New Show about Teeth

I heard Timothy Olyphant on Fresh Air one night so I decided to get his show, Justified, on Netflix and see if it was everything Terri Gross said it was.  I watched the first disk yesterday and I love it.  You know why?  Teeth.  You know how I love big teeth and the first episode of the show is full of big teeth.  Here's the star, Timothy Olyphant:

Nice teeth huh?  And the bad guy on that first episode had very interesting teeth too:

This guy is actually a little bit freaky looking and when he smiles real big he looks kind of scary, but isn't that what you want out of a bad guy?  Yes, it is.  

So because of that first episode of attractive teeth, I am now hooked on the show.  I like the cowboy hat and all the quick-drawing too. And I like Timothy Olyphant's Kentucky accent.  

p.s.  I think I might have fleas

                                           

It's a blizzard

Trees on our sliding hill.  

We are having a full-fledged, Little House On The Prairie type blizzard today.  I know it's a true blizzard because Mitch went out driving.  Every time we get a snowstorm, Mitch insists on getting in the car and driving around in it.  He says it's festive, but also, I think he is trying to stick it to the weather experts on TV and radio who say to stay off the roads.  THEY ARE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM!

I was outside shoveling off the deck and Mitch came outside with his hockey bag and said, "I'm going to hockey, see ya later!"  I was bundled up so only my face was sticking out, pretending I was Laura Ingalls and I had to shovel a path to the barn because Albert was in there detoxing from his morphine addiction and if I didn't get to him he would DIE.  The wind was blowing around in circles and howling like a freight train, and Mitch comes out like "Dum de dum de dum, just a regular day, whistle whistle whistle," totally oblivious to the weather.  He got in his truck and left.  About an hour later he was back and actually said the words, "The roads are un-driveable!"  Now THAT'S a blizzard!

Now he is outside plowing the driveway with Sam.  Kira is building a fort.  The dog thinks all this new snow is bullshit, and I have vowed to celebrate by wearing my pajamas all day and watching every western on MeTV.  I already watched Gunsmoke and Bonanza and now I'm in the middle of The Big Valley.  Yesterday on The Rifleman, Lucas shot the points off the antlers of a deer head hanging in a saloon.  Each individual tip! With a rifle!  Miraculously there were no gigantic bullet holes in the wall behind the deer head.  I don't know how he does it!  The scene cut away before we could see the bartender say, "Lucas! WTF?!?" because if you're going to have a taxidermied deer head hanging on your wall, you want all the points on it.  Everyone knows that.  If you go to all the trouble of hunting a deer, having the head mounted, and hanging it up on a wall, it's pretty inconsiderate for someone to come in and shoot off all the points, Lucas.

show off

My New Obsession

We got a new channel on tv.  It's MeTV: Memorable Entertainment Television.  They play old shows and sitcoms and I can not stop watching it.  Whenever I'm not watching it I think, "I wonder what's on MeTV right now?" and then I go and check. My favorites are The Rifleman, The Dick Van Dyke show, Mary Tyler Moore, The Twilight Zone and I Love Lucy.  I'll also watch anything else too.  I'm not picky.

Yesterday I was watching My Three Sons and it was the one where Katy wanted Ernie and Chip to show her teenage cousins around town but they didn't want to be stuck with a couple of "clunky girls" so they said no.

But they eventually relented and long story short: Chip learned a valuable lesson about STDs.  Uncle Charlie sat him down and told him about the scorching case of the clap he got in WWII and they all had a good laugh.  Just kidding.  They haven't covered the topic of STDs on My Three Sons.  But they should.

My absolute favorite by far is The Rifleman.

I never heard of it before MeTV and I started watching it because of the crazy show opener.  Now I'm totally wrapped up with Lucas McCain and his young son Mark and all the people in North Fork.  I love how enormous Chuck Connors is, how adorable his son is, and you would not believe how many lessons I've learned!  You can pretty much solve any problem you have with a rifle.

I'm actually learning all kinds of things from MeTV.  For example, from the show Cannon I learned that it doesn't matter if you are tipping the scales at around 350, you can still knock out a gun-wielding bad guy with a well-placed karate chop.

"These hands are lethal weapons."

From Mary Tyler Moore I've learned two things:  Don't be afraid to wear a little more orange, and Rhoda is a fatass.

