Bloggin' Wednesday! : Inspiration Strikes. In The Kneecaps

This week's Bloggin' answers are brought to us from Andie at Inspiration Strikes. In the kneecaps.  Thanks Andie!  If you want to submit your answers, email them here.

1.  Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you choose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it or got some horrible feedback?

If there is one thing thing this blog has, it is a distinct lack of any sense of cohesion or unifying theme.  Maybe if there is a mommy/feminist/humor/music nerd/writing/movie nerd/social issues niche I might kind of be able to wedge myself in there.  When I started copying my old blog at MySpace over to Blogger, there were a few really personal posts that I had written during a time when I had control over the privacy of individual posts.   Blogger's all-or-nothing approach to privacy settings is one of the things that kind of irks me.

I don't think I've ever pulled a post, but I came close after writing about a district that wanted to ban Aldous Huxley's Brave New World for being racist and I was all "Blahblahblah, totally NOT racist!" and then a commenter came back with "Uh yeah. Definitely racist," complete with quotes from offending passages at which point I ended up looking like a complete tool, and a privileged one at that.

2.  Do you read a lot of other blogs?  How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?

I wish I actively read all the blogs on my blog roll, since they are all well-written.  I used to read tons, but I got chastised at work (oops!) for the amount of blog reading I was doing. My roll has about 30 blogs on it, maybe 20 of which are fairly active.  I've cut back to just reading in the evening, which doesn't leave much time and leaves even less time to comment.  There are a couple writers that I am friends with on Facebook or follow on Twitter, but mostly I kind of lurk or stick to communicating through the comments.

3.  Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?

I try to comment as often as i can but after a while I feel silly repeatedly going "haha! Too funny!" or "Very interesting," so I end up not commenting unless I have something to contribute to the conversation.

4.  How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?

Ha ha, what kind of comments? I don't know.  Maybe 5 or 6.  I like comments, even negative ones, that contribute to the discussion on the more serious posts.  There's also this weird aspect where I assume that my readership is pretty much limited to the people commenting and I continually end up surprised and a little self-conscious when I find out people are reading - people whom I had no idea; people at work, distant relatives, parents of my kids friends etc.  Most, when revealed, are pretty cool and have positive feedback, but a few have shaken their head at me.  I like people to comment once in a while just to let me know they are reading.

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?

I'm so terrible for this.  No, hardly ever.  Again, I will if I'm responding to a point that has been made, or if someone leaves a really nice comment I might say thank you.  Sometimes it's a time constraint whereas other times it's that thing where I feel I'm repeating myself and being disingenuous.

6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?  

I'm sitting at 121 according to the Google friend connect.  As the old saying goes, "If you build it, they will come."

7.  How do you promote your blog?

I spam the shit out of my Facebook and Twitter feeds.  Oh, just kidding.  I have Networked Blogs, which posts to both of them automatically.  I usually post a second time straight to Facebook, since I'm never sure if people who don't have Networked Blogs installed can see them the first time.  Feministe has a feature called Shameless Self Promotion Sunday so anytime I have a relevant topic I will post there.  If I've written about a band or a movie or something to that effect I will also Tweet them or post to their Facebook wall.  Most times they don't respond, but other fans (or detractors) will have good feedback.  In some cases it gets quite hilarious. Back at Christmas I called out Christopher Titus (a comedian who had a short-lived sitcom back in the late 90s) about a rant against atheists on his Facebook page, and he came back and continued to rant in my blog comment section. It was rather funny and sad.

Lastly, if someone has CommentLuv installed I will leave comments because then they link back to your most recent post.  I've gotten many referrals from The Bloggess' site that way. I've also found many other good blogs that way.  It's a matter of having eye-catching and/or baffling titles for your posts that will have people curious to read more.

8.  Do you write for any other sites?

I do a weekly post at Different Paths, Same Destination, which is a weight-loss blog I writing with B at The Opposite of That, Mrs One Day at One Day I'm Gonna, JJ at Simple Musings and Bea Beautiful at Diary of a Fat Girl.  It's been an interesting experience as I think we're all coming at the weight loss thing from slightly different perspectives so it makes for a lot of unique topics.  They are great women to write with and I'm enjoying the experience.  I also did my first guest post a few weeks ago at Best Of Fates.  I love the way Megan interacts with her guest posters right in the post itself.  She's hilarious.

9.  What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?

I like that it's an outlet for my thoughts, creative processes etc.  I like that through blogging I've discovered that I actually am a pretty good writer.  I can entertain. I can make people think and question their previously held assumptions.  Through some of the blogs I have read I have had some of my own assumptions blown out of the water.  The whole thing is a learning process.  I can put thoughts out there and find that I am not the only one that sees the world this way.

On the flipside, the blogosphere can be, at times, one big game of ass-grab, a circle jerk of sorts.  It can be very cliquey.  I'm one that enjoys reading comments sections, but so many of them end up being the same group of people fawning all over the OP.  Positive feedback is great but it gets tiring to see 20-30 comments that are all "Ahahahaha you're so FUNNY!!" and "OMG I WANT TO BE YOUR INTERNET-PSUEDO-HETEROGIRLFRIEND!!1!1!!"

10. What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE when you see on a blog?  What do you like to see on a blog?

