Mitch likes to tell me wild stories and try to make me think they are true, and when I don't believe him he says he wants to bet on it. Usually when he goes as far as betting, he's right, no matter how ridiculous the bet. Did you know that that Neil Diamond song Turn on Your Heartlight is about ET? It is. No kidding. I lost five bucks on that one. Did you also know that the University of Minnesota used to have cows with windows in their sides so you could see their insides? They did.
Last night we were watching some show that made reference to The Vagina Monologues and Mitch said something in passing about the character "Vagina Bob" from the Vagina Monologues. I tried to let it go. I really did. I've never actually seen or read the Vagina Monologues but I was pretty sure there was no character named Vagina Bob, so I said, "No Mitch, I'm not falling for that. There is no Vagina Bob!" He joyfully said, "Wanna bet?" And so began a midnight Google search for Vagina Bob.
I love Google so much. I love that they take the first word or two and try to guess what you are searching for based on what other people have searched for. I really love that I can see what people googled to see my blog too. Yesterday someone was directed to my July 2010 archives by googling, "fat ugly wiener dogs that are stupid." Last night, tired and punchy, Mitch was about to type in "Vagina Bob" and got as far as "Vagina" and Google said, "Vagina smells like vinegar?" No Google! OMG! LOL! So then we got silly and totally off track and googled "Vagina smells" and learned that some poor women ask Google why their vaginas smell like a variety of things like turnips, wet garbage, buttered popcorn, Taco Bell meat, "sea creatures," a dead mouse, or ketchup. Oh ladies, just go to the doctor! (especially you, Turnip Lady)
So anyway, back to Vagina Bob. There is a character named Bob in the Vagina Monologues, but he is not known specifically as "Vagina Bob," so I declared that I had won the bet. And then Mitch said, "No fair! He's a vagina, and his name is Bob, hence: VAGINA BOB" And then it struck me that OMG, Mitch thinks The Vagina Monologues is a play where the vaginas are the ones doing the talking, so I said, "You do know, vaginas can't talk..." He said, "In that play they can!" and then he did some puppet-like miming with his hand and said, "I'm Bob, and I'm a vagina!" in a deep, manly voice. I didn't even get into the fact that even if vaginas could talk and put on plays, they are most likely female. We declared a stalemate and went to bed.