Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Nicknames I've given to my body parts based on Kady calling her crotch, "Old Friend"

Kady wrote a hilarious story about how she was telling her crotch to toughen up because she isn't going to break down and buy fully padded bike shorts for a bike race she is going to be in and she told it (her crotch) to, "Toughen up, Old Friend," and I thought that was funny because 1) she nicknamed her crotch, and 2) she considers her crotch an old friend, and 3) a legless man on an arm-powered bike overheard the "Toughen up, Old Friend" part and now he thinks she was talking to him and probably thinks she's a totally insensitive leg-snob.  That made me think of what I might nickname some of my body parts after having lived with them for forty-odd years.  Here's the list:

Left hand - "Lefty"

Right hand - "Writey" (get it?)

Eyes - "Stevie" (Wonder) and "Ray" (Charles)

Nose - "Smell Smith"

Mouth - "disgusting bacteria hole"

Teeth - "Chalky buddies"

Boobs - The "Litchfield Two"

Nipples - The "Denver Three"

Legs - "Logs"

Bladder - "Impatient Bitch"

Crotch - "Old Faithful"

Uterus - "Bleedy"

Cervix - "The-organ-that-better-watch-its-back-because-if-I-have-to-endure-one-more-abnormal-pap-it's-total-hysterectomy/incinerator-time."

Fat Cells - "The Irrepressible Billion"

Head Hair - "The Totally Repressible Five"

Unwanted Body Hair - "The Incredible Forest of Stumpy Insect Legs"

Left foot - "Fred" (Flinstone)

Right foot - "Barney" (Rubble)


  1. I'm a little confused by the Denver three.

    1. Eva, is this really a road you want to go down?

  2. The Flash and The Wonder Twins.

    You're welcome.

    1. Sure, but I don't have those particular parts.

  3. Couldn't think of anything I wanted to share. And then I remembered referring to my bunions as "devil horns". If you have them, you know why.

    1. Do you know how Dr.s get rid of them? It involves bone scraping. Gagorama.


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