Thursday, August 7, 2014

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me...

Hi.  I haven't posted anything on here since June.  That's so super lame.  I'm sorry.  I have lots of excuses, but they are only excuses.  Excuses are lame.

So what did you miss?

1.  Kira has been funny
2.  I've been a super athlete
3.  I've had a fun summer
4.  I'm excited for the new school year.
5.  Drama drama drama!

Today I'll I'm going to tell you about his Kira.  She is a funny girl.  She's 14 now and has requested that I not blog about her, but she's conflicted because she likes people to know about how funny she is, but she does't want me to talk about her to anyone because I'm her mother and THAT'S EMBARRASSING!

Mitch and I went out AT NIGHT last week without her.  We were going to be out late and Kira was going to be home alone.  Part of me thought she might be apprehensive about being home alone at night, but she assured us she was FINE and to just GO.  Around ten o'clock I got a text from her.  I thought, well, this is it, she wants us to come home.  Here's the text:

Yeah, that's right, she wanted me to know she had the shower of a blind amputee.  What a weirdo.  She was in bed when we got home, but let me tell you, I got a good look at her the next morning and she wasn't all that clean.  I told her I was impressed with her imagination, but not too impressed with the quality of the shower.  She said she thinks she must have shampooed with conditioner because, you know, eyes closed.  She's been working on it and is getting it down.  She said she can now recognize shampoo because of the lather.

The other night at the dinner table we were telling the kids how they are lucky because they have many advantages over their peers.  They wanted to know like what kind of advantages, and we said that they are lucky because their parents are financially secure and our family is intact.  Those two things alone makes a huge difference in a kid's life.  Kira said, "We are not an intact family.  Grandma's uncle got his leg cut off by a train.  Remember?" (duh!?)

Mitch's and Sam's and my jaws dropped.  What???  We had to explain to her what the term "intact family" meant.

I kind of love how her brain works.

But also, because she is 14, the worst age in the world, she is a smartass.  We went swimming at Lake Superior the other day because the waves were big.  That's always fun.  I was trying to balance having a fun and exciting swimming day with being a good parent so I said, "You remember what to do if you get caught in a rip tide, right?"  (the answer is to swim easy, parallel to the shore until you can get out of it.  She KNOWS this.)  She said, "Oh yeah, you swim STRAIGHT OUT!" and pointed into the endless, dangerous oblivion of the lake.  I got some more gray hairs that day.

Okay, that's enough for today.  More tomorrow on the topic of being a super athlete.  Here's a teaser:

I'm third from the back.  I look like a fly with a tiny yellow mustache.  

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