Wednesday, May 18, 2011


You want to hear something weird?  When I opened the "new post" window to write this post which is going to be about the rapture happening on Saturday, I saw that this is my 666th post!  SPOOOOOOOOOKKKKYYYYYY!!!!! 

Anyhoo, if you haven't heard, the rapture is happening on May 21, Saturday; and the end of the world is happening on October 21.  On Saturday all of Jesus's bffs will be stripped naked and sucked up to heaven, and all of the rest of us will remain down here to endure what sounds like a really shitty five months, this according to Harold Camping and Family Radio.  I have been following a blog about this, and yesterday they were advertising t-shirts that say "rapture ready" and they are on sale "for a very limited time."  HA HA HA!  (get it?  the world is ending?  limited time?)  They are charging 18 dollars for them.  Why not just give them away?  Who needs the 18 bucks before Saturday? 

I heard about this story originally on NPR, of all places, and some people really really believe this is going to happen and they have quit jobs, given away all their money etc. etc.  Yikes.  I was thinking that these people are going to feel so stupid on May 22, but then they interviewed one man who said, "If I wake up on May 22, I will be in hell," so no matter what happens, if May 22 dawns beautiful and peaceful and bright, if he doesn't get sucked up to heaven on May 21, he will be living in hell.  Poor guy. 

I'm 99.9999 percent sure that the rapture will not happen on Saturday (or ever), but just in case, I'm going to put my diet on hiatus until Sunday. 

One time when I was the director of an alternative school that was a program of a larger high school, we got a new high school principal who was technically my boss, but I hated him and he hated me.  He hated me because I was a female in her 20s and didn't fawn over him, and I hated him because he was an incompetent douche.  He didn't like the idea of providing an alternative to traditional high school, even though it had proven to be wildly successful, so he tried sabotaging our program.  One of the ways he did this was by giving me a science teacher who was a born-again Christian and was very preachy, didn't believe in science, and whose main theme of his Earth Science class was that the earth was only 6000 years old.  The kids, bless their little hearts, politely challenged him by asking about dinosaur bones, and carbon dating, and he countered by telling them that the fossils were planted by God to fool us and test to see who really had faith. 


He taught them all about Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve, thankyouverymuch), coelacanths and how they proved that scientists were sinful idiots and evolution was a joke, and he briefly broached the science of archaeology by having a series of lectures about the remains of Noah's ark on some mountain somewhere.  I couldn't really do much about him except tell the principal (who knew exactly what was going on,) and tell the kids that their science teacher was full of shit, and remind the science teacher of his job and of state curriculum guidelines etc. etc.  The guy wouldn't budge from his preaching because he was a true believer and needed to spread the word.  He really was sincere in his beliefs, and I find myself thinking about him this week.  I wonder what he is doing to get ready for the rapture and I wonder if he would give me his car or his 401k to make the impending 5 months of apocalypse a little easier for me to endure.  I would give him his keys and money back on May 22, but I wouldn't do it without a Nelson-like HA HA!


  1. i've been following a lot of the rapture talk lately too, mainly because you know, it's said to happen on my WEDDING DAY. i can forget worrying about a drunk uncle pawing a friend, now i have to worry about the rapture and meeting jesus (or not).

    the good news is that a few places say it won't start until after 6 pm pacific time, and i get married three hours before that. should make for an interesting reception...

  2. I know! I've been thinking about you and what a bummer it would be to have all your wedding plans ruined by the rapture. Well, if it happens I hope you and your hub are either both sucked into heaven or both abandoned to eternal hell-fire together. Otherwise your honeymoon would suck. Congratulations, btw! And all the best wishes!

  3. Nothing like a little earth science taught by a creationist. That would be funny if that person was not really teaching our children.

  4. Why do they have to get naked to go to heaven I wonder??? We always had to wear our "Sunday Best" to church.

  5. Brutalism: Even at the time that it happened, when I was furious about having a creationist for a science teacher, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Well played, you giant dick, well played." When I complained about the teacher to the idiot principal the first time, and told him that he was a born-again and was preaching, the principal said, "Well, it is alternative, isn't it?"

    Eva: One word - Orgy.


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