Friday, February 17, 2012

Poor decisions that turn out okay keep you from ever learning your lesson: UPDATED!

You know how you get to be a certain age (over 40) and know better than to do some stupid things that seem like a good idea at the time?  Like calling old boyfriends when you have been drinking, or overpacking for a trip, or cutting your hair when you've stayed up too late and are overtired and have just looked at some very unflattering pictures of yourself?  You know how those things are bad ideas?  Well, thankfully I have never done the first one.  Although I have called people who were not YET my boyfriend after I'd been drinking.  It just goes to show that I am charming, charming, charming! even (especially) after I've had a few.  That was years ago though.  Why are we talking about drunk-dialing old and/or future boyfriends?  I don't know.  The last thing: cutting hair in an over-tired state, I've done that plenty of times before.  And I did it again last night.  I was looking at this picture of myself:


(Sometimes I look a lot like Nick Cage)

And I thought, it's time to face facts, I cannot pull off the bare forehead.  I look like Frasier if Frasier had long stringy hair, which he doesn't, therefore I look worse than Frasier. 


So when I was rushing around, getting ready for bed, stressing because I wanted to get some sleep because I had to work at the crack of dawn, I looked at my hair in the bathroom mirror and I thought, "I should cut some bangs."  Actually, here is my entire inner dialogue:

Me:  I should cut some bangs.
Me: Just finish brushing your teeth and go to bed already.
Me:  No. It won't take long.  And I'll look way better.
Me:  No, you won't.  Haven't you learned that late-night hair cutting is NEVER a good idea?
Me:  No.
Me:  You are an idiot.  Hey, why are you getting the scissors?  Go to BED!
Me:  This will only take a second.
Me:  You are going to regret this. 
Me:  No I won't.  I'll look cute.
Me:  No, you won't.  You'll look like you cut your own hair in the middle of the night.
Me:  I look that way all the time anyway.
Me:  That's because it's the only time you ever get haircuts.  Leave it to a professional!
Me:  No.  I can do it.
Me:  PLEASE, just go to bed.
Me:  Here goes!  (snip snip)
Me:  Great.  You did it.  Tomorrow I will tell you "I told you so."
Me:  I think after a fresh washing and blow-drying, it will look good.
Me:  I'm pretty sure it won't. 
Me:  Sure it will.  These choppy chunks will blend right in.
Me:  No they won't.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  PUT THE SCISSORS DOWN AND GO TO BED!
Me:  I think I can blend these choppy parts.
Me:  By cutting it more?  STOP!
Me:  I should.  I can't though.  Man, these scissors are dull!  I don't know what's wrong with me.  Help me.
Me:  I give up.  I'm not talking to you anymore.
Me:  Okay, I'll stop.  Goodnight.

And I got up this morning and rolled out of bed, tired from being up so late, and totally forgot about my late-night major-hair-decision.  I washed, dried and I LOOK SO CUTE!  What do you know, late night self-inflicted impulse-haircuts are a good idea! 


Me, this morning.  Bangs are a miracle!

Update:  Okay, that last picture really isn't me.  It is Keara Knightly.  Honest mistake.  One of my loyal readers wanted to see an actual "after" picture of me.  Sorry, but all my pictures are "before" pictures.  I'm still waiting for the day I can call myself an "after."  So anyway, I took some pictures of my new bangs.  Here, have a look:

BEFORE Before:


AFTER Before:


6 comments:

  1. ahhahahhahahh - that inner monologue is priceless. sounds very familiar. you know what's super weird? i had a dream i cut bangs last night. woah. i would never do this because i have curly hair. i did it once and it was a huge mistake. looked like i was wearing a really bad wig.

    glad your late night rash decision paid off. you look a lot like keira knightley.

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  2. I think we, your loyal readers, would be the best judges of whether or not it was a poor decision. Photo please.

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  3. I could never cut my own hair and be seen in public again!

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  4. Simone, I can imagine that curly hair poses some serious problems to the self-hair cutter. For instance even my stick straight stringy mess changes from day to day.

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  5. Dana McKibbage WaldbilligFebruary 23, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    LOVE the bangs! But the facial expressions?! Can't you just smile like a normal person?? Oh, wait, that's right... you can't.

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  6. I say two thumbs up on the new bangs. I think they tend to be more stylish and youthful. I cut my bangs not too long ago and I practically feel like a supermodel embryo now.

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