Today my fellow teachers and I were eating lunch together and we were talking about the house plant that the art teacher has outside her room. It's poisonous and several years ago for some unfathomable reason a kid picked a leaf off and ate it and then his mouth and throat started to swell and they had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Did I mention I work in a high school?
Anyway, that reminded me of when I turned 40. My mom gave me a beautiful Jerusalem cherry tree. It had gorgeous tiny orange fruits on it. I raved. Before my mom let me get a good look at it she said, "Hey! You can't eat it. It's poisonous." What 40 year old woman looks at a house plant and wants to eat it? Did she think I was a glutton or just a moron? I was offended. But then.... well, here's my thought process:
She thinks I'm an idiot. I'm 40 effing years old and she is still giving me moronic commands like "don't eat houseplants." How ridiculous. Why would she get me a plant with such beautiful fruit on it if I'm not supposed to eat it? How poisonous could it be? Would I get die from it or just get a little sick? If she thought there was even a chance of me eating it, why would she give me a poisonous plant? Is it "throw up" poisonous or "brain damage" poisonous? I wonder what those little fruits taste like. They look delicious. I bet they taste like tomatoes. They look a little like tomatoes. She's watching me like she's going to slap my hands if I touch it. How insulting. I'm way faster than her.
Then I plucked a little orange fruit off of the plant and ran to the opposite side of the room. My mom said, "I knew this would happen. I thought you'd like it because it is so beautiful, but after I bought it I learned it is poisonous I thought you might do this. DON'T YOU DARE EAT THAT!"
Did I mention I was 40?
I wasn't going to eat the fruit. I believed it was poisonous, but I wanted to make a point that I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, MOM! So I took the teeniest, tiniest bite of the skin. And my mom said, "You are an IDIOT." Shortly after taking the teeny tiny bite my lips and tongue got a little numb and weird feeling and I got a little concerned and wondered again about HOW poisonous this plant really was, but I couldn't admit it. I had doubled down and showed her she couldn't tell me not to eat poison. I couldn't get sick and prove her right! A bit later mom asked me how I was feeling and I had no choice but to say, "I'M FINE!" through lips that felt like I had just finished at the dentist.
That plant was a challenge to have. Not because it was particularly hard to care for, but because it was a constant temptation to see just how poisonous it was. I remember cutting one of the fruits open once and I MAY have stuck the tip of my tongue in the pulp. I googled it after that to find out what I was messing with and the top symptom is coma followed by delirium and diarrhea. I didn't have any of that. (Well, not the diarrhea anyway.) I'm fine though, so I think I've made my point.
What is my point, you ask? There are several: I AM actually an idiot, my mom is right; the term "poison" is relative to how much discomfort a person can stand before they cave and go to the hospital; I really really wonder about what that plant outside the art room tastes like.
Did I mention I work in a high school?
Anyway, that reminded me of when I turned 40. My mom gave me a beautiful Jerusalem cherry tree. It had gorgeous tiny orange fruits on it. I raved. Before my mom let me get a good look at it she said, "Hey! You can't eat it. It's poisonous." What 40 year old woman looks at a house plant and wants to eat it? Did she think I was a glutton or just a moron? I was offended. But then.... well, here's my thought process:
She thinks I'm an idiot. I'm 40 effing years old and she is still giving me moronic commands like "don't eat houseplants." How ridiculous. Why would she get me a plant with such beautiful fruit on it if I'm not supposed to eat it? How poisonous could it be? Would I get die from it or just get a little sick? If she thought there was even a chance of me eating it, why would she give me a poisonous plant? Is it "throw up" poisonous or "brain damage" poisonous? I wonder what those little fruits taste like. They look delicious. I bet they taste like tomatoes. They look a little like tomatoes. She's watching me like she's going to slap my hands if I touch it. How insulting. I'm way faster than her.
Then I plucked a little orange fruit off of the plant and ran to the opposite side of the room. My mom said, "I knew this would happen. I thought you'd like it because it is so beautiful, but after I bought it I learned it is poisonous I thought you might do this. DON'T YOU DARE EAT THAT!"
Did I mention I was 40?
I wasn't going to eat the fruit. I believed it was poisonous, but I wanted to make a point that I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, MOM! So I took the teeniest, tiniest bite of the skin. And my mom said, "You are an IDIOT." Shortly after taking the teeny tiny bite my lips and tongue got a little numb and weird feeling and I got a little concerned and wondered again about HOW poisonous this plant really was, but I couldn't admit it. I had doubled down and showed her she couldn't tell me not to eat poison. I couldn't get sick and prove her right! A bit later mom asked me how I was feeling and I had no choice but to say, "I'M FINE!" through lips that felt like I had just finished at the dentist.
That plant was a challenge to have. Not because it was particularly hard to care for, but because it was a constant temptation to see just how poisonous it was. I remember cutting one of the fruits open once and I MAY have stuck the tip of my tongue in the pulp. I googled it after that to find out what I was messing with and the top symptom is coma followed by delirium and diarrhea. I didn't have any of that. (Well, not the diarrhea anyway.) I'm fine though, so I think I've made my point.
What is my point, you ask? There are several: I AM actually an idiot, my mom is right; the term "poison" is relative to how much discomfort a person can stand before they cave and go to the hospital; I really really wonder about what that plant outside the art room tastes like.
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