Thursday, June 27, 2013

When Did I Get So Embarrassing?

Sam is an unusual kid.  He's always been so good and helpful and sweet.  Yesterday his bed wasn't made and I said, jokingly, "I see that summer vacation for you means a vacation from bed-making," and without missing a beat he turned around with candy in his hand and said, "What do I have to do to make this problem go away?"  He knows me so well.

He went through the briefest phase where he was a little embarrassed when I would drop him off at the bus stop wearing my pajamas, but he didn't show it until I started doing the cabbage patch dance and then he asked me firmly but politely to "PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!"  And one time when he had a choir concert at his middle school he walked ahead of Kira and me instead of next to us.  I attributed this to him being annoyed with Kira and didn't think it had anything to do with me. Maybe I was wrong.  I got him back by taking a bunch of pictures of how cute he was in his skin-tight black pants that were too tight around his adorable frog-body.

But Kira, who is 13 now, is mortified by my very existence.  Unless I am blending into the woodwork like I'm invisible, she is totally embarrassed.  I dropped her off at hockey the other day and said, "Bye," and later when she got home she told me that I didn't need to say bye to her.  I said, "Why not?  I just wanted you to know I was leaving!"  and she said, "Mom, please."  I think this new mom-phobia she has can be cured with immersion therapy.  I need to start truly being embarrassing.  Here is a list of things I am considering doing when I'm out in public with her, please add your ideas in the comments:

1.  Black out a tooth.

2.  Wear shorts and a bikini top with long socks and sneakers.

3.  Wear bandaids on my face.

4.  Communicate with her only through interpretive robot dancing.

5.  Stop bathing.

6.  Wear an "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt.

7.  Start talking in a cockneyed British accent.

8.  Ask where they keep the bras at every store, gas station, and restaurant we go in.

9.  Do a dance mob routine without the accompanying mob.

10.  Introduce myself to people by saying, "Hello, I'm Kira's mother, nice to meet you." 


  1. What the hell. I tried leaving comments on this post twice last week, on my stupid PHONE- big surprise- and they never showed up. I hate everything. (Unless, you actually saw my comments and deleted them. In which case, I'm going to pretend it never happened and enter it a third time.)

    Your post had me laughing at my desk at work. My favorites are band-aids-on-face and "I'm with Stupid" shirt and the fact that you even thought up "band aids on face" made me think we would be great friends.

  2. Thanks! I would never delete your comments. I really need to get myself an "I'm with Stupid" tshirt. I think it would come in handy.


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