My first advice would be to find your own voice.  Don't try to copy or evoke other popular bloggers.   Proofread.  Always proofread.  If you aren't confident in your own proof-reading abilities, then get someone else to do it.  Shitty spelling and grammar (although I am not immune to this) can be irritating as all hell.  A typo here and there isn't horrible but if I am continually cringing when I read a blog, I will stop reading.

I'm not a big fan of give-aways and promotions.  I read blogs to read other people's perspectives, or for a laugh.  Also, keep your layout fairly simple.  I recently gave my blog an overhaul in order to lose the 15-year-old-goth-girl vibe.  Now it's a little more suitable to a 30-something year old.  I think.  I hope.

New Show about Teeth

I heard Timothy Olyphant on Fresh Air one night so I decided to get his show, Justified, on Netflix and see if it was everything Terri Gross said it was.  I watched the first disk yesterday and I love it.  You know why?  Teeth.  You know how I love big teeth and the first episode of the show is full of big teeth.  Here's the star, Timothy Olyphant:

Nice teeth huh?  And the bad guy on that first episode had very interesting teeth too:

This guy is actually a little bit freaky looking and when he smiles real big he looks kind of scary, but isn't that what you want out of a bad guy?  Yes, it is.  

So because of that first episode of attractive teeth, I am now hooked on the show.  I like the cowboy hat and all the quick-drawing too. And I like Timothy Olyphant's Kentucky accent.  

p.s.  I think I might have fleas

                                           

Anatomy of a date (married couple version)

Mitch and I went on a real-life date last night for the first time in months and months.  Maybe years.  It is hard to remember that our kids are old enough to leave alone.  Sam is 15 and Kira is 12.  They can take care of themselves for an evening, right?  Right.  We told them we were going out on a date (gross) and they were on their own for dinner and entertainment.  We suggested they make a pizza and that they go to bed around 9:30.  Right before we walked out the door we said, "Oh, btw, Kira is in charge!  Bye!" and we laughed at the look of horror on Sam's face.

First we went to dinner at Timberlodge Steak House.  It was alright.  We saw a little girl about 8 years old with a tiny top hat on her head, tilted at a jaunty angle, held on with a chin strap.  She was taking a picture of the Timberlodge sign with her iPod.  Weird.  

Then we went to see a movie.  We were going to go see Cirque Du Soleil but when I called for tickets, all they had were two seats on the upper decks, in the corner, on bar stools (???).  No thanks.  So instead we went to see The Five Year Engagement because we kind of like Jason Segal.  You know why they call it The Five Year Engagement?  Because the movie seems like it's five years long.  It was good but we both thought it was badly in need of an editor.  They could have easily cut about two and a half years out without hurting the story.  At about the four-and-a-half year mark of the movie, there is a scene where two sisters are talking about the give and take required in a successful long-term relationship, and one is speaking in a Cookie Monster voice, and the other is speaking in an Elmo voice.  And they both had English accents.  Mitch and I both agreed that maybe that scene would better serve the movie on the cutting room floor.  Also, Jason Segal spent some serious screen time without a shirt on, and Mitch and I both also agree that he should never be more than a five minute commute away from a dermatologist with good scalpel skills.  The man is about 75%  moles.  When the credits finally started rolling, Mitch asked me, "What time is it?" and I said, "I think it's tomorrow," but it was only 9:00.  We couldn't go home yet.  The kids were home alone for one of the first times in their lives and we wanted to give them time without us.  (We just didn't want to seem lame.)  So we went out for dessert.

Even with driving across town, having dessert and talking about things like Downton Abbey (I loved it, he doesn't know how anyone could watch it without falling asleep), and how Dick Cavet was an olympic gymnast (Mitch says he won a gold medal, I have my suspicions to the contrary), we got home at 10:00.  The kids were actually in bed, but I suspect they saw the headlights on the car and ran in their rooms and pretended they had been there for some time.  Kira wanted me to tell her every detail of what we did "without her," and to complain that Sam didn't cook their pizza long enough and it slid down her throat like clams (which is curious because she would never in a billion years eat a clam) but I told her I had to go because the most important part of the date was about to begin - the making out part.  She was disgusted.

Then we watched SNL with Eli Manning (who was funny) and Rihanna (who is obviously trying to make her daddy mad with all the crotch patting she does. We get it, you have a vagina.  You don't have to keep pointing to it and patting it.  We know where it is.  Nobody is going to forget about it if you stop touching it for five seconds.)  Then we went both fell asleep in our chairs and decided to go to bed when Mitch started snoring.  (He says it was me who was snoring, but I don't snore! Geez!) 

Hell

Well, I had my completely-brought-on-myself horrible day, thinking, of course, that it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought it might be because how could it?  In case you didn't read yesterday's post, I stupidly took a job at the Catholic middle school.  It was stupid because A) they only pay about 2/3 what I could get anywhere else (believe it or not, my prime motivation for substitute teaching is the money.)  B) They told me about two days before the job that it wouldn't be a full day, it would be a half day, and paid for a half day.  C) The day before the job they told me there would only be two regular classes, the other THREE HOURS of the day would be an outdoor basketball tournament.  D) my job during the basketball tournament would be bathroom monitor.  By the time I got that email that told me all this, it was too late for me to cancel or else I would have.