"creak creak creak" ~ Rhoda's stool

From I Love Lucy I have learned that Latin men are tyrannical hot heads and Ethel is a fatass.

"Maybe it's time to move to the women's shelter?  What do you think, Chubby?"

From Perry Mason I learned that court is booooooooorrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggggg.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

And finally, the person in charge of wardrobe for Star Trek was mentally ill.

Gotta go, Kojak's on!

(Clever Title)

Okay, I'm a little embarrassed about being such a Debbie Downer in my last post (you're right, Jane)  Wa wa for me, healthy, normal kids, boo hoo.  I know, I know.  I'm just a little depressed.  Post-partum lasts a LONG time.  And no, Anne, not in a million years would I (purposely) get pregnant again.  I was nuts during pregnancy.  And you know what nobody ever tells you about having babies?  After you pop that kid out you lose TONS of hair.  I lost my bangs.  Like, all of my bangs.  I had to comb hair from my crown to cover the fuzzy bald patches.  I looked like Jane Pauley for years after having both my kids.  I can't pull off that look anymore. 

I could take my sister's baby.  In fact, just today she told me that if she dies I can choose which one of her girls I get.  My other sister gets the one I don't pick.  They are both pretty good.  Watch your back, Beth. 

On second thought, Beth, try to hang on until they are out of diapers, ok?

So what have I been doing to ward off the post-partum depression?  I've been making terrariums! 

Mini-terrariums. 

Many, many mini terrariums

My dad thinks I need a job.  I think I need more terrariums.

BTW, thank you so much to Yandie at Inspiriation strikes.  In the Kneecaps. for the mention on her blog today.  For the record, my pre-teen infatuations were with Doctor Bricker from the Love Boat,

and Trapper John M.D.

And it really wasn't fair that all the Tiger Beat magazines were full of Leif Garret and Simon LeBon and NOT ONE had a spread on Pernell Roberts or Bernie Kopell!  It was BULLSHIT!



What Would Higgins Do?

Kira is in sixth grade right now and a lot of girls in her class are totally in love with Justin Bieber and New Kids on the Block (no? not anymore?) but not Kira.  She thinks those girls are sick.  She would rather go to summer school than be caught screaming for the attention of a teenage boy (after all, her brother is a teenage boy.  yuck!)


That's not to say she can't be star struck.  She spends a lot of time thinking of her two favorite tv stars.

Adrian Monk

Jonathan Quayle Higgins

She wonders what they would do in certain situations, what they would think of each other, what they would each in turn do, for example, in response to her letting a gigantic fart that makes her family say, "KIRA!  Gross!" (For the record she thinks Monk would cover his face with his jacket and leave the room, and she thinks Higgins would say, "Oh My GOD!")

She is pretty sure that Higgins is the star of Magnum P.I. and can't understand why anyone would make or watch an episode that he isn't in very much.  She loves his hair, his stories, his hobbies, and how high he wears his pants.  Tom Selleck in his prime, half naked, tanned and gorgeous?  Who cares.  Where's Higgins?

  

An Idiot Abroad

When Mitch and I moved to Duluth we decided we weren't going to get cable TV anymore.  It's been 11 years and we still don't have it and I have to say, for the most part it has been a brilliant decision.  We used to find ourselves watching a lot of VH1 Behind The Music shows about people we totally didn't care about.  Our knowledge of the detailed love triangles and squares and hexagons of Fleetwood Mac is probably taking the place in our brains where we could instead know the theory of relativity or French.

I haven't even wished I had cable until last weekend.  I watched a show at my parent's house on the Science channel? I think? called An Idiot Abroad.  It was created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.  It's hilarious.  The premise is that Ricky and Stephen send their uncultured friend Karl to the seven wonders of the world because it's funny to watch him deal with culture shock and travel, and he hates it.

I saw the episode where they sent him to Jordan to see Petra.  Oh my god it was so funny!  I looked up the website and found these great photos and quotes from some of the episodes:

Check it out!

Live-Blogging Oprah (You go, girl!)

OMG IT'S OPRAH!!!!  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!

I was flipping through the channels a few minutes ago and I came across Oprah and I stopped because I couldn't figure out what she was wearing.  It looked like a black dress with a tiny yellow lace-up bodice, and I said,  "Um, excuse me, Oprah, that's butt ugly." While I was watching and trying to figure out what would possess her to wear that because she usually looks so nice; she ripped it off and had a beautiful, sparkly, Mrs. Roper-like red dress/robe on underneath and she announced that it was her FAVORITE THINGS SHOW!!!! (you know how she does it) and the people in the audience all went totally bonkers.

