We have a new channel called Retro Television and it has all kinds of shows from the 70s and 80s. Mitch's new favorite is Ironside. Here are five things I have learned after watching a few minutes of it and talking it over with Mitch, and then double checking using Google:
1. Ironside is the character's actual name. As in Jeff Ironside. I always thought it was the nickname, Ironsides, referring to the metal sides of his wheelchair. I thought it was weird that everyone called him Chief Ironside. That would be like my sister calling that guy she knows at work whose nickname is Pignuts, "Mr. Pignuts" or "Chief Pignuts." Not very professional if you ask me. And also confusing. What are we supposed to think when the writers name him an obscure name like Ironside and then put him in a wheelchair?
2. Ironside is played by Raymond Burr and not Orson Wells like I always thought. I said something about it being Orson Wells and Mitch said, "It's not Orson Wells! It's the same guy who played Perry Mason!" I said, "Yeah... I know... Orson Wells."
(Ironside and Perry Mason)
3. Orson Wells does not play Perry Mason, Raymond Burr did that too.
4. After looking on Google, I also learned that Orson wells was not Mr. French on Family Affair either!
5. Orson Wells wasn't nearly the prolific an actor I thought he was.
(NOT Perry Mason, NOT Ironsides, NOT Mr. French)
Mitch has given up Diet Coke. I never thought I'd see this day. Actually it's been about two weeks, and I thought he'd cave in by now, but he hasn't. He's drinking water now. Before when I would offer to get him a glass of water when he was thirsty he would say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty!" He says he has given up pop for his health, but I don't think that's the real reason. Here's the real reason: A few weeks ago he was drinking one of his last pops and I heard him whimper and then I heard a loud TING! I looked at him and his eyes were watering. One of his mustache hairs got caught in the tab and it got pulled out. I think he's still mad at Diet Coke for that.
We are spending our weekend on yard projects. Yesterday Mitch got a dump truck load of black dirt so we could fix up our garden. It's not much of a garden, just a little thing on the side of the garage, (it's still more than I can handle) but the dirt has disappeared over the years and the paint on the garage was peeling and dirty so that whole area looked terrible. Here's what it looked like before:
Notice the peeling paint and the lack of dirt and the weeds. So much dirt was lost you can see the foundation of the garage. Not anymore! Mitch and I painted the garage, and then he made a rock border and filled the garden in with new dirt. Here's what it looks like now:
I don't even want to plant anything in it because I think it looks so nice with just the fresh black dirt. Unfortunately there is a lot of dirt left over. Probably another garden's worth.
Anyone want some free dirt?
Notice the tents in the yard behind the dirt? The kids put them up yesterday and thought it would be a great idea to sleep out there! I thought they were crazy for even thinking it, but I told them they could. So they jumped on the trampoline until about 9:00 and then went to bed. They had only their chintzy little Walmart sleeping bags and pillows. They lasted out there until 6:00 this morning and then they came in the house. I got up at 3:00 and checked the temperature and it was 40 degrees. I was tempted to check on them to make sure they weren't hypothermic, but I stopped myself. People survive in 40 degree temps all the time and I bet they only wished they were in their parent's front yard and had Walmart sleeping bags! I checked on the kids at about 9:30. Here they are:
I don't think Sam has slept past 8:30 in his entire life. He said he was tired because he pitched his tent on a slope and his sleeping bag kept sliding so he'd wake up every few hours and have to claw his way to the other side of the tent.
Kira is still sleeping. Notice all the blankets she has piled on her bed. She must have been freezing. I like that the tent makes her so tired. I think I might tell her she can't sleep in it again. That will ensure that she really wants to, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I like when she uses her incredible stores of energy on keeping her body warm instead of driving me crazy.
Today I'm going to mow the lawn, and do some other stuff on my long long list of outdoor projects. I wore my hat yesterday and it was fantastic. My face is still the delicate alabaster it was all winter, but I forgot I was wearing it and went to Home Depot and by the time I realized I was still wearing it, it was too late to take it off because I had hat hair. People kept staring at me like they thought I was Jennifer Aniston. NO, I'M NOT JENNIFER ANISTON, I'M JUST DOING YARD WORK! Man did I get sick of saying that.
I found this on Failblog a few days ago and I keep going back to it to look at it again because it tickles me. I picture some poor person in a wheelchair zinging down that ramp and going thirty miles an hour into the street.
When you think about it, it's not funny at all. Totally inappropriate to laugh at that.