It was worse than I could have ever imagined.  The first hour, however, wasn't bad at all.  I was subbing for a math teacher and she was very organized, although over-prepared which I think teachers think is a good thing, but I don't have time in the 15 minutes from when I get to school and when the kids come to read multiple three-ring binders about all the minutia of how the class is run.  I just need a list with times on it that tells me what you want me to do, seating charts, page numbers and worksheets.  That's it.  Oh, and maybe a post-it telling me if you have a crazy kid in your class and what to do with him when/if he loses his mind. Six inch thick binders I get; the thousand-times-more-helpful post-it, I never get.  Anyway.  The kids were very nice.  They were helpful and polite and as good as you can ask seventh graders to be.  The first hour was math class and we learned how to convert numbers of things to degrees to make a pie chart.  It was pretty fun.

Then it was time for the stupid tournament.  At first I thought the Catholics were kind of cute because I read the info I was supposed to read to the kids and it said, "Boys report to Mr. O's room, and girls report to Mrs. L's room to change into your costumes,"  and I thought there would be some kind of play or skit or something, but it was referring to the basketball costumes.  Gym clothes.  (lol you silly Catholics!)  The note to the teachers about the tournament logistics said,

9:00 - 9:15 - kids change into costumes
9:15 - 9:30 - give kids directions for tournament
9:30 - 12:00 - have 12 seven-minute games
12:00 - 12:30 - have lunch with the kids outside

I've never been to this school before so I was in no way going to point out what I thought were the obvious flaws in the schedule because apparently they do this four times a year, but this is what I was thinking:  No way does it take kids 15 minutes to change into gym clothes.  It takes them about 3 minutes to do that.  Then what do you do with the other 12 minutes?  I'll tell you what they did:  they all came back to my homeroom and hung out, which was fine, but I started having ominous thoughts right then about the schedule.  Next we went down to the courts for the fifteen minute giving-directions portion of the day.  It was 40 degrees outside.  That might be a warm winter day but it is a mother-effing cold spring day.  I didn't look how long it took to give the directions, but it felt like 15 minutes.

Then the first game started.  I was told to stand on the outside stairs and keep the kids from going in the building.  Basically it was my job to watch kids freeze to death and then deny them shelter.  It told them they could go in the building, in the little space between the outside doors and the inner doors.  I was then scolded by a teacher (who was inside the building) that the kids had to stay outside.  You should have seen their little hands.  Red, stiff, frozen solid.  They were forced to change into their "basketball costumes" so they were all in shorts and t-shirts, with a sweatshirt or jacket.  Not warm enough!  I looked at my watch, thinking it must be at least 10:00.  It was 9:30.  I couldn't believe it.  It felt like a punch in the stomach.  But being the bitch-they-never-met-that-is-making-them-stay-outside-on-a-stupidly-cold-day really takes a lot out of a girl and time was going torturously slow.

About six hours later, at 10:00, the teacher who told me I have to keep the kids outside said that the library was open for kids who wanted to warm up, but they had to be silent.  Yeah, that's realistic.  Was I supposed to enforce that too?  No, he stayed in the library with the warmth and the chairs.  I had HAD it with standing outside in the freezing cold and figured I could just as easily shoo kids out of the building from the inside as I could the outside so I stepped in the inner doors and watched out the window.  Then library-enforcer came out and told me I had to do my job from outside.  What the fuck is the difference?  He said I should try to keep them from running in and out.  Seriously?  Has anyone taken into account that these are KIDS we were dealing with?  Running in and out is WHAT THEY DO.  I felt like they were picking on the sub because none of the other teachers seemed to be doing the shitty shitty job of denying kids warmth and shelter so I was just trying to ignore it (and stay inside) and occupy my mind with something else.

I did a little quick math in my head:  12 seven-minute games = 12x7 = 84.  Allowing two minutes for transitioning between games makes that 12x9 = 108.  This tournament should take no more than an hour and 45 minutes.  They had allotted two and a half hours.  I asked a teacher walking by, one of the many who said, "Hee hee, It's not usually like this!!  You must hate us!!"  You're fucking right I did.  But I didn't say that.  I asked one of them:  What do the kids do after the tournament is over?  Surely they weren't going to make them stand outside with nothing to do for 45 minutes.  She said, "They have lunch.  But we decided to let them eat inside since it's so cold!"  Then I said, "But what about the time between when the tournament ends, and lunch begins at 12:00?"  She didn't know what I was talking about and looked at me like I was an idiot, (what did I know?) and walked back outside.  She was wearing a blanket.

Sure enough the tournament ended about 40 minutes early.  The kids ran upstairs back to their homerooms.  I was so happy to be back in a room with heat and chairs I could have cried.  Then another teacher came into my room and started barking orders at the kids in my class.  Apparently we were all going to be sitting there for 40 minutes until the cafeteria was free.  She wanted ideas for what the kids wanted to do.  One kid said he wanted to watch a Magic Schoolbus episode and this teacher told him it would take him about ten minutes to run to the library to get one so it probably wouldn't be worth it.  First of all, a seventh grade boy can retrieve a dvd from a room two floors down in about 90 seconds (what is with these teachers and their total lack of knowledge about how long things take?) and for another thing, they had a smartboard and Youtube.  No need to run anywhere.  I found a full-length episode of Magic Schoolbus and started it up.  I thought that teacher would leave my room and go back to her own, but she didn't.  She sat down.  (WTF?)  Was I done?  Why was there another teacher with me? Who is watching her class? Is it because I let the kids in the stairwell when they were hypothermic against "orders?"  She sat down in the chair next to the computer and bumped the keyboard.  The movie paused.  She got all flustered and tried to fix it by turning the volume all the way down.  When she saw that didn't fix the problem, she came to the conclusion that the "internet was probably broken."  I pushed play and it started again to her utter amazement.

