Bunny Drunk

We have had these little baby bunnies for a week now.  They are off formula and totally on plants now and they are getting chubby.  I CANNOT STAND HOW CUTE THEY ARE.  It almost kills me.  They are generally pretty mean and feisty, but every so often they like to be snuggled and I hold them in my two hands up next to my face and rub their fur across my face and get completely intoxicated.  Bunny drunk. Sometimes I can even get bunny drunk just watching them eat and groom themselves.  They do that thing where they lick their paws and then clean their heads.  Jesus.

We have been letting them run around the yard to get used to outside lately.  We want to get them to be able to successfully run away and hide.  One of them succeeded tonight.  He got away from Kira and hid in the woods and she couldn't find him.  She crawled out of the brush full of scrapes with twigs in her hair and no bunny.  I hope he lives a long and productive life and I see a million of his babies hopping around here for years to come.

I took one of them outside today and tried to get him to hop away.  He wouldn't.  I laid down on the grass next to him and he just kept hopping up to me and eating grass right next to me.  Uh oh.  So then I stood up and tried to spook him a little.  I nudged him with my foot and he reared up and bared his teeth like he was going to fight with my foot. Crap.  I said, "You are a FLIGHT animal, not a FIGHT animal!  Hop away in an evasive manner!  Zig!  Zag!"  He didn't.  He just braced himself for a fight so I picked him up and brought him back in the house.  He was biting me the whole time. That one is as mean as a little snake.  No, I've had little snakes and they weren't nearly this aggressive and mean.

"Roar!"

New Babies!

Mitch mowed under some stuff yesterday that hasn't been mowed under for quite a while and he found a wild rabbit nest.  I won't go into the details about that except we now have three baby bunnies!  Yay!

Normally I would be nervous about raising wild baby animals, but there is something you probably don't know about me: I am a rabbit whisperer.  I don't like to brag.  I raised a wild baby bunny several years ago and it was way smaller than these babies are.  He grew up and went off into the wild and I am sure fathered several generations of rabbits.  These bunnies are probably his great great great great great great great great (ad infinitum) grandbunnies.  I bet he is still hopping around out there somewhere remembering fondly his time with his human mother.

These babies are at least three weeks old, and would probably be fine out in the wild by themselves but there has to be some transition between being all snug in a nest to traumatically not being all snug in a nest, right?  I'm going to keep them for a while, feed them some kitten formula and freshly picked dandelion greens and let them grow a little and then set them free.  Maybe.

I was reading some stuff on the internet about caring for baby bunnies and one of the sites said I should let nature take its course and leave them alone because they would be better off without my interference. Maybe their mother would meet up with them again and they would be fine???  That's supposedly better than having me for a mom?  Please.  I might not be the greatest parent in the world but I am a way better mother than a rabbit.  Has a rabbit ever successfully raised two human babies?  No, but I have. And I have a dwelling free (mostly) of parasites and mosquitoes not made (primarily) with my own body hair.  If a rabbit has a question about raising a rabbit, can it Google it?  No.  They can't even read. Can a rabbit offer these babies protection from predators (and lawnmowers)? Obviously not.  Would their bio mom sit and cuddle with them while watching several episodes of Orange Is The New Black?  No.  Rabbits don't get Netflix.  Can you imagine: No Netflix??? Jesus.

So these babies are going to hang out with me for while, burrowing deeply into my robe sleeves, eating, and growing.  Then we'll see about transitioning them to the next stage in their lives which hopefully won't include getting eaten by raccoons.

Oh also, in the middle of the night I heard something on the deck so I got up to look and it was three baby raccoons eating dog food out of Maisy's dish.  They were cute but fiendish.

