Quarantine day FORTY

Well, it's day forty of quarantine. If the word was any indication this would be the last day and we should be out in the streets celebrating. Not that I want that. I'm going stir crazy but I am glad that the state of Minnesota has proceeded through this nightmare keeping science and people's lives at the forefront. I don't know if I have to say this but our president is a fucking moron. Just yesterday he said that perhaps people could inject disinfectant and doctors should really be looking at that. Jesus.

The lockdown took another major downturn on Monday when my mom went into the hospital. She didn't want to go but she has had trouble breathing since her hospitalization in December for pneumonia. About a month ago she mentioned that her blood oxygen levels were in the 60s percentage-wise and everyone freaked out and told her to GO TO THE HOSPITAL but she wouldn't because all this corona virus mess was starting up and she didn't want to use resources or be in a hospital with this horrible virus going around. So she stopped talking about her blood oxygen levels.

Last weekend my dad said he was in a constant cold sweat because she was in such bad shape so he told her she was going to go to the doc whether she liked it or not. She didn't like it. He called the hospital to see what the protocol is for bringing in a patient during a pandemic. He was to drop her off at the ER and they would come get her to see the doctor. As soon as she got in the emergency room she stopped breathing and had to be intubated. She was in bad shape so they decided to fly her to Duluth because they have intensive care units at our hospitals here. She's been here since Monday on a ventilator with little change. It's incredibly sad, but more so because she can't have any visitors. There are no visitors allowed in the hospital at all. I've seen stories on the news where families visit loved ones through the windows at care centers, but she's on the seventh floor, so unless I get a helium balloon or start flappin' that's not going to happen. It's all so tragic and horrible.

Quarantine sucks. 

Quarantine: Day 34

Kira and I have played an amazing amount of Mario Kart on the Wii for the last month. We have unlocked characters and cars nobody knew were even there. We have discovered cheats and short cuts. And we both have experienced the excruciating pain of keeping your eyes open too long with dirty contacts because we don't want to blink and miss a turn or a jump. We were watching the movie Aladdin the other night and there was a scene where Jasmine was teary-eyed at the thought of her kingdom being run by (whoever the bad guy is, geez, am I supposed to remember everything!) and Kira said, "I wish my eyes were that wet when we play Mario Kart," and I laughed and laughed. She played so hard one night that a contact lens fell out and she couldn't find it. I found it today on the kitchen floor.

Distance learning for my students is really starting to suck for me. Today, nay, I should say, last night at about 10:30 a parent emailed me asking where her student could find the information (Read chapter four of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) she needed to answer the question I had as an assignment today. I gave the books out to students before we started distance learning but this student didn't pick one up. No problem! It's in the public domain and online! I graciously took a screenshot of the slide in my slideshow where her daughter, and all the students can find that information and more! As you can see, I linked the chapter, AS WELL as an audio link to the chapter, AS WELL as TWO links to summary and analysis. AS WELL as a link to Sparknotes. But they couldn't find the information.

I replied to her email and told her to have her student look in the slideshow that I took hours painstakingly making and she would find the links. She said they couldn't find it. You know why they couldn't find it? Because they didn't look. Every other kid seemed to have no trouble finding the chapter. Even if I was a total coaster and didn't post links and just said, "Find the book Jekyll and Hyde and read chapter four" that would not be an unreasonable thing to ask them to do because it is, as I've already said, in the public domain and a simple Google search of "Jekyll Hyde Chapter 4" brings dozens of results. I have amended my Jekyll and Hyde unit so the kids have to answer ONE question per chapter instead of several among other activities, and still I get complaints. Well, "complaint, (singular)" but it still riles  me up. The nerve. I know exactly what happened too. This kid told her parent, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," which is a total lie because I haven't changed the basic format of the course from when we were at school, and the parent believed her and got busy on email before she could do her own research. I get it. People are tense. I am tense. I understand. But still. 

