Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Mitch's Animal Knowledge

 1.  Border collies can run 27 miles per hour.  Tops.

2.  Raccoons tie sloppy knots.

3.  A pigeon can fly into the window of a car going 60 miles per hour.

4.  If a squirrel has a choice between living in nature and living in a lunch box, it will choose the lunch box.

5.  If a bird has a choice between flying and walking, it will walk. 

6.  Good raccoon names:  Smokey and Bandit.

7.  Dogs can climb plum trees.

8.  Dogs love plums.

9.  The best way to catch a bat in your house is with two paper plates.

10.  If one of your kids leaves a coonskin hat under your bed, and you see it and and think it might be an animal, don't touch it.  Make your wife do it.

11.  The best weapon against bears in the long grass:  canoe paddle.


  1. Are all those really facts? That is amazing about catching a bat with two paper plates.

  2. they're not so much facts as they are "facts" The paper plate thing didn't really pan out. Turns out they are too flimsy, but it's just what a guy grabs when his wife is FREAKING OUT.

  3. In fairness, *any* bird can fly into the windshield of a car traveling 60mph. Survivability is another matter entirely.
    I have personally struck a barn owl at 50mph, and I can verify that they are not as robust as pigeons are (according to Mitch).

  4. Oops...just re-read that bit about the pigeons. That is much more impressive! I guess the question then, is: are they willing to fly back out right away, or do they tend to linger?

  5. Did you have a bat recently? Are we 'bat buddies' now?

  6. Maybe you should use the "good" paper plates. Like Chinet; I bet those would work.

  7. Jared, I'm still laughing about *any* bird being able to fly into the windshield of a car. And yes, as I understand it the pigeon did linger. He was a pet who didn't want to be left behind.

    Sarah, I have not had a bat in years, but the last time we did, it left an impression.

    Anne, Chinet probably would be better, but with any paper plate, you have to get pretty close to the bat in order to clap it in between, and nobody wants that.

  8. I'd think that Mitch and paper plates would be effective enough. Didn't you once say that he had - and I'm quoting here - retarded strength?


I would love your comments.