|David Morse as GW|
Of course, I don't think anything will come of my infatuation with George Washington, so don't worry about my marriage. George Washington will never come between Mitch and me. For one thing, he's 238 years older than me. He and I together would be grosser than Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Also, he had worse teeth than me. By the time he was president he only had one natural tooth left so he wore dentures which were NOT made out of wood, but out of ivory, gold, springs, and at least one cow tooth (gross), and although I am in no position to criticize someone else's teeth, I would not want to have any long frenchers with someone with cow teeth. (No offense, Martha)
He was a snappy dresser. He had his uniforms and suits made for him in London by a tailor and he always looked impeccable. Most men of the time wore wigs, but not George. He wore his own hair in a pony and powdered it white. He wasn't a big fan of bathing though. He thought too many baths were unhealthy. I bet he didn't smell all that great, unless his hair powder was made by Drakkar Noir, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have Drakkar back then. (just kidding, Drakkar: yuck)
He never had biological children of his own. Some historians speculate that because he had smallpox as a young adult it might have caused him to be sterile. (Sterility: not a deal-breaker) Martha had two children from her previous marriage before she married George (her first husband died) and George raised them and loved them like they were his own. Unfortunately they both died young. Then George and Martha raised their two grandchildren.
George was a Southern plantation man and had slaves. Lots and lots of slaves. (Slavery, that's kind of a deal-breaker for me.) Of course he set all his slaves free in his will, but that's kind of a fuck-you gift to the black man of 1799 isn't it? "You're free, now beat it!" I don't know. Probably. He had misgivings about slavery but never spoke publicly about it because he didn't want the country torn apart by the slavery issue. (OMG! Predict the future much?!) He left orders in the will that the older slaves be clothed and fed and provided for, and the younger ones to be educated and trained in an occupation, so, that's something, I guess.
So anyway, despite the 238 year age difference, my insistence on basic hygiene, and my opposition to alcoholic pets and slavery, I think I am still in love with George Washington. I can't help myself!
Happy Birthday, George!