Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hello, I'm still alive

I haven't had the best week.  The vertigo came back with a vengeance so I called the doctor to see if she could prescribe more anti-nausea medication without seeing me.  She asked how I was managing the nausea now and I told her I was using some patches from the last time I had vertigo, three years ago.  She said, "You're using patches that are three years old?"  Yes.... so?  She said, "Are they working?"  I guess so.  I'm not throwing up.  She said they were expired and might not work how they should.  So maybe the hallucinations and memory loss aren't normal???  You know what, as long as they keep me from throwing up, I don't care.  I'd rather give birth than throw up.  I'd rather go to jail than throw up.  I'd rather kick an adorable puppy right in the face in front of a classroom full of preschoolers than throw up.

This puppy
Get it?  I really really hate throwing up.  I've been trying to self-diagnose the cause of the vertigo and I'm pretty sure it's a viral infection in my left ear.  Or a brain tumor.

Anyway, I also want to get a bike.  I haven't ridden a bike for a long time, but I remember it being kind of fun so I'm looking at bikes like this:

Except I want streamers coming out of the handlebars.  And the basket needs to be more private so everyone I pass on my bike ride doesn't see all my stuff.  It also needs to be a girl's bike because I remember when I was a kid and it wasn't cool to have a girl's bike so everyone had boy's bikes with the bar.  I have vivid memories of smashing my crotch on those bars so hard that now that I think back I may have broken my pubic bone and I definitely lost my hymen to a certain men's Schwinn bike that was way to big for me to ride.  Good thing I'm not part of a religion that checks hymen integrity before a wedding.  I would have been stoned to death.

My new bike also needs a huge, wide, cushy seat.  Back when I was a kid the smaller and sleeker the seat, the cooler the bike.  God, we really didn't care at all about crotch comfort back then.

Mitch pointed out that my new desire for bike riding is strange considering I have shown no interest in bikes for years and years and now that I have vertigo, it's all I can think about.  Whatev.  My balance is getting better and better BECAUSE of the vertigo.  When it finally goes away I'll be able to do a cartwheel on a balance beam because of all the overcompensating I've been doing.  I wonder if I can still do cartwheels?  I'll try one later.


  1. Oh dear! I hope the vertigo goes away soon!

  2. Dude you can't ride a bike with vertigo......

    I personally don't ride bikes, hurts the lady parts too much. And that's probably from the injuries I got as a child racking myself on the damn bar!!

    I remember that pain as if it was yesterday.

    Feel better, keep self diagnosing, and tell your Dr. allll about it, they LOVE that!

  3. I FREAKIN LOVE THAT BIKE! Sorry to yell but that is how excited it made me. I picture me being super modern day hippy cute riding one of those. I would straighten my hair so it is sleek and blows back all pretty when I go moderately fast. I would also get some retro shorts to wear while I ride. Now, if the seat could be a bit wider...

    I say get the bike. :D:D:D After the vertigo goes away of course.

  4. Eva, Me Too!

    Jane: You are so freaking funny! I WILL tell my doctor all about my brain tumor/inner ear virus! And Yes, I can ride a bike with vertigo. I did it a few days ago on Kira's bike. It was exciting.

    Angie: I know, right! That is a fantastic bike.

  5. Dana McKibbage WaldbilligJuly 21, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    OK, for starters: I'm obsessed with my bike. It's not orange. It's not retro. It's actually a really studly Rock Hopper. But I love it like a flower loves the rain. My mom has a bike she should sell you. It's alot like that orange one, only not orange, and it has a killer comfortable seat. I'll be in touch...


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