One of the most frustrating things about the day was that people thought I was so stupid. I know I'm not exactly a genius, but when stupid people think I'm stupid, that's discouraging.  Needless to say I will never go back there again.  Oh, and another thing:  I was told I would be paid for a half day: four hours.  I was there from 7:15 to 12:00 and I was supposed to stay until 12:30 to eat with the kids but I ducked out.  That is 4 hours and 45 minutes.  If I don't get paid for that 45 minutes I'm going to raise a stink.  I normally wouldn't, I'd just make a note not to do the half-day for them again because it isn't really a half-day, but this time I'm going to make a big deal about it because the day was so incredibly shitty.  I've already gotten the bit about how the Catholics don't pay as much because they just don't have the money:

To which I say, "Bullshit."

Kira in the Car

Kira got her first pair of glasses today.  Doesn't she look adorable?  Things must have been blurry for a while because when we came outside she said, "Oh my god!  I can see each individual leaf on that tree way over there!"  Anyway, in the car on the way home, right out of the blue she said, 

"Do you think there is such thing as gecko abuse?"

Which I thought was a little weird and now I'm worried that even if there wasn't gecko abuse before, if she ever gets in the proximity of a gecko, there will surely be some gecko abuse.

In other news, I stupidly took a job subbing for middle school math at the Catholic school.  Ugh.  I was curious what it was like over there, but I've already grown to regret it.  First I learned that the kids come at about 7:30 which means I have to be there by about 7:00.  Then I learned that it is a half day, so I will be getting paid for a half day, which will be about 25 bucks because the Catholics pay their teachers WAY less than the public school does, which means that they pay their subs about 2/3 what I could get anywhere else.  So 2/3 divided by 1/2 of what are below poverty wages in the first place = A humongous waste of my precious precious time, and finally, I learned that they will be having an outdoor basketball tournament all morning and my job will be bathroom monitor.  For three hours.  Then I can come out and eat lunch with the kids.  Ugh.  If it rains the basketball tournament will be postponed.  I want everyone who reads this before tomorrow morning to wish and pray and do rain dances to beg the powers-that-be for rain.  Okay? Because I would rather teach math to middle school students than sit in a bathroom all morning.  And that is really saying something, because I'd rather kick a puppy in the face than teach math to middle schoolers; ergo I'd rather kick a baker's dozen of puppies in the face than sit in a middle school bathroom all morning for $25.  

Bloggin' Wednesday! : Life Is Good

Today is my last Bloggin' Wednesday unless someone sends me some more answers.  Send them here.  It's never too late to send them in to me though.  Email me!  Today's Bloggin' answers come from Anne at Life Is Good.  Thanks Anne!

1. Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you chose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it?

I'd say my blog would fit into the humor genre.  I try to write about personal experiences, family life, what makes me happy or not so happy.   For me, most of the time it's easier for me to write it rather than say it out loud.  I think I have retracted a post once or twice, just because I maybe went a little too far.  (Usually re: my MIL).  I have removed my link to my blog off of my facebook profile page because I sorta want to "control" who reads my posts. 

2. Do you read a lot of other blogs? How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?

I follow about 20 blogs.  Not all of them everyday, and some I never miss.  I prefer humor blogs because as a SAHM, I need all the laughter I can get my hands on.  I have contacted probably half of them and have always had great responses.   I suppose sometimes I am a lurker, but only to blogs that I accidentally stumble upon. 

3. Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?

Yes, I just can't help myself!

4. How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?

I'd give it a 5.  I love getting comments, but that's not really why I blog.   It's just something that I do for myself, if others want to chime in, fine.

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?

I try to!  But sometimes there isn't enough time in the day for a response, and I sorta feel like there's a statute of limitations there....  after a few weeks, it's past time to respond.

6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?

There are 8 followers on my blog listed, but there are a few others that don't follow publicly.  (Is that a word?)  I emailed my link to friends and family.

7.  How do you promote your blog?

Um, I don't.  (refer to answer to question #4)

8. Do you write for any other site?

The Chunkersons.

9.  What is your favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?

Favorite thing:  venting. 

Least favorite thing:  typing!!

10.  What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE to see on a blog?  What do you like?

My advice would be to write what you want, when you want.  I hate when things seem forced.  I like when bloggers are very real and give great detail about their personal lives, because sometimes I feel like I'm the only person going thru all this life crap...it's nice to know I'm not alone. 

Z is for The End of the A to Z contest

Well, I did it.  I blogged every day of April (except Sundays) and assigned each of my posts to a letter of the alphabet.  I won the contest.  Didn't I?  Was this a contest?  What did I win?

Just kidding, I know I didn't win anything (did I???)  I don't have much to write about today, so I will just give you the next Would You Rather question.  Last week's question: "Would you rather have a one-night stand with your middle school gym teacher or kick a puppy in the face" was a landslide in favor of sleeping with your gym teachers.  Gross.  I chose kicking the puppy in the face because I just loved clicking on the box next to the words "kick a puppy in the face."

On to this week's question!

Would you rather..