I've got what you're looking for

Every so often I look at my Statcounter page at my blog stats.  It tells me how many page views I get, and where hits come from, and most interestingly, what people typed into a search engine to get directed to my blog.  I think I am supposed to use that to cater my posts more to my audience.  You know, "know your audience?"  Ever heard of that?  Well, based on recent searches, I don't know how to cater to my audience.  They seem to be interested in animals:

"great white shark pooping"

"a pitcher of a sturgeon"

"monkey in make-up going to the gym"

"female sheep vagina"

"Teeth Of Cow"

"ugly llama"

Well, I know they didn't learn much about a great white shark pooping because when I read that I said, "Hey yeah, what's that like?" so I googled it.  The person curious about shark poop must have gone past a lot of sites to finally get to mine.  There are literally hundreds of videos of sharks pooping on the internet.  Hundreds.  Probably thousands.  God, I love the internet.

I don't really understand what the person who was looking for a "pitcher of a sturgeon" was looking for.  A fish you can drink?  A doctor you can drink?  Does he mean picture?  Does he mean surgeon?  I don't know.

I really want to know why someone wanted to see a picture of a monkey in make-up going to the gym. Generally I find that monkeys don't wear make-up when they go to the gym.  They just have to shower after the workout anyway so why waste the time and make-up?

I like how the sheep pervert specified that he wanted to see a female sheep vagina.  And I love that he got sent to my blog to find it.  Yes, I have featured pictures of some sheep nudes that I took myself on this blog, but don't worry, they were very classy.

Who googles "Teeth Of Cow"?  And why capitalize every word?  Is it a title?  Just a minute, I'll google it; nope.  Not a title, the first thing that comes up are the image results for cow teeth.  Lots of pictures of people prying open cow lips to show the cow's teeth.  Did I mention that I love the internet?

Much like the person who googled "female sheep vagina," the person searching for an ugly llama didn't have to be so specific.  All llamas are ugly.

a doi

TruthCam

My dad got a Truthcam 35! wildlife camera for Christmas.  You set it up in the woods and then when something walks by, it snaps a picture.  I think it must be on a motion sensor.  Here's some of his pics:

For some reason I find this picture very funny.  It's deer forehead.  And did you notice the deer in the background biting at his own butt?  Funny.

  

(not a deer)

Did you notice all the goddamn snow we still have?  It has been snowing for days and days.  It is SO ANNOYING.  

Family Secrets

When I was little my dad had a rabbit hutch in the back yard where he raised New Zealand white rabbits.  I loved it because what little girl doesn't like a big box full of bunnies? 

Our hutch was very much like this except it was painted green. 
The point is there was plenty of room to walk around underneath and get at the rabbit turds.

I loved playing with the baby bunnies and it never really occurred to me that they weren't multiplying like proverbial rabbits.  There always seemed to be enough, but not too many.  I never gave it a second thought.

On a totally different subject: when I was a kid we ate a LOT of chicken. 

And it was always in pieces.  Never a whole chicken like I saw on cartoons.

When I asked my mom why we never had a whole chicken her answer was, "This is a different kind of chicken."  I never thought about it again.  I was too busy having an ideal childhood playing with my baby bunnies and marveling how their turds looked so much like Coco Puffs. 

Then when my sisters and I were grown, we were teasing my mom, telling her about all the times we snuck out of the house, and where we really were when we told her we were at a friend's house, or at a church lock-in, or at "prom."  

She didn't think it was funny. 

Then she said, "Remember all that chicken we ate when you were kids?"  We didn't know where she was going with this.  One of us said, "Way to change the subject, Mom! Yeah, what about it?"  She said, "It wasn't chicken, it was New Zealand white rabbits.  From the back yard."

We were stunned.  In retrospect, it was pretty obvious.  When the rabbits got big enough to scratch and not be so fun anymore, they disappeared.  But still, it was a shocker.  As we sat there with our mouths hanging open, thinking about the fate of all the poor Thumpers, Mom said,  "Want to keep telling secrets?"

We didn't.

Mmmmmmmmmm.....deliciousssssss..........

On another totally different subject, we had a LOT of good luck when we were kids.  I attribute it to the lucky rabbit's feet that were so ubiquitous in the 1970s. 

Happy April Fools Day, Fools!

