Friday, April 8, 2011

The Dark Ages

I have been without wifi at home for over a week now.  How did I ever live without the internet?  What kind of existence did I have if I couldn't find out within minutes what the R. in Edward R. Murrow stands for (Rocky), if cabbits are a real thing or if Mitch was just lying to me again (lying), or what is the meanest animal in the animal kingdom (honey badgers)?  I had vivid dreams last night about looking out at our wifi receiver thingy and seeing five red lights indicating that not only do we have internet, but we have super fast internet, but when I jumped out of bed to look to see if it was real, I saw that it wasn't.  I am doomed to another day of ignorance and hardship. 

Last time I had internet access I had a list of things I had to look up.  For one thing, I had to find out what kind of frog I found in my bathroom, and how to take care of it and feed it.  Can you believe that 15 or 20 years ago people who found frogs in their bathroom would have to go to the library and find a book about frogs?  And failing that, they would have to talk to strangers who might know more about frogs than they do.  TALK TO STRANGERS!  Ugh!  Just kidding.  I like talking to strangers as much as I like talking to anyone.  Especially people I will never see again.  That way there's no pressure to be on your best behavior or to try to be normal, and without the pressure it is, ironically, a lot easier to be normal.  Weird. 

Anyway, I took excellent care of the frog and he was eating the live flies I caught for him, and I think he also ate the centipede I found.  He was looking fat and moist and happy, and then one morning I looked in his home and he was gone.  He escaped.  I crawled around on my knees looking for him for a while, but I didn't find him.  He's gone.  Now I realize that I have given you the impression that my house is full of flies (dead and alive), centipedes, frogs and god knows what else.  I can just imagine the pictures you have in your head of my life style and living space.  I can't deny that yes, I do, apparently live among flies (alive and dead), centipedes, the occasional frog among other things; but despite experiencing at least four of the ten biblical plagues while sitting in my living room, it is quite pleasant and comfortable.  This is rural life, people!  We live with the wild life and without the internet!  I am exactly like Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I'm going to start telling people Mitch's real name is Manly.  (Remember?  Laura was married to Almonzo "Manly" Wilder?) 

Oh, Manly!
I am "working" right now for a social studies teacher that has all AP classes and one yearbook class.  It is so easy which almost balances out the days that I have to teach kindergarten or have to babysit ninth graders.  Almost.  In her instructions for her yearbook class she wrote, "Just have them do whatever."  OKAY!  I can definitely have them do "whatever" especially if "whatever" includes making them give me foot rubs and getting me candy from the vending machines.

11 comments:

  1. I too have no clue how people lived before the internet. All this time, I thought that guys name was Alonzo and I thought you spelled it wrong and I was all like, I know from Alonzo and his manly haircut, but I look it up first on the Google and damn. His name WAS Almonzo!
    See what a dummy I would have looked like BEFORE the internet??

    ReplyDelete
  2. speaking of honey badgers, you have to see this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

    you can thank me later.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're so right. What ever did we do before the internet!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're Lucky I Don't Have A Gun: That's a long name to type, and thank you for the video link. That was hilarious! "Honey Badger don't care!"

    Tumbleweed: You're Welcome!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Was there even information before the internet?!

    All you have to do is spend a few days without and you realize that we lived in the dark ages before it. We stumbled through lives based on assumptions and our own faulty perceptions and conclusions. It's a wonder humanity didn't come to an end!

    Nowadays though we're all well informed and able to flame anyone who doesn't agree with us under the cover of absolute anonymity! Life's pretty good since the internet came along, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't you just love rural life? I have baby ducks in my bath tub, I had a sick chicken in my kitchen until last night and I am sure somewhere there is something lurking I haven't yet found. LOL

    Love little House! Hope you get your internet back soon!

    Have a good one!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You ARE exactly like Laura Ingles Wilder. EXACTLY.

    I have zero patience when it comes to having to wait for things. And it's gotten worse since the internet. This does not bode well for humanity.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was telling a Brazilian all of the amazing things that come out of Minnesota and when I got to "Little House on the Prairie", she hadn't even HEARD of it.

    My dad was right, this country is God-Forsaken.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We were without electricity for a total of four days and no cable, internet for almost six. If not for my cell phone, I would have lost my mind...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dana McKibbage WaldbilligApril 11, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    My 17-year-old daughter just stares at me like I have 3 heads when I tell her the Internet was invented AFTER I went to college. She has no grasp of this concept. She thinks I'm telling her lies to make sure she appreciates her high-tech lifestyle. I had to show her an old 5-inch floppy disc before she would believe me!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Before the internet ?? My house waws actually clean.

    ReplyDelete

I would love your comments.