Saturday, August 11, 2012

Why I'm a Neurotic Hypochondriac

I woke up this morning and checked my email to see I got an email from both of my parents:

The mailbot is from my Mom.  It was this:

She knows that I've been doing a lot of swimming this summer and just wants me to be informed that IT COULD KILL ME.  Notice her personal message, "Don't swim in any small lakes!  Pretty close to home."  Don't worry, Mom, I'm pretty sure my body is already crawling with all the deadly amoebas it can possibly host.  Hey, I bet one of those little amoebas is in my brain and that's why I'm so dumb lately!

This is my dad's email:
Hey Sarah;
Did you read the internet article about the woman in China that had a spider living in her ear canal for 5 days? She went to the doc because she had an itching on the right side of her head. Doc looked in her ear canal and saw a spider in there. A flush with saline solution got the spider out. What if she had left it in long enough for the spider to have babies? Dozens of little spiders crawling around inside your head? Wow! Something to think about as you drift off to sleep. You could tell Kira, "Oh mah god Bibsie! I think I may have a spahder in mah noggin! Whatever am I going to do abhout it??????? ...........

He doesn't know this, but I killed a little spider that had spun a web right by my night stand the other day.  She probably already laid her eggs in my head.  I have been trying to forget about that, telling myself not to be ridiculous and paranoid, but now that I know that it really happens to people, I'm not going to feel so stupid when I tape all my orifices closed before I go to bed.  (Sorry Mitch).  

Thanks Mom!  Thanks Dad!


  1. stay out of hot tubs too. a friend of a friend got an amoeba in his eye from a hot tub and lost his vision. that would suck.

  2. I sent you the email so you would keep Kira in mind. If you use nose plugs the amoeba can't get to your brain. Buy Kira some nose plugs. Oh, and you too of course.

    1. Why does the amoeba only want to go in my nose? I have lots of openings. Why not go in my eyes or my ears or anywhere in my lower unit? I'm just going to skip swimming in funky lakes.

  3. Removing that tape from certain orifices could be painful--unless you're into that.

  4. OMG I saw that article!! It had a picture of the spider lodged in her ear. He's was just sitting there smiling for the camera....
    It as been creeping me out all weekend.....


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