January is not my best blogging month. But hey, it's already February, so I guess February isn't all that great either. I'm going to try to be more consistent but I feel like I don't have a lot to say these days, and I don't know why that would stop me from blogging every day NOW because I've never really had anything earth-shattering to say and I've never had a problem being consistent before. I started to the blog to write about the funny stuff my kids did that I would tell people about and they would say, "OMG, that's so funny! You should write that down!" but why write stuff down if nobody is going to read it, right? So I started a blog like 3 billion other people.
Apparently my kids are an utter disappointment lately because they aren't providing much blog fodder, and if kids aren't good for blog material and getting you the remote and a diet coke when you're comfortable and don't want to get up, then what good are they? Just kidding. My kids are really good at getting me the remote and diet cokes, but I gotta say, I'm getting a little sick of their "concern" about my diet coke habit. (say the following in a naggy, annoying voice:) "You should stop drinking this stuff, it rots your teeth. My class saw a movie about dental hygiene and they put a tooth in a glass of diet coke for 24 hours and it had a cavity when they took it out!" Okay, for one thing, I don't think putting a tooth in a glass of diet coke is a scientifically credible experiment on what happens to teeth when you drink diet coke because who is swishing their mouth with diet coke for 24 hours at a time, and where did they get the experiment tooth? Did it fall out? Why? Was it one of the baby teeth that elementary schools are disgustingly full of? YUCK. Who volunteers a healthy tooth for a stupid elementary school experiment? And what about the spit? WHAT ABOUT THE SPIT! And for another thing, SHUT IT. I could be downing six packs of Old Milwaukee or eight-balls of crack (Is that the right nomenclature? Is it crack that comes in eight-balls? I'm not sure and you know why? BECAUSE I'M A GOOD MOTHER!)
Anyhoo, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, lack of good blog material. Well, you know what they say, "write what you know" so I'm sorry, Following, here's what I know this weekend. I went up to my parent's house for the weekend and visited with family and played with my niece who is adorable and hilarious and ROTTEN, and who is soon to be old-news because Beth's new baby is going to be born in 26 days. My favorite thing that my niece did this weekend was put a white eraser on my hair brush and brush her teeth with it. I looked at Beth like, "what the heck is she doing?" and Beth said, "She has a really big tooth brush," which I'm still laughing about. I also took advantage of my parent's awesome wi-fi connection by watching Netflix on demand movies. I watched The Crucible which should be alternately titled Mean Girls, 1692! Puritan Bitches GONE WILD!
I also took advantage of my dad's super-duper five blade razor that I spotted in the shower this morning. That sucker really cuts through the brush! (sorry, Dad) Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm genetically hairy, and it's all my parent's fault. They should have known something ominous would happen when they read their wedding invitations which said: "Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot Sasquatch want you to join in the celebration of the marriage of their daughter to the son of Mr. and Mrs. Abominable Snowman-Yeti," So anyway, Mom and Dad, just be glad I'm not a boy, and the number of the local RotoRooter man is 729-7686. I'm not saying you'll need it, but just in case. It was worth it though because I'm smoooooooooooooooooth.
Oh, and I notice that I have a new follower! Yay for me! I love when that happens! And if you read this blog with any regularity, you know that the next several new followers are entitled to one of my Grandma's head staples, so guess what Rachel McGrath? Welcome! and you are the lucky winner! And because you're the first new follower I've gotten in a pathetically long time, I will send you a staple with skin still on it! LUCKY! Email me you're address and I'll slap it in the mail!* That's what I know for today. Have a great week everyone!
*Rachel, I already threw the staples away because they were grossing my family out sitting on the kitchen counter. I could send you something else gross though. You know, if you really want it. Let me know!