Sunday, May 6, 2012

Anatomy of a date (married couple version)

Mitch and I went on a real-life date last night for the first time in months and months.  Maybe years.  It is hard to remember that our kids are old enough to leave alone.  Sam is 15 and Kira is 12.  They can take care of themselves for an evening, right?  Right.  We told them we were going out on a date (gross) and they were on their own for dinner and entertainment.  We suggested they make a pizza and that they go to bed around 9:30.  Right before we walked out the door we said, "Oh, btw, Kira is in charge!  Bye!" and we laughed at the look of horror on Sam's face.

First we went to dinner at Timberlodge Steak House.  It was alright.  We saw a little girl about 8 years old with a tiny top hat on her head, tilted at a jaunty angle, held on with a chin strap.  She was taking a picture of the Timberlodge sign with her iPod.  Weird.  

Then we went to see a movie.  We were going to go see Cirque Du Soleil but when I called for tickets, all they had were two seats on the upper decks, in the corner, on bar stools (???).  No thanks.  So instead we went to see The Five Year Engagement because we kind of like Jason Segal.  You know why they call it The Five Year Engagement?  Because the movie seems like it's five years long.  It was good but we both thought it was badly in need of an editor.  They could have easily cut about two and a half years out without hurting the story.  At about the four-and-a-half year mark of the movie, there is a scene where two sisters are talking about the give and take required in a successful long-term relationship, and one is speaking in a Cookie Monster voice, and the other is speaking in an Elmo voice.  And they both had English accents.  Mitch and I both agreed that maybe that scene would better serve the movie on the cutting room floor.  Also, Jason Segal spent some serious screen time without a shirt on, and Mitch and I both also agree that he should never be more than a five minute commute away from a dermatologist with good scalpel skills.  The man is about 75%  moles.  When the credits finally started rolling, Mitch asked me, "What time is it?" and I said, "I think it's tomorrow," but it was only 9:00.  We couldn't go home yet.  The kids were home alone for one of the first times in their lives and we wanted to give them time without us.  (We just didn't want to seem lame.)  So we went out for dessert.

Even with driving across town, having dessert and talking about things like Downton Abbey (I loved it, he doesn't know how anyone could watch it without falling asleep), and how Dick Cavet was an olympic gymnast (Mitch says he won a gold medal, I have my suspicions to the contrary), we got home at 10:00.  The kids were actually in bed, but I suspect they saw the headlights on the car and ran in their rooms and pretended they had been there for some time.  Kira wanted me to tell her every detail of what we did "without her," and to complain that Sam didn't cook their pizza long enough and it slid down her throat like clams (which is curious because she would never in a billion years eat a clam) but I told her I had to go because the most important part of the date was about to begin - the making out part.  She was disgusted.

Then we watched SNL with Eli Manning (who was funny) and Rihanna (who is obviously trying to make her daddy mad with all the crotch patting she does. We get it, you have a vagina.  You don't have to keep pointing to it and patting it.  We know where it is.  Nobody is going to forget about it if you stop touching it for five seconds.)  Then we went both fell asleep in our chairs and decided to go to bed when Mitch started snoring.  (He says it was me who was snoring, but I don't snore! Geez!) 


  1. hahahhahahahahha!

    everything about this post made me laugh. out loud.

  2. I love that you told her the most important part was the making out part and she thought it was gross! lol (Of course that will change in a few years!)


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