NOOO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T DO IT!

Chicken vs. Swampy

Willow Tree girl #1 (Reba): Susan, I think we should stay away from Swampy. What began as a dark and brooding mysteriousness, has turned into a dark and not-so mysterious violence against Willow Trees. We have to protect ourselves, and that family behind us! ... It's really dusty on this shelf...

Willow Tree girl #2 (Susan) : Oh Reba, I think you may be right. Last night he came up to me and said, "Gimme Five!," and then he slapped a plate of macaroni and cheese right out of my hands! He laughed and laughed, but I didn't find it very funny. I wanted that macaroni and cheese! You're right, it is dusty on this shelf.

Swampy: Hey! What are you talking about!

Susan: Oh no! Look out!

Reba: Dust! We were talking about dust!

Swampy: You're a trouble maker! I'll show you!

Reba: Why is it always by the face! It's so humiliating and your hands are kind of disgusting. Aaaahhhhh! (falls off the shelf)

Swampy: Now Susan, tell me you're not going to listen to Reba, or you'll be heading off the shelf too.

Susan: Um.... Uh? (whimper) Boy, sure is dusty up here today!

Chicken: Bock.

Chicken: I think you should leave the lady alone.

Swampy: What what what?

Susan: Oh Chicken! My hero!

Chicken: I'm ready for you this time, Slimey. I brought my specially trained sea turtles that I befriended while I was out at sea. BOCK BOCK! Attack, boys!

Swampy: Aaahhh! You'd think it would be more logical for turtles to be on my side, wait, one of these is actually a tortoise, how did you meet him at sea? They're land dwellers, oh, never mind. Susan, Help!

Chicken: That's right boys, dangle him now. See ya later Swampy! Don't come back soon!

Swampy: Ow... good one.


Willow Tree girls: Ohhhhh Pirate Chicken! You saved Willow tree land!

Chicken: Excuse me girls, I have something I have to do.

Chicken: Good boys! You get extra macaroni and cheese tonite!

The End

(Don't judge me! It's fifty degrees outside! I'm bored!)

Swampy needs anger management

When I was getting ready for bed last night I noticed that another one of Mitch's toys was making the move on my Willow Tree figurines. This one is a bald, one-eyed, peg-legged, hook-winged, red headed, pirate chicken. Mitch bought it at the dollar store because it was a bald, one-eyed, peg-legged, hook-winged, red headed, pirate chicken. The Willow Tree girls seem to like him. But look who has noticed:

It's Swampy, and he's not too happy about it.

Confrontation!

Swampy: What in the HELL do you think you're doing moving in on my girls, you messed up freakshow!

Chicken: Aaaarrrggggghhh! They seem to be liking me, Matey! I have chest hair! Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier! BOCK!

Willow Tree #1: Swampy, please, we were just talking!

Swampy: (to Willow Tree girl) SHUT UP! Did I ask you? NO! (to Chicken) You better get outta here or else..

Chicken: Or else what? BOCK! What could you possibly do to me that hasn't already been done, huh?

Swampy: I'll show you!

Willow Tree #2: Oh Swampy! My Hero!

Chicken: Hero? What the heck? Does this mean we're not going out on Friday, Susan?

Willow Tree #2: I like a man who can handle himself. (swoon)

Willow Tree #1: Hey Susan, you idiot! He just pushed me down by the face! I thinks that's a red flag!

Willow Tree #2: I can fix him....


Willow Tree #2: Go Swampy, Go!

Swampy: Take that!

Chicken: Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh! Me hook, it's stabbing me in me gizzard!


Chicken: Don't drop me! I'm afraid of heights! Walking the plank is how I lost me drumstick! Also, I'm afraid of alligators!


Swampy: He's gone girls, now it's just you and me.

Willow Tree Girls: Ohh Swampy!

Chicken: This will not stand. Nobody pushes Pirate Chicken around and gets away with it..... Nobody..... bock...

To be continued.....

Swampy makes his move

Swampy

I was just getting ready for bed and I noticed next to my junk box in my bookshelf that Mitch's Swampthing (affectionately known to us as "Swampy") toy was sitting on the lap of my Mother with Children Willow Tree figurine along with the children. That made me laugh. We have Swampy because Mitch's company's name is Swampthing Environmental, so he collects Swampythings. This particular one has come in very handy over the years. He's very bendy so he is good for recreating falls and accidents for those who weren't there to witness them personally.

It was especially handy when I sprained my ankle falling down the steps:

(Remember, Swampy is me) Me: Oh! I misjudged and there is one more step, this is bad! I'm holding a pair of scissors in my hand! (not pictured) What if I stab myself? Oh no! Oh no!

Ow! Ow! My ankle doesn't bend this way! My foot is breaking off! "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!"

This is the worst pain anyone has ever felt EVER! Call 911!

Is my foot still attached? I think it isn't! Did I hear it crack? Did I actually hear bones crack? Is this what a compound fracture feels like?

See, it comes in handy.