVE received some negative comments in the past. But with blogging, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

2.  Do you read a lot of other blogs?  How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?
I follow a lot of blogs. But I'd say there are about 15-20, give or take, that I read on a regular basis. The others either don't blog too often, or their content has changed, or maybe I've just lost interest but still support them.

I actually HAVE met up with some bloggers in real life! I attended BlogHer '11 and met up with bloggers whom I'd already "known" through the internet, as well as others whom I'd never heard of but ended up really liking. If BlogHer '12 was being held in CA, I would have definitely attended. But since that shit's expensive and I have dog food to buy, I won't be making it this year.

3.  Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?
I try to comment on the blogs that I really like (or the blogs of bloggers that I really like). I also comment if the topic or story naturally gets my brain going on a response that I think is worth sharing.

4.  How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?
I think every blogger secretly wants comments like they want a million dollars. Depending on the day, I might feel more okay with not getting comments because the post might have been something that was done more for my own sake. Like a diary entry. Other days, I'm more like "Yes! THIS IS A GEM! My readers are going to be all over this!! :::refresh refresh refresh::: " WTF! How come no one's commenting??? Assholes."

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?
I'm really bad at this. I wish I was more on top of things and responded to every comment. However, what usually happens is- I approve comments throughout the day on my phone. By the time I get home from work, I'm like a zombie and the LAST place I want to be is in front of my computer. So, while I love reading what people have to say about any particular post I've done, I'd say I usually only respond to about half. :::cue sad trumpet:::
  
6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?  
I have 169 followers through Blogger. 

At first, I used the old "find a blog, join, comment, expect the same in return" technique. But that was when my employment situation required like 1% of my day and I was also in a stupid marriage. So basically, I had all the time in the world. 

Since then, I've guested on a few blogs and joined a few collaboration blogs. I also try to keep my Twitter and Facebook accounts up to date with statuses that aren't just blog-post related. If my readers are anything like me, they're nosy as shit and want to know more about the bloggers they follow. Also, I think it makes us more relateable when readers see that we're serving Lucky Charms for dinner or that the toilet overflowed (again).

7.  How do you promote your blog?
Are Facebook and Twitter considered "promoting the blog"? If so, that's how. I've also been meaning to do a giveaway, but since I'm sure no one wants any of the junk I have laying around here, it's still "in the works" at this point.

8.  Do you write for any other sites?
No. I was one of the original contributors at Sprocket Ink, but my work just got too hectic for any blog that required commitment, scheduling, or thinking.

9.  What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?
Hm, this is a tough one because I really like a lot of things about blogging. I'm going to say my favorite aspects of blogging would be 1) sharing stories, 2) hearing how others relate to my stories, 3) making internet friends, 4) reading other people's funny stories, 5) honing my writing style.

My least favorite things about blogging are 1) not having enough time to blog as often as I'd like, 2) taking pictures of EVERYTHING I do just in case it turns out to be blog worthy.

10. What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE when you see on a blog?  What do you like to see on a blog?
My advice to potential bloggers would be: Don't expect to have a million followers/ comments over night. That shit only happens in Hollywood movies. (But if it actually DOES happen to you, make sure to let me know what you've done to get it that way.)

What do I hate to see on a blog: 1) White text on black background, 2) Music players that load right when you open the page, 3) glittery stuff, 4) thousands of self-absorbed pictures of the blogger.
What do I like to see on a blog: 1) STUFF THAT MAKES ME LAUGH, 2) affordable items (if it's a user review), 3) photos that show me more about the blogger's life.