Have your picture on a store's "thief board" forever next to your bounced check

Or

Run through the store naked just one time

Y is for Yikes, I got some major blisters on my feet

When I was in Washington this last week I did a LOT of walking.  In my everyday life I don't do a lot of walking around.  Everywhere I go is a drive-to place so walking isn't exactly a means of transportation around here.  But cities, on the other hand, require a lot of walking, which I love.  I like the idea of walking to a train station, taking the train to somewhere in the approximate area of where you want to be and then hoofing it the rest of the way.  I think walking around is the best way to get a feel for a place.  When my sisters and I were in New York I insisted we walk from Battery Park to our hotel in Midtown.  It was a long walk, but we saw a LOT of stuff that way.  I went on a bus tour of the monuments the first time I went to Washington and it was cool and everything, but I didn't know where things were in relation to each other.  So since then, I've walked wherever I want to go when I'm there.

The only down side to walking miles and miles is that my poor feet aren't used to it.  I think my shoes must not fit right because I got two enormous, excruciating blisters on the back/bottom of my heels.  If you've ever had a cracked heel, it's like that but worse.  Deeper somehow.

I knew that during my visit Saturday was probably the only day that wouldn't be raining, so I wanted to do all my outside sight seeing that day.  I took the metro to the Mall and spent about six hours looking at the following things:

The Sculpture Garden

The National Archives.  I went in to look at the Constitution again, but there was a HUGE line, so I looked at the Magna Carta and skipped the rotunda.

Washington Monument

The Martin Luther King Jr. memorial which was amazing because to get to it, you have to go through a path made through a big boulder:

and it says this on the side of the King sculpture:

The part part of the rock that is missing from the path is the part that MLK is on, and it's moved ahead of the main boulder, forging a path.  Amazing.  

Then I walked around the Tidal Pool and made friends with this duck.  He probably just followed me because I look like the kind of person that has some food on her, but I choose to believe he really liked me.

Jefferson Monument

George Mason memorial.  Father of the Bill of Rights.  He was part of the Constitutional Convention but he refused to sign it because it didn't include a bill of rights.  He was neighbors with George Washington.

I walked past the Bureau of Engraving and Printing but didn't go in because they aren't open on Saturdays.  Otherwise I would be able to go in and take a tour and make some of my own money as a souvenir.

I walked by the Holocaust Museum, but didn't go in that day.  I went in a few days later.  Totally depressing.

I saw this guy playing bucket drums on the boulevard.  I heard him from a long way away and I would have never in a million years guessed that someone could make buckets sound like that.

I stopped at the American History Museum to look at George Washington's uniform and the Zeus statue one more time, and then I had a little lunch before going to the portrait gallery.

I saw this picture of Bill Clinton.  It's huge and is made of little squares with colored shapes inside of them.  When you step back, voila: Bill Clinton.

I also saw this crazy horse made from bottle caps. I love his teeth.
Lol, you silly horse.

Then I headed back to Amy's because my feet hurt.  I think I probably covered about 15 miles.  That's the day I got the blisters and they got worse and festered by the last day.  Ouchie.

The next day I went to the National Cathedral which involved a mile and a half walk from the nearest Metro station, uphill, in the rain, with my blisters.  When I got there I took my camera out to take pictures of the amazing gargoyles and stained glass windows and discovered I forgot my camera battery that I so thoughtfully and responsibly took out to charge the night before.  Crap. It was such a cool place, it was worth the rain, blisters, uphilliness, and lack of camera battery.

Oh, one more thing: Why doesn't John Adams have a monument in Washington?  He's one of the big three founders of our country and he doesn't even have anything.  That blows.

X is for not a lot of things that I want to write about

I went to Mount Vernon on Tuesday.  It was wonderful.  Actually, at first it was kind of annoying because I got there at the same time as about 15 school groups.  I went through the house in the middle of one of those stupid groups.  It was crowded and LOUD.  Annoying.

Look at that line.  Ugh.

Then I decided that most of those groups would be there and gone in the morning so I walked down to the wharf and pioneer farm and kicked around down there for a while. Most of the school groups were staying at the mansion and at the barns so I was out of the crowd anyway.  I met a docent in the replica slave cabin who was answering questions for people.

When I got there he was telling a few ladies about slave-life on Mount Vernon, and then those ladies left and it was just me and him.  I asked him how he knows all that he knows and he told me his personal story of learning about George Washington and falling madly in love with him (he didn't exactly say it that way.) It was a total George Washington geek/love fest.  I could have talked to him all day, but I only stayed until more people came and wanted to ask him questions.

Then I went to pioneer farm and walked around a little.

That's the sixteen sided threshing barn back there.  They put the wheat stalks on the floor and then horses come in and stomp it by running around the circle and the wheat kernels fall through the cracks in the floor and the workers collect it and then sift it and the seeds fall out of their shells and viola, wheat seeds.  Oh, George, you were so smart.

Then I went to the wharf on the Potomac to kill some more time until the school groups left.

I saw that big boat and asked about it and apparently they give tours every forty five minutes that take you around the river in front of the mansion a bit, and down the river far enough to see D.C. in the distance.  I got on with a family of hillbillies.  I know they were hillbillies because they talked and looked like hillbillies.  There was a chain-smoking mom and dad, and five boys between the ages of 8 and 12.  When the tour started everyone went on the top deck to see the sights and listen to the tour guide.  The stupid hillbilly kids were running around playing tag and yelling so loud and being so obnoxious we couldn't hear the tour.  Their parents were no where to be seen and nobody else was saying anything so I told them to stop running around and be quiet.  What?  Somebody had to do it.  They didn't stop running around but they were quiet.  No, I didn't trip them when they ran past me, but I considered it.  Pretty soon they left the upper deck and it was peaceful and we saw the mansion from the river.

