Friday, June 28, 2013

Beating Up Animals

Remember this conversation I had with Mitch?

Mitch:  What is the biggest primate you think I could beat up?

Me:  .....???? .... what?

Mitch:  (sigh) What is the biggest primate you think I could beat up?

Me:  Like, win in a fist fight?

Mitch:  Yeah.

Me:  A spider monkey?  Lemur maybe?

Mitch: (clearly insulted)  No way!  I could at least take on a baboon!

Me:  No, you couldn't.  They are vicious.

Mitch:  Yeah, but they're not that big.  Just a minute, I'll google it...

And so on...

Well this conversation isn't over, apparently.  Yesterday Mitch asked me if I think he could beat up a chicken, specifically a rooster.  I think he is just fishing for compliments.  This is how that conversation went:

Mitch:  Do you think I could take on a rooster?

Me:   No.

Mitch:  Yes I could!  You know I could.  But what if it was the size of Foghorn Leghorn?  Do you think I could then?

Not a chance, Mitch.  Especially if he had that board.

Me:  I already told you, I don't think you could beat up a real rooster, not to mention a man-sized cartoon rooster with hands.

Mitch:  Yes I could!  It's a bird.  They are like, three pounds.  But anyway, what if it was man-sized?  Do you think I could then?

Me:  No.  Roosters are meaner than you think.  If it could get you down, any rooster could kill you.  What they lack in bone density, they make up for in rage and evil savageness.

Mitch:  How would they get me down???

Me:  I don't know.  I just know that a smart person wouldn't lay down in front of a mean rooster.  Or they're dead.

Mitch:  THAT's ridiculous.

"Bring it, Bitch."

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