I'm "loony" for New Moon (get it?)

It's because loony refers to lunar? Lunar as in the moon? New MOON? Get it now?

Anyway, in case you're reading this and wondering what the hell I'm talking about, I'm talking about the newest Twilight movie, New Moon.

"But Sarah," you say, "You're almost 40, and aren't those movies for teenagers?" To which I say, SHUT UP.

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, here's my review of New Moon:

Totally awesome! But if you didn't read the books (and like them) you probably wouldn't enjoy the movie all that much. I only say that because I made Mitch watch Twilight with me a few weeks ago and he almost died of boredom when he wasn't laughing (rude, obnoxious, mocking laughter).

The movie follows the book almost exactly, which I like a lot. It also looked exactly like it looked in my mind when I read the books. Even Rachel's muffins looked exactly like I imagined they looked. (If you're not a follower of the books and you're wondering who Rachel is, I'll tell you here in this parenthesised aside: She's the girlfriend of the alpha-werewolf, Sam, who became a werewolf because their town of Forks, Washington had vampires, and everyone knows that when you have some vampires move in, a few of the locals who have the latent werewolf gene will be able to morph into enormous werewolves (which look like regular wolves, just bigger). Anyway, Rachel and Sam are engaged and she's beautiful despite the fact that half her face is ripped to shreds because she got too close to Sam once when he morphed into his wolf-self and in that split second, he scarred her for life and he will never forgive himself. But she forgives him which begs the question: wtf is wrong with Rachel? These aren't even main characters in the movie. I don't know why I'm going into all this. Get it back on track!)

I liked New Moon much better than Twilight. Not that I didn't enjoy Twilight, mind you, I just had a hard time getting past Edward throwing Bella on his back and running up hills extremely fast and jumping from tree to tree. I'd be super pissed if Mitch did that to me. For one thing, Edward was never really holding on to Bella when he did that. He'd just sort of toss her on his back like a mama chimp tosses her baby on her back, and then he'd take off running or jumping. I would have fallen off and then all of Edward's luster would have been lost, because a guy who drops you on the ground is not a guy you want to have around. (hey, that rhymes!)

This review sucks ass. I'm not even touching the good parts of the movie yet and I've already written about ten boring chapters worth of boring rambling. I'll try again tomorrow. I'm tired.