For the most part though, school has been okay. I miss my students desperately and I miss being in the classroom with them, but they have been doing alright. Another colleague asked her tenth grade advisory if they were getting too much, not enough, or just the right amount of work in their courses and 100% of her students said that they were getting the right amount in English. No other department had 100%. It's tremendous. All the people are saying it's the best department ever. The results are unprecedented.... oh, sorry. I just forced myself to watch a national press conference and also, on an unrelated note, I'm just a tiny bit drunk. 

Quarantine: Day 25

We have been on lockdown for 25 days now. That seems so surreal to write and sounds way worse than it has actually been, in some ways. We are very comfortable and the three of us get along quite well so it has been not unpleasant. I have friends with small children who are really having a hard time. I can't imagine. Actually, my kids were both pretty easy and I had no qualms about benign neglect so I don't think it would have been terrible with my kids.

I have been positive at times that I am in the midst of my own personal fight against Covid 19, but I don't really think so. I think I have spring allergies (and always have) but now I am hyper conscious of every single cough and ache. I guess fever is the real test and I have not had a fever. Except when I get hot flashes. Then I have a fever of about 600 for about two minutes. But it goes away pretty fast.

Some days I've been so despondent and/or furious about this whole thing. I know pandemics happen and we are vulnerable to novel viruses once in a while, but when I watch the daily press briefings from the White House or hear about them on the late night comedy shows I get so MAD. How is this happening to us? Why does my government suggest that in the face of a potentially deadly virus I should fucking CRAFT my own personal protective equipment? How is that acceptable? Yesterday the Wisconsin primary election was held because the criminals in the Republican party got the state Supreme Court and the federal Supreme Court to say they had to have in person voting. The courts met online to make the decision that the people of Wisconsin had to vote in person during a lockdown caused by a pandemic. I hope that someday in the not-to-distant future those criminals are made to answer for this and I hope they have to pay with prison time.

We have been watching movies (Frozen II, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Zootopia, etc.) and watching some good shows (West World, Ozark, Schitt's Creek, Outlander) to keep us busy. I have also been working on jigsaw puzzles, and I'm so obsessed with the one I'm currently working on that I missed a meeting yesterday because I lost track of the time; and at night when I close my eyes to go to sleep I see puzzle pieces. I don't hate it. I have also been trying to work from home but it is very difficult to focus and keep organized. It will take some getting used to. Mitch has been extremely busy with work and thank goodness for that. I was worried that people wouldn't call for his services because so many people are out of work, but that does not seem to be the case.

That's about it for day 25. 

A day in the life of an expendable human

I'm kind of getting in the groove of staying at home and I think that my calling is to be a stay-at-home teacher. Of course, we haven't even started teaching yet, but we will soon. I really enjoy making lesson plans. I've been in contact with most of my students as well so I'm actually kind of excited for this to start to see how it happens. I have been asking my kids a question of the day on our virtual classroom just to reel them in and get them to look at their email every day. Today I asked them to send me pics of their at-home work space and their pets. This was for a few reasons: I want to see pet pictures because who wouldn't? And I want to see their work spaces so they make sure to have one, and I want them to send me pictures to make sure they have at least a fundamental knowledge of how to use the internet and the basic technology we will be using. I saw lots of cats and dogs, a chinchilla, fish, and some kind of crazy lizard. I also heard from one straight A student that she does not know how to attach a picture to an email. We assume kids are good at using technology, but for the most part, they are not.

I am listening to the governor right now talk about the details of our current shelter in place order.  It's so surreal. And what is even more surreal is that the shithead in the White House thinks we should sacrifice lives for the sake of the economy. I thought to myself, "Well, this will make all those MAGA idiots finally see him for what a crass, immoral dickhead that he is!" but no. They are falling into line behind him saying that it is important to spare the economy. Do they not know that he is talking about THEM? US? The little people who couldn't get a Covid test unless we were at death's door even as entire NBA teams get tested because....? And even if we were at death's door, many of us would be told to go home and not to come to a hospital unless it was dire. I read a tweet the other day that said the best way to find out if you have Covid is to cough in a rich person's face.

