Saturday, July 28, 2012

Azia's Fluff

Azia, who recently gave birth to a beautiful little baby boy (Congratulations, Azia and family), tagged me in THIS post on her blog and now I am instructed to answer the questions she answered from yet a different blog.  I don't know who made up these questions but I suspect it is someone teetering on the edge of a drug addiction, or playing with the idea of getting into the drug business.  Here goes!

How tall are you barefoot?
I'm 5'10 in my bare feet.  .... No wait, that's my ideal height for my weight.  Sometimes I forget.  I'm actually only 5'5.  Shit.

Have you ever smoked heroin?
I have never smoked anything, and even if I did, I don't know if I would do heroin.  I have seen people on TV (Albert from Little House on the Prairie) throw up from taking or withdrawing from hard drugs.  I would rather make out with my brother than throw up.  Sure, I don't even have a brother so that's kind of an empty threat, but still; if I had a brother, I bet I would not like the idea of making out with him.

Do you own a gun?
No.  (... see what I mean about the author of the questions dabbling in some drug business?  I think they are maybe just trying to recruit some "business associates" if you know what I mean.  I watch Breaking Bad, I know how these things work.)

Huh?  Is that a question?  Have I gone to rehab?  No.  And I wouldn't want to either because I hear it sucks.

Do you get nervous before things?
I get anxious when I anticipate events or activities.  That's why it was so hard to become a sub.  Still to this day, if I schedule a job weeks ahead of time I find myself dreading it, even if it's something I want to do.  If I schedule it the night before, I don't worry so much.  Don't have time.

What do you think of your friends?
I hate them.  Just kidding.  How do you think I'm going to answer that question?  If they are my friends, I think they are friendly and worth the time and effort of cultivating a relationship.  I love my friends.

What's your favorite Christmas song?
By far it is "Baby it's Cold Outside."  I like the duet part of it and I really love that it's not so much about Christmas as it is about date rape.  Nothing says "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" like date rape!

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I sometimes like coffee, but I really like lemon lift or orange flavored tea.

Do you do push-ups?
Sometimes.  The girl version.  I'm pretty good.

Have you ever done Ecstasy?

Are you a vegetarian?
No.  I don't eat a ton of meat but I like it.  I had a frenemy once who went on a great rant one time when she popped in and I was making dinner (some sort of meat) and she said how she is a vegetarian because it is healthier and because she can't bring herself to eat anything "with a face."  A few months later she bought a livingroom set made of leather.  I would love to see what those cows looked like, you know without faces and all.  Or maybe she had no qualms about lounging on the dead, processed skin of things with faces.

Do you like painkillers?
I LOVE painkillers.  Who doesn't?  Who likes pain?  I carry ibuprofen with me everywhere.  Did you mean prescription painkillers?  Love those too.  Painkillers are a miracle.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
You mean Mitch?  Because he's the only one that's been interested in over a decade.  We sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" together and then there is no stopping him.

What time did you wake up today?

Current worry?
Money, health, kids, rotten teeth... the usual.

Current hate?
Chest colds, rhubarb and hemorrhoids, and diarrhea.  (The first one because I have it now, and the second, third, and fourth because they are really hard to spell.  And they are also unpleasant.)

Do you own slippers?
Fuck yeah!

Do you burn or tan?

What songs do you sing in the shower?
"Baby it's Cold Outside"

How many TVs do you  have in your house?

Do you wish on stars?  
Sometimes, but I have been known to mistakenly wish on the odd planet or plane or lamp post (my eyesight is BAD).  I don't know what becomes of those wishes.  I saw a UFO once but I didn't wish on it.  It was at about sunset time and I was driving.  It was flying above K-Mart.  Nobody believes me.

What song was played at your wedding?
No songs.  It was a courtroom quickie. (That's what she said.)

What song do you want played at your funeral?
Ballroom Blitz

Do you love someone?

I think I am supposed to tag someone else to answer these questions now so if you are reading this, you are tagged.


I would love your comments.