Iowa State Fair

A couple days ago the kids, my aunt and I went to the Iowa State Fair.  Kira was so excited that on the drive there that she said, "If there are bunnies to hold, can I hold some bunnies???!!!"  The kids were dying to go on enough rides to make them nauseous, and my aunt and I wanted to have some fair food and see farm animals.  After we checked out the fairgrounds for a while the kids headed to the Midway to go on rides and get an eyeful of carnie, (as there were carnies-a-plenty) and Auntie and I went in search of deep fried food on sticks, and animals.  We started the smorgasbord off with corn dogs and then took a stroll through the cow barn.  Normally I would not eat a fried, breaded wiener at all, (yes I would) much less eat it while walking through a barn among livestock; but much like parades make it okay to eat candy off the road, fairs make it okay (and even fun!) to eat carcinogens in a room full of poop.

I had to squeeze through a crowd of people NOT TOUCHING this bull to get this picture. (He didn't look dangerous enough to rate having a sign, but he did have an enormous scrotum which is unfortunately being covered by the sign in this picture.  It was impressive.)

Then we headed to the sheep barn which had a very special kind of stink.  All the sheep were shorn for showing and apparently female sheep are better for showing because everywhere I looked, this is what I saw:

Vaginas here!  Vaginas there!  Vaginas EVERYWHERE!

In order to get out of the sheep barn I had to avert my gaze from the vaginas and concentrate on the sheep that were covered, for "cleanliness."

KKK-Kleanliness

Next we went to the bird and bunny barn and unfortunately there were no bunnies to hold, only pigeons.  And you couldn't hold them.  Pigeon people are touchy about people touching their pigeons.  They had the pigeon show that day and here are some of the winners:

fatass

(Get it?  There's nothing even in there! (That's the joke))
\

This guy didn't win anything, but I liked him and his freaky legs:

"Get ta steppin'!"

Then we met up with the kids and walked through the games because there's nothing a kid likes more than to get financially assaulted by gregarious people with prison tats!

"What?  You mean not one single ring went on one single bottle?  What are the chances?!?"

"I totally think it's worth three dollars for you to try to walk up the rickety ladder to see if you can get a toy worth 50 cents that you don't even want.  Totally."

Then we went to the booths to see if I could get my picture with Michele Bachmann but she wasn't at her booth.  She had other crazies passing out literature for her.  We saw a few minutes of some outhouse races.  I had never heard of this before.  People put outhouses on wheels and push them down the track.  The tricky part is that there has to be a person inside the outhouse and he (or she!) has to be going to the bathroom during the race.*  Pressure!

I also saw Angelica Huston on a rascal scooter, a cow made of butter, and a pretty good one-man-band.

Then it was getting hot so we went home.  It was fun!


*I'm pretty sure that isn't true.