Saturday, January 14, 2012


I used to think people that complained about back problems were weenies.  I'm not talking about people who had spinal injuries or anything, just the people who would say, "I can't help you  move because of I have back problems." and things like that.  So obviously faking, right?  But I get it now.  I was way out of line being so judgemental.  And I've got nothing major to complain about.  I've had a muscle spasm in what I think must be my lower trapezius muscle, on and off for about two weeks now. 

At its worst it made me want to cry and the only relief I could get was by stretching my top half down over my bottom half and hugging my legs.  I'm not flexible, you guys.  That is not a comfortable (or attractive) position for me to be in at all.  Kills the hammies but is the only relief for the back.

At its best the clenching stops but then I'm so sore all over my whole back from the muscular trauma of having one part literally spaz out.  I would not help anyone move right now.  In fact if you asked me to help you move, I would laugh in your face and say, "UMMMMMM!!!! WHAT ABOUT MY BACK???" because your back is like the load-bearing wall in your house.  You know what happens if you knock down the load-bearing wall to open the place up a bit and put in an island that really ties the room together?  The roof falls in.  Totally ruins the Feng Shui.  So right now my metaphorical roof is balanced precariously and the slightest dusting of metaphorical snow could collapse my metaphorical world.  And you want me to help you to move.  Are you trying to kill me?  What about my Feng Shui?  WHAT ABOUT MY FENG SHUI???!!!


  1. You either need a chiro or a long massage. (the chiro is prolly cheaper!)

    Or alcohol.

    Or a nice vacations some place very warm with a chiro, massage therapist and pina coladas.

    And bring me with you.

  2. Alcohol is the cheapest solution; it won't cure the pain, but you will no longer care that it hurts! Feel better soon!

  3. Two words: Heating pad.

  4. chiro. but only one that starts with massage then adjusts. i have a bad neck. so lame. it's from a car accident years ago. and also because i'm nuts.


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