When Animals Attack Sam

I've had another marathon week at work.  This "having a job" thing is really cutting into my blogging/sitting around time.  Luckily I had time to snap a few pictures of the panto-horse attacking Sam.  Enjoy.

Panto-horse Dreams

Kira and her friend in Mitch's home-made panto-horse.  

While watching them gallop through the yard Mitch said, "It's a dream come true."

Mitch needs better dreams.

Happy Veteran's Day

Kira's school had a Veteran's Day program and the fifth graders were the hosts, so I went to it.  I love elementary school so much.  All those kids were gathered in the gym, sitting on the floor with their classes, being adorable.  There was a guest singer invited to sing the national anthem.  She was a teenager with a beautiful voice and the idea was for her to sing a moving rendition of the song a capella, but the kids all sing that song every morning so they joined in, even though their teachers were shushing them.  The singer was a high soprano, so the song was being sung higher than I've ever heard it and the kids that were relentlessly joining in really had to strain to keep up, but they did.  It was just about the cutest thing I ever heard.

Okay, this was supposed to be a reverent Veteran's Day post, but I'm sitting here next to Mitch who is in the process of making a homemade pantomime horse costume and it's very distracting.  There's a lot of thinking-out-loud going on about the facial expression it should have, and perhaps maybe the face should be velcro-able so the expression can be changed to match its mood.  That way it would be a much more versatile pantomime horse, which is a better value any way you look at it! 

This is NOT Mitch's pantomime horse.  
I am under strict instructions not to take any pictures of it until it is finished and is running around our yard.   

In case you didn't know this already, Mitch is obsessed with pantomime horses, and he and Kira want to be one in the worst way.  When I was gone on my trip he bought a bunch of fleece and made most of the costume.  Right now there is the better part of a pantomime horse sitting on the couch in the basement and Mitch is talking to me about whether or not the horse should have eyelids, or if they will just blend in too much with the rest of the "hide," and maybe he could make eyelashes out of yarn!  Now he just said, "You better not be live blogging this."  Oh, I'm live blogging this. Now he's wondering if the panto-horse should have reins, a harness and a saddle blanket, and Hey!  Maybe some blinders!  He realizes a saddle wouldn't be very practical for a panto-horse because come on, nobody is going to ride it!  That would be ridiculous!  But the quality of a panto-horse is almost totally dependent on the tiny details.  He realizes that his sewing isn't the best so he wants to draw the eye away from the puckered seams with fantastic facial features.  Now he just tried the eyes on it and said, "Oh yeah, the eyes really make it come alive.  I'm sure glad I didn't go with the googly eyes!"   

So happy Veteran's Day, Veterans!  You fight to keep our panto-horse dreams alive!  Thank you!

The nursing home, Hooters, and live-blogging Mitch's sick obsession with pantomime horses

OMG you guys, it's been a few days since I blogged!  I usually don't go more than a day or two between blogs.  (Is that obnoxious?  A lot of blogs I read are once a week.  How much of me is too much of me?  I know I get pretty sick of myself sometimes.)  Anyhoo... nothing funny has happened to me this weekend because I spent the better part of it in a nursing home visiting my grandma.  Aging and slow death: not that funny.  There was one old lady who was calling for help to get her door open.  My dad helped her with the knob and I held the door open for her to shuffle in with her walker. There was a SET OF TEETH on her walker seat, and she had a wad of toilet paper hanging out of her pants.  Goodbye dignity!  Every time I walked down the hall past the rooms, there was one man sitting in a chair in his room and he would fart loudly, and I mean LOUDLY, almost every time I went by.  Was it just for me or does everyone get the special fart treatment?  I nicknamed him Sir Fartsalot in my head.

My dad and I went to pick up my grandma's sister, Ogie, at her assisted living home.  Ogie, like my grandma, is sharp as a tack, but frail, and before today I thought she was probably the nicest person on the planet.  We visited with her for a while in her room and asked her how she was and how her neighbors were.  She told us about a lady with alzheimers who sits in the lobby all day and hollers at people.  She told us this lady startles really easy and then gets riled up and wants to talk non-stop which Ogie finds annoying.  Then, as we were walking out through the lobby, Ogie was wheel-walking herself through, and I saw her covertly SLAP THE ALZHEIMERS LADY ON THE HAND and then wheel-walk as fast as she could to the door.  The alzheimers lady jumped and started yakking and hollering, but Ogie was long gone.  She can really move that wheelchair when she wants to. 

Now I'm sitting downstairs in my basement watching Undercover Boss and the CEO of Hooters is on and is seeing how his company is run from the undercover perspective of a low-level peon.  Riveting.  Is Hooters about owls?  Boobs?  Wings?  They don't really address that eternal question on the show.  Oh, wait a minute, the CEO just told me:  It's about respect.  Hooters is not about profits, or wings, or owls, or boobs; it is all about respecting Hooters girls.  Naturally!  How stupid of me.  When I want a good dose of respect I'll throw on some orange shorts and stand in front of some fat fuck manager so he can tell me that I don't have enough make-up on to pass out chicken wings effectively.  Then I'd feel like Susan B. Anthony.

(If this was a full-body picture, you'd be able to see her tiny orange shorts-of-respect.)

I'd really like some Hooters wings right now.

Mitch is sitting next to me now doing intense research on pantomime horses because that is what he and Kira are going to be for Halloween.  I think he is actually going to spend $400 plus on a pantomime horse costume.  He says he's not, but he is really invested at this point and every night I hear him justifying why it would be "so worth it."   He just said "I bet you could get a panto-horse costume in England for next to nothing because they love the panto-horse."  He keeps calling it a "panto-horse" because he's so familiar.  He and Kira want to put the suit on, and then go and trot around Mitch's brother's yard and freak out his nieces.   They also want to enter this race:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Ajq0W7P1A

Now he just said, "If Kira and I get this costume, I want you to enter us in the fair with all the other horses.  We might be a little anxious at first, you know, because of being in a strange place around all the other horses, but we'll calm down."  Now he's laughing his head off at a video of a pantomime horse laying on the floor trying to get to its feet.   Now he just said, "I bet I've looked at a thousand panto-horse costumes."  Now he just said, "This thing [panto-horse obsession] is bigger than me.  I can't help myself."  Now he just said, "The panto possibilities are endless."  Now he just said, "There's a lot of planning and responsibility that goes into being the front half of a horse."

Enough live-blogging.  I have to go to bed.  Maybe something funny will happen tomorrow.  Here's to hoping.