While I have been setting up my online classroom with my colleagues, we have made contingency plans in case we get sick. There are at least two other adult staff members that have administrative access to our online classroom sites in case we start to fall ill to this pandemic.

I hope that if I go at least Carnival Cruise Lines or Boeing gain some points on the stock market. That would make it all worth it.

Capitalism is so great, you guys. So glad we aren't fucking socialists. 

Home Office

I spent the better part of the day making a home office/classroom today. Kira is letting me use her desk and I scavenged the rest from my desk at school and from around home.  I brought a bunch of art from school to put on the wall that will be behind me when I remote teach and have meetings.

Other than that it has been a blah day. This pandemic can go fuck itself. 

Quarantine Games

Kira and Mitch and I went over to visit Mitch's parents today. Don't worry, we observed social distancing rules - brought our own thermos of coffee and our own cups, sat at least 6 feet apart outside on the deck.

The roof was dripping so Kira and I made up a new game called, "Slapping the Drip." It was fun. It evolved into "Clapping the Drip" and "Kicking the Drip."

"Kicking the Drip" is really hard because you can't follow the drip from the eave with your eyes, you just have to anticipate. 

Then Kira climbed up into the bed of Mitch's truck and rummaged through stuff that was back there and asked if I wanted to play a new game called, "Pipe Fight." I declined for today. Maybe on day 514 of Quarantine I will reassess. 

Scenes from a Marriage: Quarantine Edition

Questions asked throughout any given day...

Do you think this is a fever or a hot flash, feel my head.

What day is it?

What should we have for breakfast?

Are you going to shower today?

I am putting this deodorant on for YOU.

Do we have a thermometer? 

What should I have for lunch?

Did you hear that? Would you call that a dry cough?

Is my head hot? 

Is it still March?

What should we have for dinner?

Do we still have to wash our hands if we don't go out? 

Is this the thermometer we put in the kid's butts when they were babies? 

Do we need more toilet paper? 

This thermometer says my temp is 37 degrees. That can't be good, can it?

How much butter is too much butter? 

Will you feel my forehead? 

Is it too early to go to bed?

Downtime

With all this downtime spent quarantined at home, we all have time to get intimately engaged in civil society. Find out who your state and federal representative are and write to them! Here are ours in Duluth, MN:

And here is today's letter for them: 

Hello Senator,
My name is Sarah Lindahl and I am a teacher in Duluth. I am writing today to ask for assistance for me and for my students and fellow colleagues in a few ways in light of the times we are living in now.

The first issue is health care. People need universal health care and we need our leaders to fight for that for us right now. I am on an email chain with other school leaders who are trying to navigate work issues in the time of online education. A few were discussing ways that they could legally lay off an hourly nutrition worker who said he will not be reporting to school to serve lunches because his wife is pregnant and he doesn't want to risk exposing her to the virus. Budgets are so tight that school leaders have to contemplate laying off people who depend on the health benefits provided through their employers for their health care. Often times (as in my case) these health plans are not great. My plan has a 6500 dollar deductible. I have five paid sick days. If I get sick, I understand that the current protocol is to test for every respiratory illness before testing for COVID 19. MPR had an interview with a woman who went through exactly that situation and her medical bills were upwards of 15,000 just for testing and primary care. I can't afford to pay for all kinds of tests right now. We need universal health care.

The second issue is internet. Internet service should be a public utility. I am currently directed to develop online curriculum for my classes and today discovered that my expensive so-called unlimited data plan at home is by no means unlimited (Viasat/Exede), but it could be if I paid even more. How many of our students and other teachers are going to be faced with this in the coming weeks? Will students be penalized for not having adequate internet service? Will teachers be penalized because they are being gouged by internet providers who are leaning on their misleading policies to justify gouging their customers? Is there a law against price gouging in MN? There should be. Internet is now a public utility and our lawmakers should be working to make laws that allow Minnesotans in every tax bracket equal access to the internet.

