Monday, March 7, 2011

How to kill a mood

Last night Mitch and I were having a little "alone time" and things were looking promising for a little mommy/daddy time (if-you-know-what-I-mean.)  We were just talking and I asked the following question:

"Have you ever farted, but it doesn't come out where it usually comes out, it travels up your crack and comes out the very top and kind of pops out?  Like it's coming out your lower back instead of your butt?"

Not that I wanted to do this, but if you ever want to kill a mood, ask your husband/wife that question.  Any attraction or sexual tension there was will be gone in a flash.  And I don't know why because it's not like gas is a taboo subject between the two of us.  We are very similar in our rate of gaseous expulsions.  It's part of what makes us such a compatible couple.  I think it was the traveling of the fart that killed any desire he had for me.  Apparently he has not experienced a traveling fart and the unique feeling of having a gas bubble pop out of his lower back, and it was just too much for him to think about.  You'd think my ability to do that would enhance our intimacy, not hinder it.  I've found a way to make the gas come out farther away from my lady business.  Isn't that a good thing?

Can anyone else do this?  Have I just killed your love for me too?

13 comments:

  1. i've backfarted before. mitch needs to start wearing tighter jeans.

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  2. Oh my god, LOL! Yes, I agree, Mitch could use some tighter jeans.

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  3. Back farts are sneaky, front farts tickle.

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  4. Not on command, of course, but I get a nice surprise from time to time.

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  5. CRACK me UP? Really?

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  6. I heart you. Today, I pulled out on of my husbands' wayward eyebrow hairs with my teeth because I couldn't be bothered to get my tweezers. Its called love, and they need to deal with it.

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  7. You just killed it for my DH tonight!

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  8. OMG! Mitch hasn't lived has he? He needs to experience this before he dies or he will never be complete as a human being. For real.

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  9. Front farts...they're the best.

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  10. Marriage abort!
    Marriage abort!
    Marriage abort!

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