Then I think of the poor wheelchair guy who tries to wheel up that incline (what would you say that is, about 45 degrees?) and then I chuckle again imagining him tipping over onto his back like a turtle, or almost getting to the top, after a lot of exertion, and not quite making it at the end and again, zinging into the street, only backwards this time.
Again, not really funny at all. INAPPROPRIATE TO LAUGH AT! This picture actually just makes me realize what a rotton person I am. (Then I laugh some more!)
This is my summer look this year. I got the hat at Shopko today because I need a wide brim to protect the delicate skin on my face from the harmful UV rays of the sun. The glasses are from the dollar store, can you believe it? They are sunglasses that go over regular glasses! Cool huh?
I picked Sam up like this today and he said, "....What.. are you wearing?" Kira says I look weird but she couldn't wait to try on the hat. I think if you blur your eyes a little and look at me with your peripheral vision, I look glamorous.
It was supposed to be twenty degrees this morning when we got up. It wasn't. It's a warm day so Mitch taught Sam to use the lawn tractor and he mowed the middles of all the lawns. He was SO EXCITED about it. Now I just have to go around and do the edges and around the obstacles and try to avoid getting strangled to death by the birch tree. I narrowly avoid that every year. I also put out the hummingbird feeders. I hang one of them under the eave on the deck and every summer Mitch runs into it a million times and it spills a little out on his head and then he gets all sticky and cranky. He says I'm being passive aggressive by hanging it there, I say it's hung at eye level so just OPEN YOUR EYES.
The yard is shaping up and summer is starting. Ahhhh.... feels so good.
Yesterday we were running errands and Kira found some of the first dandelions of the season so she picked them. She was sitting in the back seat of the car and she was yakking away about how she loves the smell of dandelions and she can't seem to smell them enough, blah blah blah. I looked back at her and she had two dandelions stuffed up her nose, the stems dangling. I told her to stop it. I was grossed out thinking of all the teeny tiny bugs that live in dandelions. So she yanked them out and then did the "Mama had a baby and her head popped off" thing and flicked the flowers off the stems. Only she did it when we were stopped at a stoplight and she flicked them out her window and aimed (and hit with surprising velocity) the driver's window of the car right next to us. The guy in the car was flinching like we were shooting at him. Relax, guy, its just an obnoxious 9 year old with dandelions. He probably saw them in her nose.
We got out at the bank and I looked at her face and all around her mouth and nose was bright yellow.
I joined Twitter a while back but only two people I know are members, and they NEVER update their status, so it's kind of boring. I started following MPR's tweets and also Hugh Jackman's tweets (yes, they are called tweets, get with it!) and today I was bored at work so I read a series of posts right in a row. When I looked at myself in the frame of MPR/Hugh Jackman/me and our Twitter posts, I look like a total moron. Here's a little sample of the posts:
MPR: FDA takes issue with Cheerios health claims
Hugh Jackman: Just landed in Paris...
Sarah Lindahl: My hand smells weird.
MPR: Sugar and corn syrup battle for tastebuds
Hugh Jackman: Just landed in Rio... It is an incredible night!
Sarah Lindahl: Have I mentioned that constipation is no fun?
MPR: St. Lawrence Seaway turns 50
Hugh Jackman: Off to bed... Training at 5:00
Sarah Lindahl: Watchin' Biggest Loser, eatin' snacks
MPR: How is your local newspaper faring?
Hugh Jackman: My thoughts and prayers have been with all of those that have suffered directly or indirectly from the swine flu in Mexico.
Sarah Lindahl: I have no followers, kind of sad but kind of nice. I can say anything I want and nobody cares MPR: Jury selection begins in Minneapolis police corruption trial
Sarah Lindahl: blah blah blah. pee, poop, boobs, farts
You get the idea... It was a little shocking to see what a loser I am compared to MPR and Hugh Jackman's public persona. Now I need to make a plan to mature and become an actual grownup. Ugh.
I got a new car! It's a 2008 Suzuki Forenza. It's clean and new-smelling, and has four cup holders and a full tank of gas. I'm kind of proud of the deal I made for it, because the dealer said that I "wrung them dry" but Mitch says they say that to everyone so that's no biggie. Now I no longer have to drive around in a cloud of smoke or worry about engine fires.
Kira rode home with me after we got it. When she got in she said, "Now, to make it officially ours..." and she took off her shoes and peeled off her socks. Then she looked at the bottom of one of her feet and said, "Hey look, when my warts get sweaty, they dimple."