Happy April Fool's Day!  I unwittingly pranked myself good by not doing any housework all weekend so this morning I didn't have clean underwear or a clean towel.  HILARIOUS.  I don't usually play April Fool's pranks on purpose because they always backfire.  Here's a post from two years ago:

I STILL don't have internet at home. You know what? Not having internet at home is exactly like being blind. I want to know what a frog eats but can I just google it and find out? NOOOO.... no internet. So I just have to assume that they eat flies and that it doesn't matter if they are dead or not. I want to know if centipedes bite people on the feet when they are sleeping, but can I find out? No, not unless I get up at five o'clock in the morning and drive down the road and steal wifi from a neighbor, but my foot hurts from what I strongly suspect is a centipede bite, and I'm tired from a fitful night of almost no sleep because of bad dreams about shooting off into space, and guess what else is going on? I HAVE ANOTHER TOOTH ACHE. I have the worst teeth in the world. I think they must be only slightly more durable than the peppermints my grandma used to keep in her car, which were hard as rocks, but dissolved with the tiniest bit of saliva (much like my teeth).

On April Fool's day I really wanted to get Kira with some kind of practical joke because she is constantly torturing me. Lately her favorite method is to sneak up on me and pinch the skinny fat on the back of my arms or on my sides or on my thighs (anywhere, really) and say, "I'M PINCHING YOUR TENDERS!" and then laugh maniacally while I try to wriggle out of her iron-like grip. She's going to be stronger than me soon and I am very very worried about that day. So I took this plastic spider:

And taped it to the under-side of the toilet seat so when she lifted it she would get startled and scream. Well, it turns out my girl has a bladder the size of a hot air balloon and only goes to the bathroom about twice a day so she never saw it on the toilet because she used the downstairs bathroom (note to self: next year, booby trap all toilets). I did manage to forget about it and scared myself almost out of my wits when I lifted the toilet seat right before bed, and I slammed the lid back down and the spider broke free of the tape and fell in the toilet. I disgustedly threw it in to the tub, with the idea that I'd disinfect it the next day (by throwing it in the garbage), but I forgot about it again and startled myself when I pulled the shower curtain back to take a shower. That joke totally backfired.

I also put a little rubber snake in Kira's bed. She didn't even notice. The next morning I went in the bathroom to take a shower and saw a little plastic frog on the rug. I thought Kira was trying to get me back for leaving the snake or the spider, so I was just going to pick it up and throw it out of the bathroom, but when I went to pick it up, IT HOPPED AWAY. It is a real live frog! It came to live with me! I have no idea where it came from or how it got in the house, but I love him like a child now. We made him a habitat in a big tupperware tub with a plant, a bunch of leaves, some sticks and a saucer of water. I cover it with a damp towel and I set the whole thing on a heating pad. The problem is what to feed the little guy because he's looking a little thin to me.

Don't you think his hips look a little bony?

All I could think of was flies so Kira trapped some live ones that are still buzzing around between the windows and I threw in some dead ones too for good measure, you know, in case he doesn't feel like hunting. Mitch says he doesn't want to eat dead flies but how does he know? See how important google is? Yesterday morning I spotted a disgusting little centipede walking across the livingroom carpet so Mitch said to put it in with the frog because that would be a good meal. I don't know if frogs like centipedes or if they think they are disgusting, and that is one of the things on my list to find out while I sit here in Mitch's office looking like a professional, and soak up a weekend's worth of wifi. (I just looked up pictures of centipedes and I had to stop because they are so gross. The one in my house was only about an inch long, not the size of an adult human hand, like the ones I just saw. Oh Christ, what if it's just a baby and doubles it's size every day? Shit shit shit!)

I made Kira put the centipede in the habitat because I find centipedes to be one of nature's most horrible jokes, and now I can't stop thinking about it. I keep checking to make sure it is still in the habitat, and didn't somehow get out, but half the time I can't see it because it's hiding, and the other half the time, when I do spot it, it just grosses me out even more. And do they bite? Is it going to hurt my frog? I have to find that out too. I have tiny sore spot on my foot that I noticed at about three in the morning and in my sleep-deprived stupor I convinced myself that the centipede got out of the habitat and came into my bed and bit me. My foot still hurts, so something definitely happened, and if it wasn't a centipede bite then what was it? There is no other explanation, so now, when I go home I'm going to have to search through the habitat and find the centipede and kill it so it doesn't hurt my frog.