Finally, I know this may seem forward and perhaps prying, but you work for us so I'm going to ask anyway: What is your health deductible? How many paid sick days do you have? How does your situation compare with most of the people in Minnesota? Is there anything hampering you from meeting minimum requirements at work or for your family? What can your constituents expect from you during this crisis? Do you have measurable goals? We do. You should too. I'd really like to hear about what you are doing for your constituents during this crisis.
Sarah Lindahl

Feel free to copy and paste and use for your representatives too.

INTERNET THROTTLING!!!!

I got up this morning and went online to watch late night comics while I drank my coffee, like I usually do, and the video I was trying to watch kept buffering. "What the hell?..." I said. Then I checked internet usage which I shouldn't even have to do since I am paying through the nose for the "unlimited data" plan, which, it turn out, is anything but unlimited. My cycle turns over on March 24. So until then I have to live with stuttering, haphazard internet. Normally, I would say, "Man, this sucks," and go on my phone and not even think about it again, but now I am stuck at home all the time. AND I am supposed to be developing online curriculum for my students. I contacted the company (Viasat/Exede) and was told that it is their policy for our particular plan to throttle after the user has used so many GBs in the month. So.... the unlimited plan is NOT unlimited. Seems like false advertising to me.

I then used the email address school leaders got that is a direct line to the Minnesota Department of Education and told them that a potential problem with the whole online school for everyone thing will be internet providers trying to gouge customers by selling them expensive unlimited data plans that aren't actually unlimited, and then telling them that if they don't want to be limited, they should buy the EXTRA unlimited Golden Super plan for more money. Many school districts on tight budgets are currently having to buy hotspots for students who don't have access to internet. If the whole thing is resting on internet companies who are trying to profit then it will not work. The state should be working on making internet a public utility.

End of rant.

Kira and I went to Home Depot to get painting supplies so she can move into Sam's old room which is about twice as big as her current room. We were very sanitary about the whole thing - hand sanitizer, lysol spray, and clorox wipes go with us everywhere now. No deep breaths. She is diligently cleaning, spackling, and sanding her new digs even as I write this. We will paint later today and she will probably be able to move in tomorrow. 

Pacing Ourselves... Day 3?

Howdy. I've been thinking about how I am going to teach my class online. I'm not very worried about it; I think I will be able to provide plenty for them to do to reach the Common Core standards we are required to teach. My mainstream class will read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and all of that unit that I do every year in person can be done remotely pretty easily. It won't be the same or as good, but it will suffice, I hope. We were also going to do a mini-unit on how to do well on standardized tests, but I'm letting that go by the wayside for now because I suspect the Minnesota Comprehensive Assessments will be canceled this year. If not, I can pretty easily do that remotely as well.

I would like the students to also keep a journal of their experience now because hopefully something like this will never happen again and it is something I think they will be glad they had a personal record of. I am trying to come up with a list of questions they can answer that will inspire them to write more than, "I slept in and then played video games all day." So I'm trying to think of good questions.

We don't have to- no, we are not allowed to- start "school" again until the end of March. Now is the time to develop and research ideas and I'm grateful for the time to do it.

Our school is part of a cooperative of other charter schools across the state and there is correspondence between the schools about issues surrounding the closure. One letter I read today was from a school leader who has a problem because their nutrition coordinator (lunch guy) decided not to come in to work anymore because his wife is pregnant and he doesn't want to put her at risk. The leader will have to hire someone else to come in and do that job because someone has to come and make the kids' lunch and serve it to them. He was looking for ways to get out of paying the guy. So shitty. But that's what happens when schools are forced to function on budgets that don't allow for taking care of their employees. And then, to add insult to injury, public charter schools are required to jump through additional hoops to make it harder to "steal" students from the home district. We have to hold 20% of our revenue back and keep it in the bank. We can be shut down if we don't let that 20% sit in the bank. Regular public schools don't have to do that. If they run a deficit for three years the state will take over their budgeting but they don't get shut down.

