Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm Resolute

Last year I made ten New Year's Resolutions.  One of the unfortunate things about having a blog is that I actually wrote that stuff down and can go back and read it and see how I did.  Here's how I did:

1. I will study another language. (I originally wrote "I will learn another language" but that's setting the bar a bit high.) It might be Spanish, it might be Na'vi. Probably Na'vi, although I did take 6 years of Spanish and it is an actual language used by millions of humans, so it might be more practical and more useful. FAIL

1/1/11:  I did not learn or study another language.  I went to the library once with the idea that I would get some foreign language tapes, but I had to go to the bathroom so bad, I just grabbed a couple fiction novels off the "new releases" shelf and left.  I peed my pants a little anyway on the way to the car, so I might as well have lingered over the Rosetta Stone display and picked up some Spanish or Italian.  I did watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in Swedish (with subtitles) and learned how to say "motherfucker" in Swedish (Jävel).  Does that count?  

2. I will stop being so practical. FAIL

1/1/11:  I will never be able to not be practical.  I'm just being realistic.  I am linear and literal and I can't help it.  

3. I will continue teaching myself to play the guitar. I got a guitar a few years ago and I taught myself quite a bit, and this year I will practice and learn more stuff. Watch out B7 chord, this year you're mine. FAIL

1/1/11:  I think right after I wrote the resolution post I picked up the guitar and promptly broke a string.  I'm looking at the guitar right now and it's dusty and the string is still broken.  

4. I will be more social...... JUST KIDDING! Ha ha.. I really make myself laugh sometimes! 

1/1/11: Does the internet count?  Because if it does, I'm really a social person.  I got a phone this year too and have added texting to my social repertoire, so yeah, I guess I've gotten more social.  WIN!

5. I'll get a real job. Plan A: NASA. If that doesn't work out, Plan B: Hollywood. If not at NASA or Hollywood then nowhere. Sorry, Mitch.

1/1/11:  NASA didn't work out as far as employment is concerned, but I DID go to the National Air and Space Museum and some some cool spacey stuff, and that's further that I thought I'd get on the NASA path.  I got nowhere on the Hollywood front.  I'm waiting for someone to offer me a ridiculous amount of money to write for either The Office or Modern Family.  It hasn't happened yet, but I'm ready, so I'm not really going to count that as my fail.  I'm still substitute teaching which I don't know if you can call a "job."  

6. I'll wash that gray right out of my hair. WIN!

1/1/11:  As I write this, my hair is a lightish brown with blondish streaks.  It is no longer sewer-rat-brown with gray patches.  I look at least six months younger than my real age.

7. I'll make a goal during the mother/daughter hockey game in March, and I'll do it wearing figure skates. (real resolution: I will not get permanently injured during the mother/daughter game.)(Note to self: start being nicer to Kira.)

1/1/11:  The mother/daughter game never happened!  The other mothers were all talk (braggarts) and decided not to play.  I was ready.  I had my figure skates sharpened and I was mentally prepared to wear all of Sam's stinky hockey equipment and go out and get pummeled by my daughter and her friends.

8. I will make ten different edible dishes in a bundt pan. I'm counting last week's meatloaf as one even thought it was technically last year, and I'm also counting cake as one. Eight more to go. Next week: Jello mold. FAIL

1/1/11: I totally forgot I made this resolution right after I wrote it.  Sounds like a lame resolution.  But the meatloaf was pretty cool.  Maybe I should revive this...

9. I will get the crumb of food out from under the F key on my keyboard, and I won't eat over my computer anymore. WIN! (and also fail)

1/1/11:  I got the food out from under the F key!  But I have not stopped eating over my computer, but I am more careful.  

10. I will not be disappointed with myself when I don't do any of the previous nine things on this list. FAIL

I wrote those resolutions as kind of a joke, but I didn't do very well and I am kind of disappointed despite number 10.  That's kind of sad.  Nobody likes to fail.  

Okay, on to this year's resolutions.  No jokes this time.  I'm holding myself accountable to myself this year.  

