Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Last month my friend Shelly and I started going to classes with a personal trainer.  It is at a gym that specializes in training teams and elite athletes so naturally it's the obvious place for middle-aged mom-types.  Our trainer's name is Jeff and he's been hiding his true self behind a facade of niceness and smiles and friendliness but his inner Jillian Michaels comes out sometimes.  One day he told us to do waiter walks (you hold a gigantic weight with a straight arm above your head and walk) to the end of the gym and back three times.  Then he decided that it would be better to do it outside because it was nice out.  So he showed us a spot about twice as far from our starting point as the length of the gym.  Shelly and I did it two times instead of three times because the distance was so much further.  The other ladies did it three times and asked how we got done so fast.  We told them our thoughts about the difference in distance and Jeff blurted out, "Nobody told you to think about it, just do it!"  Then he smiled like he was joking.

This morning he was telling us these arm exercises he wanted us to do and Shelly said, "So we'll use about 5 pound weights?"  and Jeff said, "five pounds??? What, are we 'toning'?"  And I really wish I had a sarcasm font because the disgust he had in his voice when he said that was absolutely hilarious.  Shelly and I were flabbergasted.  We said, "Um... yes, we are toning, aren't we?"  And he laughed and said, "No you're not.  You're adding mass."  Oh Jeff, the only reason I'm in your class is because of all the "mass" I've packed on in the last year.

Another thing we had to do this morning was some work with the yoga ball.  If the object of the yoga ball work was to see how far we can make a yoga ball shoot out from under us while we fall on the ground in a heap, we would have been world class, but that wasn't the object.  First we had to squeeze it between our legs and then do leg lifts with the ball.

We didn't look like this.
For us this was mostly throwing a huge ball in our own faces over and over again and then chasing it when it rolled away.  Then we were supposed to do planks with our elbows on the ball for what seemed like hours at a time.  Jeff came over and told me I was doing it wrong.  He took my ball and said, "This is what you're doing," and he draped himself over the ball like he was sleeping.  (I wasn't doing that) He said, "This is easy, I could do this all day."  Then he showed me that I was supposed to be planked up like a board, with only my elbows touching the ball.  Way harder.

He really works the shoulders a lot and I have been having a hard time even lifting my arms lately.  I got a new sports bra the other day and the first time I wore it I thought I was going to have to call 911 for help getting it off.  I'd hate to have to quit training because I ripped both rotator cuffs in a sports bra injury.  

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