Last month my hair was longish, and straggly and driving me nuts, so I cut it myself. Oh yeah, sometimes I cut my own hair. I admit it. I figure I can admit that now that I've owned up to being a redneck. The reason I started doing it was because when I go to a professional (Brandi at Costcutters), I give her (Brandi) an exhaustive explanation of exactly how I want it cut and while I'm telling her I can practically see her eyes glaze over while she thinks about absolutely anything else, but probably how to best accessorize her new neck tattoo. Then she cuts my hair into the same ugly cut that every single beautician has ever cut my hair into. There must be something about me that tells people I would look good with this cut:
I don't. So after I come home I usually end up cutting it myself anyway to fix it so I don't look like such a fool. Then one day it struck me, why not skip the middle man and save myself seven bucks? (what?) So anyway, last month I gave myself perhaps the cutest haircut I've ever had. I was so proud and so adorable. Yesterday I looked in the mirror and thought that I could use a little trim and was still feeling a little cocky about what a good job I did last time, so I got the scissors out and got down to business. I felt like I was doing a very good job and it was cute when it was wet, but when it's dry I look like an acorn. Oh well. When you cut your own hair, you're bound to do a bad job most of the time. You learn to accept that fact, and then you start wondering what Brandi at Costcutters has been up to.
Then last night I asked Sam to light the grill for me. I heard him pushing the igniter over and over so I yelled for him to STOP and went out to see what was going on. He wasn't pushing the igniter hard enough, but I didn't know that when I pushed it and a gigantic fireball encased my head. Sam was totally freaked out at seeing a grill explode on his mother but I was totally fine. It was scary, but it didn't hurt at all and it was over in a split second. (that's what she said! that's what she said!) No damage done! Except my acorn hair. As if it wasn't bad enough already, now the part where my bangs would be if I had bangs is singed and looks like the hair of an old Barbie Doll.
Pretty. Oh well. My total lack of eyebrows will hopefully distract people from my old Barbie/acorn hair.
Just kidding. It would take a nuclear explosion to burn my eyebrows off. In fact, after the apocalypse all that will be left living on earth will be cockroaches and my eyebrows.