For now, all of our employees at our school will be able to be paid through the end of the year. I'm grateful for that too. I have to say I'm a bit concerned about when we get on the other side of this; when all the rules that have been suspended in order to not let the 99% collapse will be put back into place, and we are all back on that razors edge of making it and not making it. Will we all just go back to life as we knew it? Or will we stand up and stand together and say no thanks, we deserve universal "free" health care, Amazon and other super rich corporations and people should pay their share, and our kids deserve benefits from birth to make sure the next generation gets off to a good start? I hope so.

On the home front Mitch and Kira and I are hunkered down together. We have been watching documentaries (Hillary on Hulu today), I cleaned the pantry, and we are prepping to paint Sam's old bedroom for Kira to move into. We are not going nuts yet.

Pandemic Isolation Day 3

Today I went to school for a staff meeting to square away how we will deliver education to our students online. Yesterday Governor Walz said that by Wednesday all schools in Minnesota will close for 8 days to figure out how to have online school. Luckily in our case it isn't that hard. Our students already have personal Chromebooks, and all the teachers have online classrooms that we use everyday anyway. It will be a cinch to go online for us. I really feel sorry for first grade teachers. I don't know how they are going to do it.

It was surreal to get things ready. Last week the kids were complaining about our poetry unit. Even while they were complaining they were writing and finding some excellent poems. We made black-out poems last week too and they were very excited to have them displayed in the hall to show off to the rest of the student body. I hung those poems up today so they can see them tomorrow when they come by to pick up computers and supplies.

I think the kids are probably pretty scared and I worry about them isolating. I'm a full-grown adult and I'm going a little stir crazy and panicky with all the pandemic news so I think my focus for the kids will be to try to keep things as normal as possible, and also to keep them connected with school and with each other. During this planning period where we are not required to hold online school I am going to have a question of the day for them to respond to on our online classroom. Today's question was, "How are you spending your time while social d i s t a n c i n g ?" The funniest response so far was, "I'm sewing a giant carrot." As one does.

Tomorrow the kids will come in to get their computers and books. I posted this picture on Facebook:

The pink sign at the top says "If-you-get-bored assignments" and the bottom pink sign gives directions for kids to record which copy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde they take. A former student who is a friend on Facebook said, "If you get bored! Right!  Just kidding, I would be the one to take those." And she would. Nerd.

I am going to make the kids keep a pandemic-isolation diary for writing practice, and also because they are living through historic times. I am going to do that as well and write on this blog every day.

Mitch and I are currently watching the news and experts are saying that restaurants and gyms and other places should be closed for the next 8 weeks, and people should not gather in groups larger than 10 people. Things are getting crazy. 

Pandemic Panic Day 2

This morning Mitch and I are actively social distancing (it's much like any other weekend, to tell the truth) and we are waiting for a press conference from the Minnesota Governor, Tim Walz, who on Friday "strongly recommended" social distancing, but also said all the schools would remain open. I'm sure you can all remember what school is like when the bell goes off between classes.  Organized chaos like an ant hill or a bee hive and definitely NOT six feet of space between every single person. Even in a calm and quiet class the kids are sitting elbow to elbow at tables or in desks.

I am watching the press conference right now. The gist of the speech from Tim Walz is that one of the primary reasons public school exists is to provide daycare for students so parents can work. I don't agree, but hey, let's go with that. If the primary purpose of public school is daycare service so parents can work, then why don't our taxes also pay for daycare? Why are parents paying up to 20% of their pay for daycare and counting the days until their kids can go to school when the daycare will be free?How about we start righting this wrong by covering daycare costs for healthcare workers even when there is not a pandemic. And we could also cover costs for teachers as well, and policemen, and firemen, and anyone else we depend on in a crisis. Let's just take care of those people all the time like we are in a crisis, then it won't be so jarring when we do have a crisis.