Do they still have charm schools? I think it might be a good investment. That and a good podiatrist.
It's mother's day so I've obviously been thinking of my mother. Thank you, Mom, for being my mom and doing such a terrific job raising me. (I forgot to buy a card in time for you to get it today, so expect it this week! Sorry. [I guess you didn't do THAT great a job of raising me after all.])
I was remembering the time that we were living in Australia when I was eleven years old. We were visiting the Apostles Islands National Park, which is a series of beautiful cliffs on the coast.
My mom wouldn't let us go within fifty feet of the cliff edge, obviously, but my dad went up to the very edge, and when he looked down he noticed that there was another ledge about three feet below the main cliff and he thought it would be really funny to jump down to the lower cliff because we, being fifty feet back, would think he jumped the whole way down. I think the joke was supposed to be on my mom because Dad told us what he was up to. He went to the edge, looked down, jumped and disappeared. I remember my mom gasped and put her hands to her mouth and then said, "Oh my god! He has the car keys!"
So Happy Mother's Day to my very practical-minded Mother. I love you!
This guy that she drew on her hand with a Sharpie, is French, she tells me. You can tell he's French because of his mustache. (Only a French guy would wear that) and he has an accent. So he says in his French accent, "Hunh hunh hunh, Dis power cord looks delicious, I think I will bite it!" and then he bites a pretend power cord and she shows her other hand...
and this is what he looks like after biting the pretend power cord. NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA, FRENCHY!
She also made this alien on her knuckles. He doesn't have any kind of play or routine, he just walks around, swinging his arms.
When your gawky adolescent son, who grows about an inch a day, comes out of his room wearing the only clean pants he has right now because his parents haven't done laundry in a week, and the pants are WAY too short; is it mean for one of the parents to ask him, "Where's the flood?" and the other parent to laugh hysterically?
Tonight at dinner we were sitting around the table, eating and talking and then Kira let a disgusting fart which, obviously, is a big no-no at the dinner table. We all gave her dirty looks and she said, "I am SO SORRY...... I have diarrhea." Gross.
Kira found a pipe cleaner art book in her room so we've been making some art. I made the chicken on the left, Kira made the mouse on the right, and Sam made the man with the chainsaw. (that one wasn't in the book, he made that up on his own)
The whole family went to see X Men last night because I LOVE the X Men. (I wish I could be a mutant, but with my luck it would be some stupid and embarrassing mutation.) Hugh Jackman was really fun to watch throughout the whole movie, but when he gets mad and has to talk his lips disappear, and Mitch pointed out that when I watch Hugh Jackman talking with no lips, my lips disappear too. Mitch also noticed that Hugh Jackman can't really turn off his musical-theater-grace and said that in the scenes when he was supposed to be in a mutant rage, running after someone, he would sort of shift his body to one side and gracefully "mince" (Mitch's word).
At the end of the movie, there is a huge battle between Wolverine and Colonel Stryker (bad guy) because Stryker was killing off mutants just for the sake of killing off mutants (and using Wolverine's own half-brother Victor to do it!). Wolverine got wind of this and got super pissed and wanted to find him and kill him (also because Stryker had Wolverine's girlfriend killed [or did he???]) so he went to kill Stryker at his super secret lab that was on Three Mile Island, (yes THE Three Mile Island). Three Mile Island was a mess after the battle(historically true to life, thank you! and you always thought it was a nuclear meltdown, well, now you know), Stryker did not die, and he managed to shoot Wolverine with adamantium bullets in his brain because although Wolverine can survive bullets to the brain, because of the properties of adamantium, he lost his memory, hence X Men, X Men II, and X Men III. Poor poor Wolverine.
The worst thing about the movie was learning that Wolverine's real name isn't Logan, like we all thought it was forever and ever, but instead, his name is Jimmy. Doesn't really fit somehow.
Wolverine (Jimmy) and Sabertooth (Victor) He doesn't look like a "Jimmy" does he?
We got a new channel when we got digital TV called Retro Television and it plays all 80's shows. We are totally into Knight Rider and in tonight's episode Michael got shot and decided to give up the crime fighting life and got back with his old girlfriend who was a lounge lizard that sounded like Karen Carpenter. They got married and at the wedding the bad guys that shot Michael came to shoot him again, but his new wife jumped in front of him and took the bullet. Sam and I were really into it, and then Kira said, "Oh too bad. Looks like this is her wedding AND her funeral." Nice huh? Sweet, sensitive little angel.
Also, Sam can copy the way K.I.T.T. talks perfectly.