Reasons I Hate to Fly

1.  Being off the ground
2.  Going fast
3.  Waiting in line at security for 45 minutes only to be searched because I forgot about a can of Diet Coke in my purse.  Then having the smartass TSA lady say, "You wanna go back out and drink this?"  
4.  Taking off.
5.  As I'm gripping the armrests upon landing, overhearing a flight attendant say, "Well, I've never been in wind like this before.  Ever."
6.  Watching people who hold up the entire "deplaning" process because they forgot which overhead bin they put their giant suitcase in an hour before.
7.  Looking to see which gate my connecting flight is at on the big board: A8.  Looking to see which gate I'm currently at: A76.  Looking at my watch to see that I have 15 minutes to cover approximately 2 miles of airport carrying the heaviest carry-on in the world.
8.  The free-flowing sweat from running 2 miles in the airport carrying heaviest bag in the world and wearing every bulky thing I'm bringing that I didn't want to pack. Discovering my deodorant isn't all that effective under pressure.
9.  Sitting next to a claustrophobic nerd who is reading a book about Facebook and marking it with little tiny sticky-flags and saying, "Oh," and "Huh!" and "Wow.." every five seconds while reading it.  Nothing is that interesting.
10.  Landing.
11.  Sitting on the tarmac for an extra 45 minutes after landing with Claustrophobic Nerd who is on the edge of a major panic attack, and thinking of giving him the idea of popping out the door and activating the big slide so we can get the hell out of there.