It's September already! Can you believe it? It's my birth month! Happy Birth-Month to me! The older I get the less important the presents are. Not that I don't like presents, who doesn't, but I pretty much get whatever I want these days and don't have any pressing wishes. That being said, there are only two things this year that I really want that I'm not willing to buy myself. (Because I wouldn't know where to get them). The first on my list is a blue burqa.
I know, I know, it's a sign of the oppression of women in the Middle East. The burqa is supposed to be really confining and hot, and an all around pain in the ass. Well, everything is a pain in the ass if you HAVE to do it. I'm supposedly not oppressed and can wear anything I want, and I want to wear a burqa. Mostly because what I really want is to wear my pajamas all day every day and never wash my hair, but our "not-oppressive-to-women" society frowns on that. The burqa would cover me from the tip of my head to my toes. I'd just have to worry about my footwear. I wouldn't even have to clean the scuz out of my eyes in the morning thanks to the handy three inch wide, vision impairing mesh covering the eyes. I might have to have two burqas. One with the mesh, and one without for when I need to see stuff. I suppose I could rig up some sort of velcro system.
With a burqa I could sleep in so much longer in the morning! I'd only have to get up one minute earlier than the time I'd have to leave for work. Literally ONE MINUTE! I'd only have to put on my burqa and my nice shoes, then I'd be set for the day. And as for it being so hot; I live in Minnesota. I think maybe the women in the Middle East and the women of the North Midwest should trade clothing styles. Yeah yeah, I know they are Muslims. Whatev. Be practical, people! Are there any arm holes? That's the only thing I wonder about. I could probably cut some if there aren't.
The other thing I want is an Alpenhorn.
Look how long it is! Amazing! I heard one on the radio the other day and they played all kinds of songs with it. In fact, they even played Name That Tune with the audience. It's very versatile. I could probably get work at lots of Oktoberfests. Of course, if I got both of my birthday wishes, I would have to cut an Alpenhorn mouth-hole in the burqa so I could enjoy both things at the same time.