I know I'm rambling but I don't know when I will get a chance to blog again without making an effort to haul my computer out of the house. This post is too long but I don't want to stop because I have so much more to tell you! I'm afraid of space! I ate six cupcakes on Saturday! I think I might need another root canal! I only slept 2 hours last night! More later....

Update: HOLY SHIT! I just looked up centipedes and they DO bite, and their bites are venomous! What evil have I brought on my little frog. I better go home. Centipedes have fangs on the underside of their heads much like spider fangs! Gross! I vaguely remember that they are poisonous because once Magnum got bit by a centipede when he was trapped under an airplane fuselage in the jungle and he was majorly tripping.

UPDATE #2: Frogs eat bugs. Captive frogs are supposed to eat meal worms or crickets. There is no way in hell I'm buying crickets because they are only slightly less disgusting than centipedes, and I can just imagine how the car ride home would go with them in their little box and me gagging and writhing just thinking about them. And meal worms, please, like I'm going to pay money for something about as appealing as vomit. Sorry frog! I'll try to attract some moths at night, but until I find something that's not totally gross or poisonous, he'll have to settle for dead flies.

Update #3: I'm now pretty sure I have had a centipede bite. I can feel the poison coursing through my veins.

Neighbors

Kira has a checkered history with bees and wasps.  The other day she noticed some wasps were starting a new hive in the peak of the roof of the garage.  She got the hose and power-washed it until it came off.  It was rather annoying because for about an hour after she did it the area around the garage and back door were swarming with angry wasps.  She took a chunk of the hive and put it on the deck railing right next to the door we mainly use so she could look at it.

The wasps came back to it and now we have a wasps nest right at hand-level in the doorway.  Mitch said, "They are very calm.  I touched one today."  I said, "On purpose?!"  Yes, he couldn't help himself.  He said it didn't even move.  It just sat there and accepted a friendly petting from Mitch.  He's like Dr. Doolittle but he won't even let me get a cat because he says, "It will literally kill me."  Wa wa.

**********************

A dog has adopted us.  Her name is Tilly and she comes over every morning when her owners let her out.

She hangs out on our deck all day and charms everyone except my dog, whom she bullies.  We live out in the country and when I go for walks I sometimes get snarled at by big dogs running loose.  None of them seem to be dangerous, but they are certainly scary sometimes.  The other day Tilly went on our walk with us and when the big mean dogs charged up to us barking their heads off, Tilly's teeny hackles went up and those big dogs stopped short and went back home and left us alone.

She has short-man syndrome but unlike most short men, it actually works for her.  She's our muscle.  And she's so cute because her little front legs are kind of bowed.

Kira washed her today because although she is adorable, she STINKS.  She rolls in everything gross.  One day she came over and she was green.  I don't know why.  She must have rolled in cut grass or something, but she didn't smell good like cut grass.  She usually smells like a poop-covered old corpse.

Sam in the Car

We were driving along yesterday and Kira spotted some Canada geese with their ugly babies and she said, "Oh! Stop so I can get one!" and Sam, having had a volatile history with Canada geese, and in fact, having a checkered history of being victimized by almost all large-ish birds said,

"Yeah, stop so I can go punch one of those babies right in the bill.  Call it pre-venge."  

Maria Bamford

For Book Club tonight, the ladies and I went to see comedian Maria Bamford do a show at St. Scholastica.  It was great.  She is the one who does the Target ads at Christmas time.

She's really strong.

I have been a fan of hers since my aunt sent me a home-made cassette tape out of the blue and told me to listen to it.  It was one of Maria's albums and I loved it so much that I wrote her (Maria) an email and told her that I thought she was so funny that from now on I would buy her albums myself and not rely on my relatives for bootlegs.  She wrote back and said she was glad I liked it.  Nice!  So I have bought her albums since then and I have kept up with what she has been doing.  She had a web show for a while that I loved.  I'm not a huge fan of stand up comedians but for some reason I really love Maria.  She does a bit about "Christy the Christian Teen" that just about kills me, and she also does impressions of her family members that are hilarious.  One of my favorite bits she does is about leaving her mom voicemail messages from the baby Jesus.

