Saturday, September 17, 2011

I didn't know until today that I was a dork when I was a kid

I have a bunch of photo albums that I took from my grandma's apartment and as I was looking through them I noticed that during my painfully long "awkward" phase, I not only looked like a little dork, but I chose to accentuate my looks by expressing myself with dorky accessories.  Take for instance, this picture of my sisters and me:

Here we are, Beth on the left with a look on her face that says, "Hurry up, I really have to poop," Amy on the right wearing the exact same dress as me (awkward!), and me in the middle.  Look past the obvious feathered hair (that was in!) and the enormous glasses (also, IN) and look very carefully at what makes my dress different than Amy's.  I dressed mine up with a button.  I saw this and I thought, hm, weird.  Then I saw a few more pictures from this day and the button kept grabbing my attention.  Why was I wearing a button?  What was on it?  Then I looked really closely and I can see that it is a picture of Prince Charles and Lady Diana.  Wha???  You can't really see it in this picture and it wouldn't show up when I scanned it, but believe me, it's Charles and Di.  Specifically, it's this picture of Charles and Di:

On a button.  On my dress.

Fast forward a few years to Beth's eighth birthday (I counted the candles):

There I am on the left.  I'd say that was about 8th grade.  Easily the peak of the awkward phase.  I had gotten rid of the enormous glasses, but I gained a little pudge and turned my cool feathered hair into a permed mullet.   I don't think I have to defend my hair choice by reminding you that mullets were in then.  It was the early eighties.  My cousin Katie who is standing next to me is also rocking an awesome mullet.  Now look a little closer:

Again, I'm wearing a button!  This time it's a picture of Michael Jackson in his red Thriller jacket:

Why?  What was it about Beth's birthday that made my 14 year old brain scream, "Hey! This is the perfect occasion to wear my Michael Jackson button!"  Were buttons in style or something?  Did I wear one every day? I honestly can't remember ever even owning a button with a picture of anything on it except the ones my kids gave me of themselves in their hockey equipment that I was supposed to wear on my winter coat, but never did because I'm a TERRIBLE hockey mom.  When did I decide buttons were stupid?  Why didn't I always know buttons were stupid?  Why was I so in love with Michael Jackson and Prince Charles and Lady Di?  Ugggccchhhhh, I'm disgusted with my adolescent self.  The bully in me feels compelled to be mean to the dork in me.  Holy internal struggle!

My mom has been sending my kids cool clothes from Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch because she wants them to look cool to their peers, so the fact that kids want to look cool is on her radar yet she let me walk around wearing buttons with people on them???  Mom!  Why???  Do you remember this?


  1. If it's any consolation, I've ALWAYS known you were a dork when you were a kid...and a teenager....and a young adult...and an adult....and a middle-aged adult. I'm pretty sure it will continue into old age as well....

  2. I spotted the button in the second pic from a mile away. That shit made me lol.

    My favorite part is that you thought buttons were special occasion wear. I want to start doing this.

  3. buttons were totally in. and i had the exact same curly mullet, only i had no perm. my brillo pad was all natural. and pretty friggin heinous.

    i was a dork too. and i think you just solved the paradoxical riddle of my life - the internal struggle between me, myself and i. don't know which is which, but they never get a long.

    maybe wearing buttons would help.

  4. Loved the photos! Don't be so hard on your inner dork. You're no alone, you know!

  5. So funny! Don't feel bad. I seem to recall a button collection of obnoxious sayings myself. And possibly some t shirts with Bob and Doug McKenzie quotes.

  6. I laughed through this entire post.

    Your buttons confirm your dorkiness through your childhood...

    ...but buttons have recently conformed my dorkiness as a parent. Just last week I ordered my very first button with a picture of my kid with a soccer ball.

    I dont care if its dorky. I will wear my button with pride.

  7. I wore Duran Duran buttons... that's even dorkier so don't feel so bad!

  8. I find it hysterical that you felt strongly enough to not only own these buttons, but chose them to express your awesomeness yet have no recollection of actually having a button fetish.

    I'm also glad that my mother wasn't the only one who lacked creativity in dressing her kids! (oh this looks nice enough. I'll just make them both wear the same dress and I won't have to shop for them any more.)

  9. So funny.

    Dorks make the best people..I LOVE THEM.

  10. I am in tears I am laughing so hard!
    You are SUCH a dork!!


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