Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Mitch's arcane knowledge and also his lies

(I can't post a picture of Mitch or he'll get mad, so I'll post a likeness instead.)

I was talking to Mitch today about something my sister wrote on her blog, and he told me that Englebert Humperdink's real name is not, in fact, Englebert Humperdink. He said he saw Englebert on the Dinah Shore show once and he told Dinah that he took the name on a bet. I don't think that is true. I looked it up, and his given name was Arnold Dorsey and he did change it to Englebert Humperdink, (why why why???) but I don't know if it was on a bet, and I don't know if I believe he ever talked about it on the Dinah Shore show. For one thing, weren't we (Mitch and me) about 6 years old when Dinah Shore was on? How would Mitch remember that? Why would I be so suspicious of my loving husband, you ask? Here's why:

One time I was thinking about getting a new pet. I was looking at maybe raising some rabbits, but I wanted something more tame and domestic, so he suggested cabbits. They are hybrids of cats and rabbits. He was so convincing that I believed it, got excited about it, and started researching them online. Who could make that stuff up? He's a biologist, he should know if there are cabbits. Now it seems ridiculous, but he's very convincing. When I looked it up I found stuff like this:

I was still thinking (hoping!) cabbits were real, and I saw this picture and my first thought was, "Oh gross, they smoke." And then a second later: "Hey! This is just photoshopped!" I was still hoping cabbits were real and some jerk was just trying to be funny so I looked somewhere else and found this:

I was getting tired of people wasting my time with these pictures. Is it too much to ask to learn some genuine knowledge about cabbits? This is obviously a squirrel. So I looked again and found this:
I thought, "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Yes! This is EXACTLY what I want!" WHERE DO I GET ONE!

My research ultimately ended up with me learning that there is no such thing as cabbits. It is a myth and only the really stupid people believe it. Darn! No cabbit, AND I'm stupid!

He also told me that the Neil Diamond song "Turn on Your Heartlight" was written as an homage to E.T. the extra terrestrial. I laughed and laughed. I wasn't going to fall for that one! Turns out it really is.


  1. You know why there haven't been any comments yet? Everyone feels sorry for you.

  2. I think I understand Kira more now.

  3. That IS a good likeness of Mitch.

  4. He adopted the name of the famous German opera composer Engelbert Humperdinck as his own stage name. I googled it.


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