Nice huh?

When we were pulling back up to the pier, I noticed that there was an osprey nest on some of the pilings.  I know it was an osprey because the guy I said, "Hey, look at that big bird!  What kind is it?"  He said it was an osprey and who am I to argue?

Can you see her in the middle?  She's kind of looking out at us like, "Hey, get the eff away from my nest, you rubbernecks."

By that time it was afternoon so I decided it was safe to go back up to the main part of the estate.  It was safe.  Most of the school groups were gone.  

For some reason, I'm extremely interested in the outhouses.  Here is a picture of the back of one:

See those little brown doors?  Those open up so the lucky lucky slaves could periodically go in and empty the catch basins so that they didn't have to dig big holes and move the bathrooms when they got full.  People would go to the bathroom either in there, or if it was the middle of the night or winter or something, they used chamber pots.  Yuck.  Here's a view of the inside of the bathroom:

Yeah, that's right, three holes.  HOW could anyone do that?  I wouldn't want to poop simultaneously, in the same room as anyone, even George Washington.  So I asked myself a Would You Rather question:  Would I rather not meet George Washington (I know he's dead), or magically meet someone who has been dead for 200 years BUT I could only talk to him while we were both pooping in his three-hole outhouse.  It's a tough one.  I think I'd rather not meet him.  

I thought I should go on the mansion tour one more time since I probably won't be back for a long time.  I am so glad I did.  I was practically alone.  I got to talk to the docents about stuff and when I got to the end, in GW's study, where he spent so much of his time, the docent stepped out and I WAS TOTALLY ALONE IN GEORGE WASHINGTON'S STUDY!  No, YOU shut up!  It was so fabulous, it was just me and his presidential chair and desk, and his books and his pictures and everything.  I'm really glad I decided to go through the house again.  I don't have pics of the inside because we aren't allowed to take pictures inside, so too bad for you.  I guess you'll have to go see for yourself.  

Then I went through the museum and educational center and shops.  I bought a lot of stuff.  It was a great day.  It's one of my favorite places in the world.  

***************************************

ATTENTION!!!!

SYLVIA NEY is So... what else?'s ONE HUNDREDTH MEMBER!  YAAAAYYYY, SYLVIA!!!!  You win the give-away of one of my cheap magnets from the So... what else? store.  Sylvia, email me at pluvial124@gmail.com and tell me which one you want (or I could just surprise you) and tell me where you want it sent.  

Thanks to Sylvia and all the people who come here and see what I'm up to every day!  I really appreciate you guys!  

W is for Walrus

Amy and I started our road trip from Washington D.C. to Minnesota.  We drove for about 13 hours today and have about 9 or 10 hours left for tomorrow.  It wasn't so bad.  We went through Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, and now we are in Janesville Wisconsin.  So I guess W could be for Wisconsin.  Or Washington.  Or "What a day!" but when I was writing the title Walrus was all I could think of.

Sam and Kira texted us before and after school.  That was fun.  I told Kira this morning, "The 495 is like a parking lot!" and she said, "I don't know what that means." And I said, "Major traffic" and she said "What's the 494?" and I said, "It's the road," and she said, "Oh.  I get it now."  I guess that joke is wasted on 12 year olds who don't drive or know that freeways are numbered.  Later Sam asked where we were and I said, "Toledo" and he said, "Ha ha.  Really funny.  Where are you really?"  And I said, "Toledo!" and he said, "Toledo, yeah right.  You just made 'Toledo' up."  My son: Geography whiz.  And then I texted Mitch and said, "We are in Chicago.  We are going to go clubbing and get some authentic Chicago 'sausage.'" and he said, "Good luck."  He is so supportive of me.

Now we are in a Motel 6 on the ground floor and it has has two beds, toilet paper and a door; but what it boasts in amenities, it lacks in pillow thickness, but I'm so tired, I won't even notice because I'm sure when my head hits the pillow I will fall asleep and stay asleep until the serial killer that will inevitably come to the truck stop across the parking lot smashes the window and tries to murder us.  Amy is sleeping by the window though, so, you know, I might have a chance.

p.s.  I spent the entire day at Mount Vernon yesterday and it was glorious.  I will tell you all about it tomorrow.  

V is for Violin, and Vivacious and VD! It's also Bloggin' Wednesday! : Tilte at Things I Like To Eat (And Other Nonsense)

This week's Bloggin' survey answers are brought to us by the lovely Tilte from Things I Like To Eat (...And Other Nonsense).  Check out her Blog!  


If you still want to send in your answers to the Bloggin' questions, it's not too late.  Email me at pluvial124@gmail.com.

1.  Does your blog fit into a "niche" and how do you choose what to write about?  Have you ever pulled a post after you published it because you regretted it or got some horrible feedback?
I think my blog niche would be "life". Unless, of course, there's a niche for "colonoscopies, estate sales, & Uncrustables".