The government leaders are taking turns at the podium congratulating each other and themselves for coming up with such good ideas as allowing flex scheduling without penalty to workers, letting people work from home without penalty, staying home with sick kids without fear of being fired or going broke, etc. etc. But you know what? All of this was possible all the time! Who knew! I read an article in Slate that explains this much better than I can. Here it is.

If enough of us start saying, "No, I'm not going to do that" when confronted with stupid rules, and penalties, and price hikes, and fees maybe we can change things. I hope one thing that comes out of this pandemic is that people realize that much of this stupid society is based on arbitrary rules that punish people who care about other people, and people who have a conscience. Our "leaders" are masters of the bait and switch and experts at getting people to vote against their own best interests, and instead in the interest of the leaders and their cronies. I watched the re-run of SNL last night and this skit with Kate McKinnon as Elizabeth Warren and it says it all.

But what do I know, I'm just a bleeding heart liberal snowflake who loves the deep state.

Knock on Wood

At the beginning of the school year, at a board of director's meeting at my school, we were reviewing our crisis management plan which includes a pandemic plan. I remembering saying something flippant about how prepared we are for any crisis, even a pandemic, ha ha like that would ever happen lol. And then right after that sassy remark, I didn't knock on wood. This post is all about the importance of knocking on wood to prevent future disaster.

Just kidding. Knocking on wood is important, but that's not what this post is really about. Sorry about the misleading headline.

So, of course, everyone knows that we are now in the midst of a pandemic, possibly partially because of my flippancy and lack of wood-knocking, but for whatever reason (let's not point fingers) here we are.  I work in a small school with about 200 students and about 35 staff. It's a public school so we follow public protocols and listen to guidance from the Minnesota Department of Health and the Minnesota Department of Education. Our director has been in daily contact with MDH and MDE getting updates on what is happening with the virus and what schools should do in response. We are aiming to be cautious, but not hysterical. (A good motto for life in general, if you ask me.)

As of today the guidelines are to implement social distancing (stay 6 feet apart from other people), wash hands, stay home when sick, avoid crowds, and clean all surfaces with disinfectant daily. Sounds reasonable. The Minnesota legislature canceled all meetings yesterday in response to this guidance. The board of directors was supposed to have training for new board members today. There were going to be nine people in the class with a trainer. The trainer canceled the class because of the guidelines. Reasonable? I don't know. I think it would be easy to have a training and stay 6 feet away from the other 9 people in the room, but whatever. However, apparently it is too dangerous to spend time in the same classroom that was just the day before being used to teach 20 teenagers figurative language, and is expected to be used for that same purpose again on Monday.

As a teacher who wants to do what's best for her students and also doesn't want to contract a virus and die, I have been doing my best to follow the guidelines. I clean all the surfaces in my classroom with Clorox or Lysol every day. Well, I did until we ran out of supplies at school and the order for more is being delayed by a lack of those products being available. I went out the other evening to get more cleaner on my own time and with my own money, but they were sold out everywhere I looked. I found one container of Clorox wipes in the wrong place at Menards, and I got three cans of Lysol spray. Is that sufficient to kill a virus in my room for as long as the pandemic is a threat? I don't know. I hope so. I am thinking of making my own disinfectants from bleach and Everclear. I have to go out today to see if I can find bleach. I don't think I can buy Everclear in Minnesota but I live right on the border with Wisconsin, and I'm pretty sure I can get it there.

