Saturday, August 27, 2011

An Open Letter to Nora Ephron

Dear Nora Ephron,

I'm halfway through reading your book I Feel Bad About My Neck for book club.  I wouldn't have chosen this book to read on my own because I never really thought you and I had much in common.  And I'm still kind of mad at you for Sleepless in Seattle.

I never thought about my neck before EVER, except to think how easily it could snap if I participate in any kind of sport, but thanks to you, I found myself looking in the mirror yesterday at my neck to see if it was looking gross, like you think your neck looks.  It looks okay.  It's a neck.  It holds my head up.  Who cares?  What are you going to do about it anyway?  Turtlenecks choke me so I guess I'll just have to go around looking like a turkey.  I googled your neck yesterday on google images and I don't really see the big deal about your neck.  I'm not just saying that to be female-nice either.  What is wrong with your neck?  I think it would be way worse if you woke up one morning and your neck just disappeared.

Not even Angelina Jolie would look good without a neck, turkey or otherwise. Appreciate your neck for what it is and what it does.  Can your turn your head?  Your neck is fine.

Right now I'm on the chapter about maintenance and what you do to maintain your appearance.  Wow.  All I can say is WOW.  I liked how you said that you must maintain a certain level of attractiveness on the off chance that you will see one or two boyfriends from your past and you would rather die than let them see you looking bad.  I understand that.  My sister saw one of her old boyfriends in the dollar store and her teeny cart was full of cans of tuna.  Like, dozens of cans of tuna.  She loves dollar store tuna and she was stocking up.  She said that was kind of embarrassing.  I didn't even think to ask if she had been wearing make-up.  I bet he didn't notice if she had eyeliner and lipstick on, but maybe he did.  Maybe he thought to himself, "OMG, look at all this bargain basement tuna. Is she homeless? Oh, wait, she's wearing eyeliner.  She's not homeless, she's just mysterious and exotic, and might I say, looking  H-O-T.  I can't believe I let her slip through my fingers..."

So I get wanting to look your best, but seriously, I think you should learn how to blowdry your own hair.  It boggles my mind that you go to the beauty salon twice a week to get your hair DRIED.  You are a very talented woman, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I still don't think you and I have a lot in common, but I am enjoying your book.  I'll probably finish it today and then I'll take a shower, wash my future turkey neck, and then I'll dry my own hair like a total sucker.



  1. A recent article about Ms. Ephron talks about how she is growing old "gratefully". Apparently not gracefully if her neck is the first thing on her list of "holy shit what happened to my..."

    Love the bit about your sister. Actually laughed loud enough to make my daughter shout up and ask if I am okay. I am okay. :D

  2. I agree with Angie about Nora, and yes this was a really funny post!

  3. Thanks for the laugh.

    Nobody likes aging. At least, I don't. I remember the neck being a big deal on Ally McBeal. Did you watch that show?

  4. I don't know who Nora Ephron is (let's keep that between us), but I think I like the sound of this turkey-necked looney-bin.

  5. I read that book... I thought it was okay but it kind of read like a less-funny, way-less-relatable Erma Bombeck for rich ladies.

  6. Andie: LOL! Your comment should be a blurb on the book cover. You nailed it!

    YLIHAG:Also: LOL! I love my commenters!

    Theresa: I did watch Ally McBeal but I don't remember much about it except The Bisquit and the dancing baby.

    Eva and Angie: that is a hilarious story about my sister. I love when stuff like that happens to them.

  7. Dana McKibbage WaldbilligAugust 30, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    I also am not 100% ecstatic about this book. The only chapter that hit home with me was the one about teenagers. They're supposed to hate you?! The rest of it kind of annoyed me, ESPECIALLY the part about her going to get her hair dried twice a week, WTF?? Can't wait to discuss...


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