The kids and I traveled to DC today and OH MY SWEET FUCKING LORD is it scary to land an airplane in a windstorm, even as a completely oblivious passenger, not to mention the pilot who I happen to see after the flight who was pale and had visible flop sweat. And why why WHY is it record settingly windy every time I get on an airplane? Why? It was a small plane, and there was a field trip of eighth graders on it and they were sitting in the back of the plane and guess what? Kids LOVE almost dying in airplanes in windstorms, mine included! What the fuck is wrong with these people? (oh, and btw, how crazy does a social studies teacher have to be to take a group of eighth graders across the country?) One time we dropped about 3000 feet in altitude in a sideways, sort of straight down move and all the kids on the plane said, "WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" as I was saying "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" and crossing myself. And I'm not even catholic! Or religious at all in any way! I tried to hold Kira's hand for comfort and she yelled, "Ow! You're breaking my hand!" so Sam held my hand in his big meat paw until we landed. I don't think the kids know how close we came to dying. I knew it when the pilot lit up the emergency exit signs while in the middle of the landing approach. I totally pictured the slides coming out in the middle of the Potomac. I think the pilot did too.
So when we got safely down on the ground and my sister picked us up I said, "I NEED A DRINK," so we went to a chinese restaurant and I ordered a "Dirty Arnold Palmer" which was pretty good and effective. And then we came to Amy's house and I found some wine and some wine glasses and the wine glasses are so big they hold about three quarters of a bottle of wine in each glass. The kids are now looking at me with worry like they are part of an after-school special starring Scott Baio and should join Alanon or something, when really, they don't realize how they came to dying in a fiery crash and being the lead story on the local news. A tipsy mother is NOTHING compared to that. Stupid kids.