I've been going through old pictures lately, and I came across the strangest picture of my sister Beth and my Grandma. Here it is. Have a good look and see if you think it is as weird as I do:
Beth looks to be about twelve in this picture and the monkey she has perched on my grandma's shoulder was actually a toy from when my mother was a kid a looooooong time ago. Beth loved it. She called it Monk. Monk was creepy because his body was kind of smashed flat and his face, ears, hands and baby booties were plastic. His lips were super red and posed in sort of a clownish smile and his head would always flop over because of his flatness. And did I mention he was wearing baby booties? Super creepy. Beth chewed one of his hands off. (I'm sure she'll say the dog did it, but I have my doubts about that.) You can't really see it in this picture because it didn't scan very well, but Monk also has a rip by his baby bootie on his right leg and Beth put a bandaid on it.
Okay, have I established that Monk and Beth's relationship with Monk were weird and creepy? Now let's look at the picture itself: Grandma is holding my cousin's baby, sitting at the kitchen table, visiting with the rest of us. Beth is standing behind Grandma and putting her creepy monkey on Grandma's shoulder. Look at Grandma's face; it's like she's thinking, "OMG, I didn't like that stupid monkey 30 years ago and I sure as hell don't like it sitting on my shoulder right now, but what to do? My instinct is to throw it off, but then Beth's feelings might get hurt. I don't want to hurt Beth's feelings, but I can't help myself! I hate that stupid monkey! Why is she putting it on my shoulder! If it wasn't for this baby I'd get up and pretend I had to go to the bathroom, but it would be obvious if I did that now, right? Oh sweet Jesus, the creepy plastic hand is fondling my neck! GET IT OFF OF ME!"
Also, I have inherited every piece of furniture in this picture, but the table isn't that shiny anymore. How did you do that, Mom?