1.  Lose weight.  I know, that's so lame and so overly-resoluted, but I need to lose some weight.  Specifically 26 pounds.  I feel achy and old and although I actually kind of like my soft, marshmallow-like midsection, I really really HATE being startled by seeing my fat face that is starting to disappear into my neck when I glance into a mirror.  If I had a nice neck-line I could be 400 pounds and I wouldn't really care.  I'm just vain enough so that matters to me.  

2.  I'm going to try to work out 350 times this year.  That's at least a half hour almost every single day of the year.  I'm going to count any work-out over 75 minutes as two work-outs.  I just came up with this off the top of my head, so I am not very confident about how this will turn out.  I actually like exercising after I get past the muscle-soreness phase.  But I really really hate the muscle-soreness phase.  

3.  I'm going to try to stop picking at my split ends.  I get a little obsessed with split ends and feel compelled to pull the splitters out of my head because I see them as being subversive to the rest of the hairs which are really trying to be thick and healthy and beautiful, which is crazy.  It's going to be hard, but my hair will look better for it.

4.  I'm going to save 10% of all of our income into our IRA account.  

5.  I'm going to travel somewhere cool.  My dad and I are talking about going to Easter Island, and I would like to take my kids to Washington DC when the cherry trees blossom.  If I do either one I will count this resolution as a win.  

I think that is enough.  I'm starting the diet in earnest on Monday because we have to eat up the holiday leftovers (remember, I'm practical) but on Monday morning, all leftovers go in the trash and the food journal begins!

What are you doing for resolutions?  Anyone want to be diet-support partners?


  1. Oh man, as I was reading this, I thought "wonder if she'd like a partner?" and then you asked! Can we do a long distance buddy system?

  2. You are so funny!
    I love your new goals!
    Happy New Year!

  3. All these resolutions, but you're the first blog I've come across that reflects on last year's resolutions. Great idea!

    I think you did well. Often it's the small things we can do.

    Putting 10% of your income aside sounds like a great idea. Good luck with your 2011 goals!

  4. I, too, need to lose weight and exercise, but I'm not sure I'd be a good diet partner. I'd always be suggesting chocolate rewards!

  5. Love the new blog background.

    I resolve to give more compliments.

  6. I wanna! Me, too, Me, too.
    What you said.

    Diet = supreme suckiness

    Having some supportive people(s) in my corner to tell me I'm "an ass for stopping at Super One on the way home from work for nothing but a raspberry-filled bismark and a 20 oz. bottle of Coke Classic" is an absolute MUST, or I'm never going to lose 44 pounds by March 1st.


    I've got yer back.

  7. Oh yah and let me know if your plan to go to Easter Island have to go! That would be an epic trip.

  8. You're ambitious! That's some list. I am going to keep it simple - Not burn dinner, Vacuum more often, be awesome.

  9. Marcie KonowalchukJanuary 2, 2011 at 4:11 PM

    Ok, now I am feeling bad about the mother daughter game. Let's do it this year, and you can score 2 goals! Game on!

  10. I think this was my favourite post of yours yet!

    Love the honesty.

    I think 350 days is super-duper hard. Even half that would be awesome. Then you could surpass your goal. But 350 is hard.

    I say you win for being ballsy enough to recount and acknowledge last year's stuff head on!

    I didn't even make resolutions. Maybe vaccuum more. Sounds good.

  11. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE NECK LINE!!! i have a piss poor neck line. if i had a nice, defined neck line i think i would feel less fat, even though it has nothing to do with my actual weight, because even when i was 50 pounds lighter i still didn't have a nice neckline. i think it's just that things that look angular can't really look fat... so it's like an illusion. like if i had a good chin i'd be like david blaine... people would look at me and be "oh wow, she's so thin" then if they turned to see me as i walk away they'd be like "OMG SHE'S FAT!!"
    i'm considering the neck line slimmer. i also want to be work out palsies! i'm excited to check out the chunkersons!!!! cheers!


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