The people in the audience were specially chosen because of something special they did that is generous or something, which makes me wonder why they are so surprised (screaming, crying, having seizure like reactions to everything Oprah says) that it's the favorite things episode. Hey Peeps, did you not think it was strange that Oprah sent you tickets to one of her shows in December after you saved a million baby puppies from certain molestation and death from the very same organized group of pedophiles that was behind the whole make-your-profile-picture-a-cartoon-so-it's-somehow-easier-for-us-to-streamline-and-increase-our-molesting? (Come on, people, pedophiles are lots of things, but they are not that organized.)

I love/hate this episode.  I love it because I love pretending that I'm there getting all that crap, and I hate it because I never actually am there getting all that crap because a) I'm not particularly Oprah-noticingly generous and b) I have never even thought about going to see a live Oprah show.  I feel the same way about lottery winners.  I never buy lottery tickets, but I get insanely jealous of lottery winners.  These are her favorite things this year:

Dual time-zone diamond watch $2000
Tori tote bag $275
Tori shoes $195
Nikon camera $699
Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater $498
Cashmere throw
Judith Ripka earrings $525
Andre Walker hair products $65
18 Candles @ $55 each
Panini press $99
Ceramic knife $75
Macaroni and cheese (yeah, that's right, macaroni and cheese)
Bakers Edge brownie pan $35
Brownie Mix.  She never said how much it cost.  I would guess $5
Lasagne pan $35
Weight loss book (What are you trying to say? Not cool, Ope.) $
Jayzees book - Decoded (???) Why would anyone want that?
5 year Netflix subscription
Sony 3D glasses and TVs $3600
Blue Ray Player and 3 movies
Kiva.org - micro loans $100 gift card
Container store custom closet $1000
Season 25 T-shirt from the O store (yeah, that's right, I said the O store) $38
Work out pants $98
4 pairs of work-out shoes @ $85
Giant inflatable ship (oh, no, my mistake, it's a cruise.  Oprah fooled me with her fantastic presentational skills) 7 day Caribbean cruise

I was going to add it all up, but she didn't give prices for every single thing.  Just know that it is well over $10,000.  That's a lot of crap.

Then at the end of the show she said she had a surprise guest there to make sure the audience was having a great time and could we GUESS WHO IT IS????  Mitch, who was watching with me, (and seriously messing with my live-blogging mojo) screamed out, "HAMID KARZAI!"  He was wrong, it was the Black-Eyed Peas.  Mitch said he was watching it because he finds the total over-reaction of the audience entertaining.  He said he can't believe I don't think it's funny and kind of scary how crazy the audience is.  He said, "Would you be jumping around like that and screaming?"  "Um, YES," is what I said, "Who wouldn't?"  Apparently Mitch wouldn't.  He said, "I'd be quietly appreciative like a person should be, not bouncing around like a mental case."

********************************************

I did learn something on that episode.  I never heard of Kiva.org before.  You can log on, and donate a small amount (or large amount) of money as micro-loans to people around the world who need the money.  It is a great thing to do, so check it out!

Don't be fooled. It's not Magnum.

It's TV premier week.  I was kind of excited because ABC is bringing back Magnum P.I. (but they are calling it Blue Bloods.  Stupid name.)

Magnum and one of his million police-kids.  Can you see a New Kid on the Block???

I gotta say, this isn't what I thought.  Sure, Magnum is in it, but that is where the similarities end.  Magnum is old, but still kind of hot.  The setting is New York City, which, in case you didn't know, is nothing like Hawaii.  In this remake of Magnum,  Magnum has a shitload of kids, including Donnie Walberg, who is kind of a mean cop.  I just can't get past the fact that he was a New Kid On The Block.

Dorks.

Another one of Magnum's kids is played by Bridget Moynahan.  She's okay, but it's disturbing to watch someone who looks exactly like me. 

OMG!  Twins!  Freaky!

I'm not really following what is going on but as far as I can tell there is a little girl missing, Donnie waterboarded someone in a toilet, there is a super-secret all police secret society called the Blue Templars (gag).  I don't even care anymore because Magnum's millions of New York law-enforcement kids are no replacement for Rick, TC and especially Higgins.  Magnum is not the same without Higgins.