Originally, I wanted to post solely about food- whether that was restaurant reviews, recipes, whatever. But then I realized there were funny/ notable/ interesting things happening that didn't involve food, but I still wanted to write about them. I also realized I don't have nearly enough money to support the restaurant habit I had originally envisioned. 

I've never pulled a post. Once it's up, it's up. I HAVE received some negative comments in the past. But with blogging, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

2.  Do you read a lot of other blogs?  How many? Have you had contact with the bloggers, or are you a lurker?
I follow a lot of blogs. But I'd say there are about 15-20, give or take, that I read on a regular basis. The others either don't blog too often, or their content has changed, or maybe I've just lost interest but still support them.

I actually HAVE met up with some bloggers in real life! I attended BlogHer '11 and met up with bloggers whom I'd already "known" through the internet, as well as others whom I'd never heard of but ended up really liking. If BlogHer '12 was being held in CA, I would have definitely attended. But since that shit's expensive and I have dog food to buy, I won't be making it this year.

3.  Do you comment on a lot of other blogs?
I try to comment on the blogs that I really like (or the blogs of bloggers that I really like). I also comment if the topic or story naturally gets my brain going on a response that I think is worth sharing.

4.  How important is it for you to get comments on a scale of 1-10?
I think every blogger secretly wants comments like they want a million dollars. Depending on the day, I might feel more okay with not getting comments because the post might have been something that was done more for my own sake. Like a diary entry. Other days, I'm more like "Yes! THIS IS A GEM! My readers are going to be all over this!! :::refresh refresh refresh::: " WTF! How come no one's commenting??? Assholes."

5.  Do you respond to your commentors?
I'm really bad at this. I wish I was more on top of things and responded to every comment. However, what usually happens is- I approve comments throughout the day on my phone. By the time I get home from work, I'm like a zombie and the LAST place I want to be is in front of my computer. So, while I love reading what people have to say about any particular post I've done, I'd say I usually only respond to about half. :::cue sad trumpet:::
  
6.  How many followers do you have?  How did you get them?  
I have 169 followers through Blogger. 

At first, I used the old "find a blog, join, comment, expect the same in return" technique. But that was when my employment situation required like 1% of my day and I was also in a stupid marriage. So basically, I had all the time in the world. 

Since then, I've guested on a few blogs and joined a few collaboration blogs. I also try to keep my Twitter and Facebook accounts up to date with statuses that aren't just blog-post related. If my readers are anything like me, they're nosy as shit and want to know more about the bloggers they follow. Also, I think it makes us more relateable when readers see that we're serving Lucky Charms for dinner or that the toilet overflowed (again).

7.  How do you promote your blog?
Are Facebook and Twitter considered "promoting the blog"? If so, that's how. I've also been meaning to do a giveaway, but since I'm sure no one wants any of the junk I have laying around here, it's still "in the works" at this point.

8.  Do you write for any other sites?
No. I was one of the original contributors at Sprocket Ink, but my work just got too hectic for any blog that required commitment, scheduling, or thinking.

9.  What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?
Hm, this is a tough one because I really like a lot of things about blogging. I'm going to say my favorite aspects of blogging would be 1) sharing stories, 2) hearing how others relate to my stories, 3) making internet friends, 4) reading other people's funny stories, 5) honing my writing style.

My least favorite things about blogging are 1) not having enough time to blog as often as I'd like, 2) taking pictures of EVERYTHING I do just in case it turns out to be blog worthy.

10. What advice would you give to potential bloggers?  What do you HATE when you see on a blog?  What do you like to see on a blog?
My advice to potential bloggers would be: Don't expect to have a million followers/ comments over night. That shit only happens in Hollywood movies. (But if it actually DOES happen to you, make sure to let me know what you've done to get it that way.)

What do I hate to see on a blog: 1) White text on black background, 2) Music players that load right when you open the page, 3) glittery stuff, 4) thousands of self-absorbed pictures of the blogger.
What do I like to see on a blog: 1) STUFF THAT MAKES ME LAUGH, 2) affordable items (if it's a user review), 3) photos that show me more about the blogger's life.

U is for Umbrella which we needed because it was raining today

Today (Monday) Amy and I went to the Capitol and had our wonderful Senate breakfast.  We had to get up in the middle of the night (5:30) to get there on time.  We were going to meet Amy's friend Jeff who is a staffer for Jeff Sessions. We got to the door we were supposed to go in and there was a sign there that said, "The following items are prohibited:  (the obvious things like weapons and bombs), and cell phones, anything with batteries.  What???  So we were wondering if we had to hand them over or something, but we didn't.  Nobody said anything about them when we went through security.  We met Jeff and some other friends and went in the dining room.  Unfortunately there were not a lot of fat cats having breakfast with us, but it was still a great experience.  I had "Senate Eggs," in case you were wondering.

After that Jeff gave us a little tour of the Capitol.  He said that all staffers have to take a tour guide course when they start.  He showed us the rotunda (finally!) and it's a lot smaller than I thought it would be.  I got to see the painting at the top of the dome with my own two eyes.  It was great.  Then he showed us the crypt and someone asked him a question and he said, "I don't know, google it," and Amy said "I bet they didn't tell you to do that in tour guide school."  Then he brought us on the tiny little subway that goes under the Capitol and the congressional office buildings.  Jeff had to go to work so then Amy and I went to Al Franken's office and signed the guest book and chatted up the receptionist for a while.  

