I went to the movie Unknown with my friend Dana last night, and this is what I have to say to the movie Unknown: "Hey Unknown, I've seen the Bourne Identity and you, sir, are no Bourne Identity." Also, Berlin seems to totally suck. A lot of assassins who have forgotten that they are assassins regretfully remember that they are assassins in Berlin and try to right their wrongs with the help of young, beautiful down-on-their-luck Eastern European women. And the weather seems to always be shitty, which seems a little like I'm the pot calling the kettle black, considering my last post, but come on, Berlin, movies are supposed to attract people to the cities they are set in, not repel them.
Also, I've been hearing the Lady Gaga song Born This Way on the radio and I like it a lot. I also liked it back in 1989 when Madonna sang it and it was called Express Yourself. But I can't stay annoyed at Lady Gaga. She wore a meat dress. And meat shoes, and a meat hat and had a meat purse that she made Cher hold for her. That is just too wonderful.
Thanks for saving me the money and time I would have spent to see The Unknown!
ReplyDeleteBut it's got Liam! I kinda have a huge crush on him.
ReplyDeleteCopy Cats, I agree with both!
ReplyDeleteOK, first of all, we love Liam, but he's not so hot in this. He spends ALOT of time trying to be like Jason Bourne. He is also "married' to January Jones, who is younger than his daughter, if you get my drift, eeewwww. Here's my impersonation of the director of "Unknown":
ReplyDeleteDirector: OK Liam, in this scene, you're going to open up a mysterious briefcase. Inside the briefcase you find a bunch of passports. All of them have YOUR picture on them! They are all for DIFFERENT countries! I know, weird, right? I want you to look scared! Confused! Ah, hell, just try to look like that Jason Bourne guy when he did it.
NEXT SCENE:
Director: OK, now in THIS scene, you're going to have AMNESIA. You have NO idea who you are or how you got to where you are! You should be scared, confused, maybe a little angry. Ah, hell, just do the Jason Bourne thing again.
There were also the same car chases (maybe even through the same neighborhoods, I'm not positive!), the same Creepy Dark Haired Eastern Europeans in Black Leather Coats in big black SUVs chasing him. And yes, is it ALWAYS winter in Berlin?? I'm still trying to think of one scene that wasn't lifted from a Jason Bourne movie...
OH! I almost forgot the best part! SPOLIER alert, so stop reading if you think you still might pay $20 to go see it: After all the secrets, lies, fake wives, car chases, almost drownings, etc, you find out that the Really Bad Guy is doing all of this to... wait for it ...steal a corn hybrid from a biochemist so he can ...FEED THE WORLD for free. Honest. I know, right??
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