Oh Higgy Baby, I miss you. 

Serial Nerd

I'm watching Magnum P.I. right now.  I watch it every night at 8:00 because I'm a creature of habit to a crippling degree. I have recently started to schedule my evenings around Magnum.

 1984 Tom Selleck.  I'd hit that. (sorry, dad)

I am a sucker for a series of any kind, especially book series, which is good when it's a Harry Potter or a Lord of the Rings, but when it's a Sookie Stackhouse series and I can't stop because the story isn't over yet, and there's about 400 more books, it's not so good.

When I worked at the jail one of the inmates and I were talking about books and I told him I loved any kind of series, mainly because then you don't have to think about what you are going to read next.  (I'm that lazy)   This thoughtful inmate suggested I read the Left Behind series.  The only question I had for him about it was "How many books are there?"  In retrospect, the questions I should have asked:  Is it about the rapture?  Is it preachy?  Is it badly written?  Is it painful to read?  Are there crappy movies starring Kirk Cameron made from the books?

but most importantly - IS IT ABOUT THE RAPTURE?  Don't start a series about the rapture when you're an atheist AND a book-series addict because it's painful to read and it's painful to stop reading.  If you've never heard of it, it's about- you guessed it - the rapture.  One day people are just walking around, doing their thing and all of a sudden, a lot of people are just *poof* gone.  All that is left is their clothes.  They've gone up to heaven (naked) for the rapture and the rest of the people (sinners/assholes) are left to fend for themselves.  Too bad!  Guess you shouldn't have sinned so much!  Ha Ha!  I read the first book in that series.  The whole book.  I managed to stop after that. Barely.

When I was in college I watched a lot of Who's the Boss.  If I was a psychology major I could have written a thesis about the dynamic between Tony and Angela.  (BTW, Mona was the boss. It was a trick question.)  I didn't like the show because I loathe Tony Danza and Judith Light reminds me of a skinny female Sylvester Stallone, but I watched it because it was on twice a day, every day.  I couldn't stop myself.

Question asked, question answered.

Needless to say, I'm dying to see Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight series.  I made a point this week to brush up on Twilight by watching the first two movies.  

 OMG!!!

Thanks for the idea, Kady

Kady wrote a post today about all the books she's been reading on her trip and I thought that a book review was a fine idea!

I finally finished reading Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris.  It's the first book in a series of at least ten books that I won't be reading unless someone puts me in a jail cell with nothing but those books.  The reason that I even finished it was because the TV series True Blood was in my Netflix queue (isn't that a stupid way to spell a word?  Queue?  Looks like it should sound like Kwayay)  Anyway... what was I saying?  Oh yeah, True Blood in my Netflix.  I'm into the TV show now because it's pretty good (and because I'll watch anything and like it).  A bit porny, but good!  The characters are written much better in the show than in the book.  They are funnier and more believable (shut up) in the TV show.  The characters in the book are pretty flat.  Anna Paquin as Sookie in the show is fantastic!  (I almost wrote Anna Quindlen and then I laughed at myself.)

 Anna Quindlen, not Sookie Stackhouse

Sookie and Vampire Bill.      

(STOP LAUGHING!)

Sure, it's about vampires and stuff, but there's a lot more to the show than there is to the book.  I can't say I didn't enjoy the book because after I stopped expecting anything good at all to come of it, I was pleasantly surprised sometimes.  Not often.  Most of the time I would read something a character said and think, Huh? that makes no sense... and then forget it and go on.  I do not recommend the book, but if you don't mind lots of swearing and soft-core porn, then True Blood is for you!  (The character of Lafayette is the best.)

Now I'm reading The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson.  It's the third book in the Millenium trilogy and these are the BEST BOOKS!  Larsson was (he's dead now) Swedish so all the books take place in Sweden and were originally written in Swedish.  The translations are wonderful and the books are super.  The "girl" is Lisbeth Salander.  She's an odd person.  She works for a security firm as a researcher.  Her coworkers think she is retarded, but she's not.  She's super smart and resourceful.  She was declared legally incompetent because of something that happened in her past (which you'll find out about, eventually!) so she has a guardian.  He's a good guy but he has a stroke so she gets assigned a new guardian.  He's not a nice guy.  He's a super duper bad guy and he's mixed up in all kinds of trouble.  This is just one plot out of many and I'm not telling you anything else, except that they are fascinating books, and I heard on NPR the other day that they are supposedly "hard to read," but not for me, so I think I must be reading at about a 45 year-old level.  YAHOO!

