Monday, July 23, 2012

Internet Predator, Shminternet Shmedator

When I started this blog my main reason was to write down the funny stories about my kids and husband.  People told me not to use our real names lest an internet predator come after us.  Mitch insisted he didn't want anything written about him on the blog and I was never ever to post any pictures of him!  It's been four years and  I've gotten exactly two nasty (hilarious) comments and I've made a bunch of friends.  Blogging has been pretty sweet.  Kira even has fans.  She says she hates when I write about her, but whenever she says anything that makes me laugh she says, "Don't write that on your blog!" but then later she asks.  "Did you put that on your blog???  Did I get any comments???"

Recently her biggest admirer, Jane, sent her a special present.  It was addressed to her and there was an envelope in the package that said, "TOP SECRET."  Mitch said, "Oh great, people from the internet are sending our daughter secret packages." Jane assured me that there were no razors or cocaine in the envelope so I let Kira have it.  (If it had razors and cocaine in it, I would have kept it for myself.  I'm extremely hairy and disappointingly sober these days.)  In it there was a plastic cockroach much like this:

but not exactly like this.  The one Jane sent is much more elegant, but I can't get a picture of it because Kira is sleeping with it and I would rather touch a real cockroach than wake her up to ask her where her fake roach is.

Anyway, there was a note with the roach that said:
Enclosed is my friend, Steve the Cockroach.  You can name him whatever you want.  
I have had SO much fun hiding Steve around the house and scaring people.  He is great in the silverware drawer, a drawer in the bathroom...... in the butter.....
The best, is where you're out to eat.  I put him between a friend's toast one time at breakfast and when she picked up the toast she screamed her head off.  Then the waitress came running over and she screamed.  I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.  
Steve is also fun to hide on your plate, under your salad or vegetables, then call your Mom over and ask what it is.......
I'm sure you'll think of many ways to scare everybody!  Enjoy!!! And take good care of my buddy Steve!

It's amazing how someone who has only read stories about her on the internet can know her so incredibly well.  Kira and Jane are kindred spirits.  She could not have gotten a more perfect present.  Thankfully I was there when she opened it so I was spared having the life scared out of me by a strategically-placed Steve, but my sister was not so lucky.  Kira's latest thing is to hold a closed fist out and say, "Here," to any willing dupe.  When I was still falling for this ploy, I was handed a Daddy-Long-Legs, some seeds, a rock, and an enormous slug that I still can't believe she touched.

Beth came over to my parents house one day and Kira saw a golden opportunity.  She put Steve in her hand and casually said, "Here, Beth." Beth said she had a funny feeling but ignored it and held her hand out to receive what Kira had to offer.  When she saw the roach she screamed louder than the all the Mandrake babies in Harry Potter put together.  It was deafening.  Kira was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of her mouth, her nostrils were flaring and her face was bright red.  She couldn't breathe.  It was the best prank ever.  We all (except Beth) enjoyed it. Thanks, Jane!

So, in my experience putting all kinds of information about your kids on the internet has been a good thing (unless you're Beth) and I would recommend it to anyone.


I would love your comments.