Now here's the part that is really frustrating: the guidelines from MDH and MDE contradict because their advice for public schools is to STAY OPEN. Keep having school. Surely they know that it is impossible in a classroom to implement social distancing. Surely they know that most kids aren't overly concerned with hand-washing, or coughing into their sleeve, or staying home when sick. The reasoning behind keeping schools open is that the benefits outweigh the risks. Many students depend on public schools for food and other services. Many students in Minnesota don't have personal access to computers or wifi so they couldn't do online distance learning even if they wanted to (and they don't). Health care workers might have to stay home with their kids if schools closed, leaving patients and hospitals short staffed. Suddenly teachers and schools are an important and vital cog in the wheel that is society. WHAT A FUCKING REVELATION! Schools provide day-care (even though that is not what they are for), schools provide food and shelter, schools provide caring adults educated and trained to guide students into adulthood, schools provide health services and social services students wouldn't get otherwise, and of course, schools provide education; and yet schools are continually underfunded and overtaxed.

We are expected to teach kids what to do in the event of a school shooting (hide, run, fight is the current protocol), but nobody cares enough to do what must be done to STOP SCHOOL SHOOTINGS. We are expected to address the massive increase in mental illness in school-aged children, but we are not given funding or adequate training or time to do it. And now we are expected to hold back the tide of a pandemic with home-made cleaning products and hand-washing songs.

The Centers for Disease Control says that COVID 19 generally isn't that serious for young people and the survival rate is good. Elderly people should take extra precautions because it can be fatal for people with pre-existing conditions (another blow for people who can't get insured for pre-existing conditions). I'm generally a pretty healthy person but I'm not exactly young, and I'm a total hypochondriac so the constant worrying has been stressful (Hello doctor, me again, can COVID 19 get in through the cracks in my hands from washing them 500 times a day?)

Here is another dimension of this crisis that is maddening for me. A few years ago I had a terrible cold that involved coughing that kept me from sleeping. I went to the doctor for some relief (codeine, please) and she diagnosed me with viral-induced asthma and said there is the perfect medicine for it that comes in the form of an inhaler. The inhaler opens the airways and then the medicine dries up the mucous and after a few days: voila, renewed health. The brand of medicine that was covered by my extremely shitty insurance was $450. The brand of medicine that was not covered by my extremely shitty insurance was $250. My deductible is $6500 so I was going to pay out of pocket for either one. (The budget line for teacher benefits in our school general fund is shamefully thin because of the atrociously small amount of revenue provided to public schools by the state, hence the shitty insurance.) I had just gotten paid. My net paycheck was $800. My gross income is considerably more than that, but much of it was taken out to cover the health premiums for my dependents. I still had not gotten groceries or paid the bills for the month. I couldn't afford to spend over 50% of my paycheck on a fricking inhaler. I couldn't afford to spend even 25% on an inhaler, so I had the doctor prescribe Albuterol which is only $50. It opens the airways but does nothing to dry up the mucous.

What if I get COVID 19? What if the viral-induced asthma comes back with it? What if the schools are closed and the state doesn't pay the schools, and the schools then can't pay the teachers? What if we have to close our school and the kids who depend on us for food and social services are left out in the cold? What if enough staff get sick where we couldn't even provide minimal services to our kids? Welcome to my 3 am thought circle.

What is the point of this rant? I don't know. I have had a dull headache for a few days so I guess it could be a diary of my last days (hypochondria is real, my friends).

Or it could be a call to action, but what form of action that might be, I don't know. How about all public school workers around the country walk out until schools are adequately funded? Of course this would be extremely bad-timing for that and most likely anytime we did that the people that would suffer most would be the most vulnerable kids and teachers wouldn't have the heart to do it.

Should we write to our inept self-serving legislators (most of them fall into this category) and demand social change? Unless it got them TV time, they wouldn't be that motivated to rock the boat enough to make real improvements.

How about this: go to my Go Fund Me page (linked here) and help me pay for Clorox and Everclear so I can single-handedly stem the tide of a global pandemic for my students and myself? Maybe.

If nothing else, I hope that the next time you boast or make a flippant remark you remember, at the very least, to knock on wood.