One more plug:  The TV show Glee.  I have liked it from day one, but last night's episode was so good that I have gone from being a simple fan to a super GLEEK!

LOST!!

Questions I still have about LOST:

1.  Who the hell is Jason? Who was the first Jason?  How did Lock turn into Jason if he was Lock?  Why did Jack become Jason?  Why did Hurley become Jason?  What happened to Hurley and Ben?  (Whoa whoa, that's 6 questions in one.  Not exactly following the rules.  But all Jason-related, so I'll let it go.)

2.  Why was Desmond pressing the button? 

5.  What about the polar bears?....WHAT ABOUT THE POLAR BEARS?

6.  Why is the time/space continuum controlled by a donkey wheel in a basement freezer?

7.  If they are all dead anyway, what was that stupid thing Desmond uncorked and Jack recorked, and why bother?

8.  Was Lock right the whole time?  Or was Jack right the whole time?

9.  Where the hell was that dog for three years?

10.  What about Michael and Walt?

11.  Why does the after-life suck so bad?

12.  Why didn't the smoke monster just float off the island if he wanted off so bad?  He's SMOKE.

13.  Mr. Echo was my favorite.  What happened to him?  Why wasn't he in the shitty afterlife?

14.  Why were those cages that Kate and Sawyer got locked in on the island anyway?

15.  If I kept watching Lost instead of giving it up for Glee in the middle of the last season, would it make any more sense?

15.  If I knew how lame it ended, (THEY'RE ALL DEAD) would I have started watching in the first place?  I think I learned as a college freshman that it is a cop out to kill off all your characters, or to say, "And it was all a dream...!"  Lame - o.

Isn't it May?

 

It's goddamn snowing.  I'm not too happy about it.  The kids and I came home from school and we are hunkering down in the basement watching re-runs of Quantum Leap, trying to stave off depression and homicidal tendencies.  

It cures what ails ya

OMG Mad Men Dolls!

OH MY GOD.  Look what I just found on the internet:

It's Mad Men Barbie dolls!  I am getting every one of them, then I can re-enact the scripts to all the shows and make the characters do what I think they should have done in the first place.  (Oh, it will be steamy.) I will have to get a doll that looks kind of like me too so I can worm my way onto the set as well.  Don Draper loves me so much and I'm the only one who can fix him, I just know it!

 This will do, I just have to cut her hair and change the poncho for a cardigan and it's ME!

I hope they also have the office and maybe a house or two and TONS of clothes.  And also little tiny bottles of scotch and teeny weeny packs of cigarettes.  The dolls should really have holes in their hands for their little cigarettes. 

Mad Men

Mitch and I have been watching the series Mad Men on DVD.  It's a really interesting show.  In case you don't know about it, it's about an advertising firm in the early sixties and the main character is Don Draper (Don Draper!)

 Don Draper!

He's super cool, smart, handsome, but troubled. I like the show mostly for the clothes, hair and make-up, and furniture (and Don Draper!).  (Oh, and the underwear, my god, the underwear!  It's positively architectural.  They just pushed their flab into flattering places, no matter how uncomfortable it was.  That's tempting, but I don't know if I could shove my back fat into the front of my bra.)

 1960's bra

Mitch likes the overt chauvinism so he's trying a little out at home.  Lucky me.  This consists mostly of him saying, "Hey, the sink is over there," and "Mix me a drink, woman!" and "I'm hungry." 

According to this show, people lived pretty dangerously in the sixties.  Absolutely everyone smoked, all the time, everywhere.  There was even a scene where a woman was getting a gynocological exam and the doctor lit up in the middle of it.  Weird.  There was a lot of drinking of scotch in tiny glasses too.  All day at work at this firm, the ad men are drinking.  They have booze and cigarettes in their supply closet!  These days the only thing worth stealing in supply closets is Post-its (not that anyone should steal anything out of supply closets, ever)  And also, nobody ever wore seatbelts.  So they were driving around drunk, seatbelt-less, and lighting up.  I think even texting while driving is safer than that.  There was also a lot of cheating in marriage.  People back then were apparently very hot to trot and easy.

I think I may know too much about the sixties now, Grandma.