OMG IT'S OPRAH!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!
I was flipping through the channels a few minutes ago and I came across Oprah and I stopped because I couldn't figure out what she was wearing. It looked like a black dress with a tiny yellow lace-up bodice, and I said, "Um, excuse me, Oprah, that's butt ugly." While I was watching and trying to figure out what would possess her to wear that because she usually looks so nice; she ripped it off and had a beautiful, sparkly, Mrs. Roper-like red dress/robe on underneath and she announced that it was her FAVORITE THINGS SHOW!!!! (you know how she does it) and the people in the audience all went totally bonkers.
The people in the audience were specially chosen because of something special they did that is generous or something, which makes me wonder why they are so surprised (screaming, crying, having seizure like reactions to everything Oprah says) that it's the favorite things episode. Hey Peeps, did you not think it was strange that Oprah sent you tickets to one of her shows in December after you saved a million baby puppies from certain molestation and death from the very same organized group of pedophiles that was behind the whole make-your-profile-picture-a-cartoon-so-it's-somehow-easier-for-us-to-streamline-and-increase-our-molesting? (Come on, people, pedophiles are lots of things, but they are not that organized.)
I love/hate this episode. I love it because I love pretending that I'm there getting all that crap, and I hate it because I never actually am there getting all that crap because a) I'm not particularly Oprah-noticingly generous and b) I have never even thought about going to see a live Oprah show. I feel the same way about lottery winners. I never buy lottery tickets, but I get insanely jealous of lottery winners. These are her favorite things this year:
Dual time-zone diamond watch $2000
Tori tote bag $275
Tori shoes $195
Nikon camera $699
Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater $498
Judith Ripka earrings $525
Andre Walker hair products $65
18 Candles @ $55 each
Panini press $99
Ceramic knife $75
Macaroni and cheese (yeah, that's right, macaroni and cheese)
Bakers Edge brownie pan $35
Brownie Mix. She never said how much it cost. I would guess $5
Lasagne pan $35
Weight loss book (What are you trying to say? Not cool, Ope.) $
Jayzees book - Decoded (???) Why would anyone want that?
5 year Netflix subscription
Sony 3D glasses and TVs $3600
Blue Ray Player and 3 movies
Kiva.org - micro loans $100 gift card
Container store custom closet $1000
Season 25 T-shirt from the O store (yeah, that's right, I said the O store) $38
Work out pants $98
4 pairs of work-out shoes @ $85
Giant inflatable ship (oh, no, my mistake, it's a cruise. Oprah fooled me with her fantastic presentational skills) 7 day Caribbean cruise
I was going to add it all up, but she didn't give prices for every single thing. Just know that it is well over $10,000. That's a lot of crap.
Then at the end of the show she said she had a surprise guest there to make sure the audience was having a great time and could we GUESS WHO IT IS???? Mitch, who was watching with me, (and seriously messing with my live-blogging mojo) screamed out, "HAMID KARZAI!" He was wrong, it was the Black-Eyed Peas. Mitch said he was watching it because he finds the total over-reaction of the audience entertaining. He said he can't believe I don't think it's funny and kind of scary how crazy the audience is. He said, "Would you be jumping around like that and screaming?" "Um, YES," is what I said, "Who wouldn't?" Apparently Mitch wouldn't. He said, "I'd be quietly appreciative like a person should be, not bouncing around like a mental case."
I did learn something on that episode. I never heard of Kiva.org before. You can log on, and donate a small amount (or large amount) of money as micro-loans to people around the world who need the money. It is a great thing to do, so check it out!