Sunday, November 22, 2009

New Moon Review: Attempt two (hey, that rhymes too!)

Sorry about the rambling nonsense that I wrote last night. Like I said, I was tired.

Okay, here we go: I went to see New Moon last night with my mother-in-law who also read (and loved) all the books. I'm glad she went with me because it's fun to see a movie with someone who is going to love it as much as you are. We have that in common I guess. We went to Lord of the Rings together too and we didn't get there early enough to get a good seat so we ended up having to sit in the very front row.

I had a bit of a stomach ache when we went to LOTR and so I let a little teeny tiny fart hoping it would relieve some of the discomfort. I would normally NEVER do that (shut up, Mitch), but it was LOTR, and I had to fight for my seat, I wasn't going anywhere. So, like I said, this fart was minuscule, like this: *pst* and no bigger. I swear. About 30 seconds later I discovered that it was the definitive "silent but deadly." It smelled like someone dropped a hog farm on a perm factory. I was mortified but at the same time a little bit worried about myself, thinking maybe I was horribly ill, because a human body shouldn't be able to make that smell. I was waiting for everyone to start coughing and yelling and leaving, but nobody did, so I figured it was a heavy one that only I could smell. And then I saw Julie, my MIL, out of the corner of my eye; she zipped her winter coat up all the way and scrunched down into it so it covered her face up to her eyeballs. Did I mention I was mortified? But now I was mortified and trying not to laugh. Every so often she would stick her face out of the coat and test the air, and then hunker back down into it.

After the movie she said, "That weird guy next to us farted and it really stunk! Did you smell it?"

I said, "Really? Oh for gross!" and I've never admitted to her that it was me, and I never will. She still talks about the guy who farted during LOTR. I'm still ashamed, but I still love the mental picture of her buried in her coat to avoid my stench.

Anyhoo. I did it again. I got off on a tangent and neglected my main job here, which was to review New Moon! Long story short: it was good. I have no major complaints. I especially loved that most of the main characters have gigantic front teeth. I love big front teeth. If I could choose my front teeth, they would be actual Chiclet sized.

I'm a terrible movie reviewer.


  1. I'm dying. Your reviews are awesome. *haha* I'm going again (#2) tonight with my sister...again. Did you read my review???

  2. I'm always like a decade behind everyone I'll probably watch these movies in about 3 years and say "damn, why did I wait so long!". The silent fart thing...that makes me laugh! (Can you still gleek?)

  3. Dana, yes, I did read yours and Kristin's reviews and they were so great, I really had nothing to add, hence my lame-ass reviews. I LOVED the movie and can't wait to see it again. But I love Kristin Stewart. I don't see how you guys don't think she's a good Bella. She's perfect. Maybe I'm just blinded by her gigantic front teeth.

    Anne, Yes, I can still gleek. My kids love the story of me gleeking on John Olson's head at the movie theater. (were you with me that day?)

  4. Excellent. I'm told that I need to hear you do the reviews in person, BTW. In the meantime, here's the best Twitter feed currently in existence.

  5. Yeah, I was there with you. That was so freakin' hilarious!


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