Walter Mitty

I recently found out that something I do that I thought was totally normal and common is actually kind of weird.  But I still don't think I'm weird.  I'm sure other people do this too, but don't admit it so because I'm coming clean, I want you to come clean too, in the comments, so I don't feel so stupid.

When I'm doing something boring, or something I don't like I pretend I'm doing something else that's perhaps dangerous, or heroic or really important.  For instance, when I go for a walk in the winter in the deep snow, and I have to climb the hill in our back yard, I, of course, pretend I'm climbing Mount Everest. That's so obvious, I bet everyone does that!  However, I told Kira about one today and she looked at me like I was a lunatic and won't stop making fun of me.  Yes, you heard right: KIRA making fun of ME. Today I had to weed my landscaping rocks.  But before I go into that, why is it that plants grow so lush and beautiful in the landscaping rocks?  I can't grow gorgeous plants on purpose, but I can't stop weeds from growing out of rocks.  That just doesn't seem fair.

 Anyway, back to my ALLEGED weirdness:  While I weed I pretend that I am a police detective, a "narc," if you will, and I am at the frontline in the war on drugs.  The weeds I pull are drug dealers, and if I'm lucky, my arrest (weed pulling) will lead to the seamy underground of the drug world and I will bust a huge cartel (root system) and clean up the streets for the kids of the future (?).  I love when I pull a tough little tuft of grass and it has a root system that leads to all the other tufts of grass in a large area.  That, my friends, is a good day on the streets.  Makes the days when I can only manage to get punk street dealers (leaves) and they won't give up their suppliers (roots).  Those are frustrating days.  They're why I drink.  Life is tough for a cop on the beat sometimes.

So do you also do this totally normal thing to make a boring or unpleasant task tolerable?  I'm sure you do.  Please tell me about it.  I need some reassurance.

I also pretend I am the six million dollar man (but I'm a woman, of course!) when I'm on the elliptical machine at the gym.  I pretend the people around me are scientists and they are saying things like, "Oh my god, nobody has ever gone for 45 minutes on level 5!  NOBODY!" and then they write things on their clipboards.

Also, when I make frozen pizza, when I cut open the plastic wrapping around the pizza I pretend that I'm a doctor and the plastic wrapping is a woman, and the pizza is a baby and I'm doing an emergency C-section.  "Save her, doctor!  Get the baby out!  You're the only one who can do it!" Then I cut it out and voila, a healthy pepperoni baby.  Then I throw the mother in the garbage and cook the baby.