Tonight Maria did some material about mental illness that I thought was great.  She said people still don't think of mental illness as a "real" ailment because you never hear someone say they should treat their nearsightedness or cancer with an "attitude adjustment."  I loved that.

After the show we hung around and got to chat with Maria for a few minutes because my friend Dana went to high school with her.  Dana took a picture of the two of us.

But by far the most bizarre thing that happened all night was that I was sitting in the front row of the second section and a lady in an enormous motorized barcalounger came rolling up and everyone in the row had to scooch their chairs down so she could back into her spot right next to me.  The lady was on oxygen so she had a big tank and she also had bags and bags of stuff hanging all over within arms reach.  She took out a big bottle of water and a cup and had a little drink at one point. But that's not the bizarre part.  She also had a  wiener dog on her lap who was wearing a silver necklace and a pink, gingham, halter dress. I couldn't stop looking at that stupid dog.  And the dog couldn't stop looking at me.  It was unnerving.  Other people were looking at the dog too and I think the lady was getting self conscious about it because she put a pink vest on it that said, "My name is Rosie and I'm a service animal.  Please don't pet me."  I couldn't really pinpoint what service Rosie was providing, unless having a dog indefatigably lick your nasal cannulas is a service.  If it is, Rosie was doing a great job.

Kira's Summer Project

Kira came running into the house this evening and said, "GET THE CAR! I KNOW WHERE SOME TURTLE EGGS ARE!" and she made me drive down to the river and dig up a snapping turtle nest with her on the roadside.  This has been her dream for years.  Every year we watch big snappers come out of the river and dig up the shoulder of the road and lay eggs.  Then, by the next day the raccoons have gotten every single nest.

When she was about nine, she found some eggs and put them in her pocket and ran home to bury them.  Surprise surprise, they never hatched after the half a mile jog in her hot, dirty pocket.  I think Kira must have gotten this nest on the same day that it was laid.

We took about half a dozen eggs and then re-covered the rest. Right now they are in a bucket full of road sand, on the top of her bookshelf.  If they hatch, it will be in three months.  Then I'll have a house full of snapping turtles.  My dream.

Snuggly!

First World Problems

It's been a stressful few weeks around our house.  The end of school always causes a little stress because I, for one, don't deal very well with transition.


Sam is stressed because if he doesn't perform well on his finals, he might not make the honor roll and if he doesn't make the honor roll he can't get his license, which has been the dream of his entire life.

Kira thinks she's going to get a B or possibly even a C in math (gasp) and she's horrified at the thought of it.  

Half my garden died within a week of my planting it.  I should have taken a picture of it.  It was so sad.  I think the plants either froze or got drown by the recent monsoons.

Mitch had a truly awful day recently and he was telling me all about it and then he ended it with, "... and to top it all off, a dragon fly landed on me, right on my lips. I couldn't slap it, I couldn't blow it away, I couldn't do anything until it flew away," which made me laugh thinking of Mitch walking around for half of his shitty day with a dragon fly on his mouth.  Turns out it was only on there for a few seconds.

Now I have to run because the hummingbird feeder is empty and the bossy little birds feel entitled to their free sugar so much that they keep bumping into the window as if to say, "Hey lady!  Get off your ass and fill the good feeder!  We don't like the other three that are almost exactly the same!"

A few things...

I don't really have much to blog about lately.  Nothing to fill a whole post but I do have a couple funny stories:

I subbed for 8th grade band on Friday and because I don't know their music and what they've been up to, I asked one of the students to direct in my place.  This kid was so funny.  They had recently gotten music for the high school song and they were trying to learn it.  It was horrible.  They were all trying SO HARD to play it but no matter how hard they tried, it just sounded like they were tuning up.  Chris, the student-director stopped them and very dryly said, "I think it's important that we play more of the notes right."  Oh how I laughed.

The other little tidbit I have for you is that Maisy, my wonderful dog who communicates to my by whining only because she can't form words with her dog lips and doesn't have a voice box, whined the entire first verse of Camptown Races, leaving me with the "Do da, do da," part.  Wow.  Best duet ever.  