Then we went to the Pentagon so Amy could check in at work and look at her email.  I met some more people who said that they look at my blog.  Wow! (Hi Kristin!  Hi Gene!  Hi Matt!  Hi Bill!)  Thank you, Amy for forcing all your co-workers to read my blog. We also went to the pentagon Starbucks which Kristin wasn't thrilled about because the last time she went there she got oatmeal that she suspects gave her food poisoning so bad she had to go to the hospital.

Then Amy and I went to the Holocaust Museum.  We weren't sure if we were going to get to go today because on the news this morning we heard that the president was going to be making a speech from there this morning so we thought maybe we wouldn't even be able to get close to the place.  He was done by noon so we got to go.  I made a total fool of myself when we were going through security.  I was kind of excited that the president was there earlier, so I thought I'd chat up the security guard about it as we were going through.  He was very unenthusiastically telling everyone "Please leave your cell phones and cameras in your bags, set your bags on the belt and go through the metal detector," and I was so busy asking him questions about the president: "Did you see the president?" (no), "Weren't you excited?" (no) "Isn't it exciting!?" (just put your bag on the belt), that I wasn't listening to him and I took my camera and phone out of my bag and he said, "LEAVE your electronics IN your bag," and I said, "Ohhhhhh..." so I put them back in and put my purse on the belt but the strap was wrapped around my scarf and it started pulling me into the belt and finally Mr. Grumpy laughed a little and said, "Hey, we don't want any accidents here."  It was funny.

The Holocaust museum: Total downer.

Then we came home.

Other things I've seen on this trip to Washington:
1. National Archives
2. Washington Monument
3. Sculpture Garden
4. Martin Luther King Memorial
5. FDR Memorial
6. Walked around the tidal pool.
7. Jefferson Monument
8. American History Museum
9. American Art/Portrait gallery
10. The movie 21 Jump Street
11. Amy's party
12.  Amy arguing with her friend Marcel
13.  National Cathedral
14. The Capitals (hockey team) lose in over-time at a bar with Amy who wanted to go to the actual game but nobody wanted to spend hundreds of dollars on a ticket to go with her.  Every time the Caps made a goal Amy said, "I wish I was there!" and then every time the Bruins made a goal she said, "I'm glad I'm not there."  She is a fair-weather fan to a schizophrenic degree.

I did not get to the National Zoo which I kind of wanted to do, but I did see a rat on the tracks of the subway while I was waiting for a train!  That was exciting!  Almost as good as the zoo.  Better than stupid pandas anyway.  I wasn't really looking but then this kid said, "HEY DAD! THERE'S A RAT!" so I ran up to look and I saw it.  The dad said, "Yeah yeah, stop yelling, get away from the edge," (of the platform).  But the kid didn't get away from the edge.  He kept looking and apparently developed an eye for rat-spotting and spotted about three more before his train came.  So therefore:

15. A subway rat.


Tomorrow I am going to Mount Vernon.  I might not come back.

T is for Tip the Scales! It's a Give Away!

No, not the weight scales.  I'm tipping those very effectively with no help at all, thank you very much.  I'm talking about the follower scale.  If you will look at my side bar and scroll down a bit, you will see a widget under the heading "My favorite people in the world."  It's the So... what else member widget. I know it's arbitrary, but as of my writing this, I have 96 members of this blog.  Do you know how much that bugs me?  I need it to be 100.  Four more to go.  Hey!  How about this:  I will give my hundredth follower a gift of their choice of Kira In The Car magnets from the So... what else Store!  Yay!  You could get this:

Or this:

Or any number of other ones.  Your choice.

Hmm? What's that, 96-people-who-pushed-the-join-button-without-knowing-that-the-hundredth-one-would-get-a-prize?  You want to know, "What the HELL?"  Well, sometimes that's just the way the ball bounces.

*Stay tuned for the story about how wonderful my breakfast at the Capitol was.  I'm writing this last Friday so I don't know yet.  I'm as anxious as you to know how it turned out. 

Would you rather...

Hi!  I'm in Washington DC and I'm having fun!  Today I walked all over the Mall and I saw monuments, and museums.  Seriously, I think I probably walked 15 miles.  I basically walked around almost non-stop for 5 and a half hours.  It was great, but my proverbial "dogs" are "barking," as they say.  I got back to Amy's house and she was having a little get-together and some of the people there actually came up to me and said, "I read your blog."  I wanted to say, "SHUT. UP!" but I didn't.  I just said thank you, because it still blows my mind that anyone who doesn't know me reads my blog.  That is sooooooo cool.  I am awesome.

Anyway, it's time for a new Would You Rather question!  Aren't you glad?!?  Last week's question was, "Would you rather have wings but no hands, or hooves with no feet."  Hooves won big time.  I think for two reasons:  1) Having no hands would be really hard.  I would ALWAYS have an itch on my face, I just know it.  I'd spend most of my flying time looking for someone to scratch my nose.  And 2) Having hooves would be AWESOME.  Clop clop clop; need I say more?  Although, a reader pointed out that it would be hard to be sneaky with hooves, but another reader informed us that little rubber shoes for hooves actually exsist so now there is absolutely no reason in the entire world not to have hooves.

Oh. My. God.

On to this week's question:  

Would you rather...

Have a one night stand with your middle school gym teacher

OR

Kick a puppy in the face

One of these puppies.  You choose which one.