Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Wood-carved Man

This is a little wood-carved man that I've had forever.  I don't remember where I got it but I've had it longer than I've had kids.  I hung it up in the downstairs bathroom when we moved in and never gave it a second thought but apparently it has caused my poor kids some stress.  Sam told me that when he was very small he thought it was God.  Not just an image of God, but God himself.  Hanging in the bathroom.  In our basement.  He said he was very afraid of it so he wouldn't use that bathroom.

Kira said when she was very small she thought it was a poop-carving.  As in a piece of poop that was dried and carved.  She said she thought it was poop because it was hanging in the bathroom.  What better place is there to hang your poop-carving than in the bathroom? (Touché, Kira.  Touché.)  She was totally grossed out by it so that was why she wouldn't use that bathroom. 

It's funny how some things that make no impression on you as an adult, make such a huge impression on kids.  When I was really little I can remember asking my dad how big the moon was:

Me:  Dad, how big is the moon?
Dad: Really big.
Me:  How big?
Dad: Bigger than you think.
Me:  How big?
Dad: Well, if it was here with us now it would fill up this whole room!
Me:  WOW!  The whole room!?  That's huge!

I know my dad will deny having this conversation because he probably doesn't ever remember having it.  But I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was the day I learned that the moon would completely fill up our entire living room, and that was fascinatingly large because back then I thought it was about the size of a basketball.  A few years later I learned that my dad doesn't know very much about astronomy.

In the context of the wood-carving man, what have my kids learned about me?  Back when Sam was little he thought I had God held captive in the scary basement bathroom with the spiders and the furnace.  He probably learned that I was a powerful bitch and he better not cross me, which would explain why he's always been so well behaved.  Kira thought I was the kind of person who would use poop as a decoration and she probably learned that because she has a mother who hangs poop on the walls, ANYTHING GOES!  Which explains her lack of self-discipline (or any other kind of discipline).

I wonder how our lives would be different if I never had that little wood-carved man?  The downstairs bathroom would have seen more use, that's for sure.


  1. May I borrow the godly poop carving? This could bring me some peace in the bathroom!

  2. I would be happy to send you the poop man! If it can bring you some bathroom peace, it's worth any price, and the price is FREE!

  3. A poop carving would be way popular in our house. Poop-obsessed group that we are.

  4. I believe dad and I got you the wood-carved man as a gag gift from one of our trips out west. You looked at it and didn't say anything ............ you didn't realize it was a joke and therefore didn't want to hurt our feelings. DUH! We did have to laugh when we saw it around your house. I think Sam was about 8 or 9months old.

  5. That was a gag gift?!? I thought you guys just had bad taste. I hung it up and never gave it another thought. I kind of like it now.


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