N is for Kira got a New fish (N is for the "New" of "New fish")

Kira has 103 dollars in cash, about 80 dollars on her Amazon account and 35 dollars on her iTunes account.  How does a twelve year old have so much money?  I'll tell you how.  She never buys anything EVER.  She occasionally pays Sam a couple of bucks to do one of her chores, but other than that, she doesn't part with any of it.  Until today.  After a lot of thought, she decided to get another pet fish.  She has had a beta fish for almost a year now and she takes care of it pretty well.  He always has food, his tank is clean, and she's even trained him to follow her finger when she runs it along the tank.  Seriously, he does it every time.  So we went to Petco.  Kira is so weird.  On the way we were talking about all our pets.  Here's a snippet of a conversation between Sam and her on the way to the store:

Kira:  I think we should get the bird a vest.
Sam:  She would HATE that!
Kira:  I know.

Anyway, we got to the store and she painstakingly pored over every single beta they have.  It took her about an hour to decide and she finally picked one.  Finally.  After that we decided to go to McDonalds for a quick lunch.  She didn't want to leave the fish alone in the car so she brought him in.  I asked her what she wanted for lunch and, while looking at her new pet she said, "I'll have a fish fillet."  Creepy.

On the way home from our errands she asked to stop at the grocery store so she could get some pure water for the fish tank.  She got a gallon.  When we were back in the car Sam asked her, "What tank are you going to put them in?" and without skipping a beat or cracking a smile she said, "I'm just going to put them both in this jug."  That made Sam and I laugh and she said, "What?  You don't like fish jugs?" which made Sam laugh even harder,  picturing a fish with boobs, but Kira didn't get it.

This might be the strangest picture I've ever seen.

Come to think of it, I don't know if Sam got it either, but he was laughing pretty hard.  Kira cleaned out her beta tank, put in the room divider and put in both fish, one per compartment.

That's her old fish, Knuckles, on the left.  The new fish, temporarily named Fish is on the right.  

K is for a non-Kangaroo and some other animals that didn't jump through a hoop

Conversation I had with a second grader last week:

Kid:  Did you see the animal show yesterday?

Me:  No, did you have an animal show at school?

Kid: Yes!  The guy had a big turtle and he tried to make it jump through a hoop!

Me:  Oh really?  Did he do it?

Kid:  No.

Me:  Were there any other animals?

Kid:  Yeah, the guy had a giant bunny that hopped on its back legs.

Me:  Are you sure it wasn't a kangaroo?

Kid:  Yeah, I'm sure.  It was way smaller than a kangaroo.  The guy tried to make him jump through the hoop too.

Me:  Did he do it?

Kid:  No.

Me:  Oh.

Kid: He had a big snake too.

Me:  Did the snake jump through the hoop?

Kid:  No.

giant bunny

Happy Easter

Happy Easter.  

When Sam was about three...

I brought him to see a freaky-ass Easter bunny like the ones in these pictures...

That particular bunny had a big, gaping, freaky smile made of black mesh so the person inside could see out.

Sam was very excited and sat on the bunny's lap...

And stared at his face...

Then he ran back to me where I was...

Far, FAR away from the scary bunny, and he said,

"Mom, that bunny ate a kid!  I could see it in his mouth!"

Now we're both afraid of the Easter Bunny.

(thanks to Awkward Family Photos for all the scary pictures)

Shorts

Kira made herself a pair of cutoff jean shorts today.  Now she's obsessed with them.  She only stopped talking about them long enough to annoy me.

She has been especially obnoxious today because she was away for the weekend and she apparently has an annoyance quota to meet.  Her brand of obnoxiousness includes sitting as close to me as humanly possible without actually being on top of me, and whispering, "Mom, guess what?  Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.... guess what?  Mom, MOM, guess what?" and when I relent and wearily say, "....what" she puts her hand up to her mouth conspiratorially and says, "...Home show," in the thickest Minnesota accent you can imagine.  

Then she waits five minutes and does it again, but this time says, "...Boat show."  And then again and says, "...Dog show."  And so on and so on.  I couldn't make her stop.  I finally had to make her go to bed.  She got up to leave, and as she passed the bird's cage she said, "Hey Dad, you should make the bird some shorts," and then she went upstairs without another word.  

Mitch and I stared at each other and simultaneously burst out laughing/crying, and I don't know if we were laughing at the image of our bird wearing little denim cutoffs, or because we were worn so raw by her particular brand of torture.  It's like she is putting us through intense training for her upcoming teen years.  

I Googled "Bird wearing shorts," and I got a bunch of pictures like this:

Which made me say, "huh? I don't get it," and then I realized that this is LARRY Bird and he is wearing shorts.  Oh Google, you make me laugh.  I couldn't find any pictures of birds wearing shorts so I had to make one:

Movie Review: Sharktopus

You know how I love animal hybrids?  I saw this movie and HAD to get it. It finally came on my Netflix and the kids and I watched it.

Eric Roberts plays a military scientist who, along with his sexy sexy scientist daughter, creates a half shark half octopus hybrid for the navy.  He is a killing machine and they only have control of him with a shark-helmet that sends signals to his brain.

Sharks HATE helmets.

On Sharktopus's maiden voyage into open seas he proves he works by saving a woman from a shark attack because the doctor told him to do it through his helmet. I'm still not clear on how the scientist knew a woman was about to be attacked by a shark.  I probably just don't understand the science behind it.

Almost immediately after he proves his worth, Sharktopus pulls off the annoying helmet.  It's easy.  He has arms.  He then goes on a killing spree along the Mexican coast.  He really likes resorts.

rar rar rar

The daughter/scientist takes off after him with a rag tag team of shark/octopus hunters.  She tracks him on his smorgasbord, just missing him every time.  She is going to kill him with some special kind of sciency dart.  BUT, she only has two of these special darts so she has to make them count.  She doesn't understand why Sharktopus is so homicidal.  That's not the Sharktopus she designed.  It's like she doesn't even know him anymore!  But then her father admits that he might have tweaked Sharktopus's brain just a tad to make him more aggressive.  Shit.

Just as they are getting closer to finding and killing Sharktopus, Eric Roberts insists that he must be captured and not hurt in any way because he is still valuable to the Navy.  This is a heartbreaking revelation to the daughter and she insists that Sharktopus is put down. He was a crime against nature.  They went too far.  The dispute is about to come to fisticuffs with the toughs for each side, but unfortunately they had this conversation right next to the water and Sharktopus made a very unwelcome appearance.

Try to unsee that, kids!

Science Dad got killed and in his final moment he admitted to Science Daughter that there is a kill switch that she can access somehow, but he dies before he can tell her the details.

I'm not going to tell you anymore because I bet now you are all dying to see it so I don't want to ruin the ending.  But I will tell you this:  Sharktopus can roar, walk on dry land, and ink.  He's super scary.

Photobomb

Mitch, sometimes a girl just wants a picture of her bird.

Look What I Touched Today!

Kira and I went to the zoo and one of the zookeepers saw me look in a tank FULL of hissing cockroaches and say, "Oh Gross!" so she went back and got one out to educate me on how wonderful they are.  They're not all that great.  I touched its shell just to get the lady to leave me alone.

Jib Jab Jingle Bell

It's not even December and I'm already getting in the holiday spirit!  And when I say I'm in the holiday spirit, I mean that I've been playing with Jib Jab, making my favorite holiday cards.  Here's some screen shots from the one I made of my parents, sisters and me:



The Whole Family



Dad and Mom

Dad, rocking out

The whole fam again

If you want to see the whole card, click on this link.

Now I'm at work in a math class and the kids have an assignment and they are actually doing it and being quiet so I was playing around and made another one.  I don't have my computer here at school, but I have my own school account, but I don't have access to very many of my own pictures so I just took some off my blog.  This one is me, Mitch and a honey badger.  Here's some screen shots:

You can see this card at this link. Next I think I'll make one with Kira and a couple of chickens. 

Now go and make your own cards and paste them on to Facebook and then make sure to friend me on facebook so I can laugh too.