Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Thanks for contributing to my nightmares, Jane!

My internet friend, Jane, sent me some pictures the other day (thanks, Jane!)  She said she thought of me when she saw them.  They are amazing pictures in more ways than one.  First of all, kudos to the photographer for not freaking out like I did when I tried taking a picture of bears devouring my birdfeeder.

This person seemed much calmer although clearly their bear is deadly dangerous (like all bears are, just ask the Grizzly Man.  Oh, sorry, you can't.  His precious bear-friends killed him and ate him.)  The pictures are also amazing because of the way the photographer has captured the total disregard bears have for anything you might like. 

Here's the first picture: 
Okay, these people are dedicated to their birds.  They have strung up a line across the trees.  Just like you are supposed to do with your food when you are camping to keep the bears away.  You did everything right, people, but that doesn't stop a bear.  Hey, he can climb trees!  Problem #1 solved.  Then I assume he tried to rip the cord down with his freakish bear strength, but he had no luck.  He's looking right at the photographer!  OMG, it makes me freak out a little just to look at a picture of a bear looking at a camera.

LOOK AT THIS ASSHOLE! As you can tell, the people aren't the only ones dedicated to this bird feeder.  What is this rope made out of?  It must be a cable of some sort because bears are about 2000 pounds of hate and rage and destruction.  He's hanging on with his creepy hands and his teeth.  Again, great job to the photographer who didn't drop the camera and lay on the floor in the fetal position and cry, because if he can cross that rope to the birdfeeder, I bet he wouldn't have any problem climbing all the way to your bedroom window to eat your sweet, sweet face when you think you are safe and sound and snug as a bug.  

Now the big jerk has managed to somehow hoist his back end up so he's holding the cable with his front hands as well as his back hands, which frees up his bloodthirsty jaws for destruction.  You can tell from this picture that he's pretty high off the ground.  And there's no net.  He's pretty confident he won't fall.  (I wish he would fall.)

Now his back legs are swinging free, his mouth is free and he's doing an ACTUAL PULL-UP (when's the last time you did a pull-up? [a real one]) so he can get to the birdfeeder. 

If he is willing to go through all that just for some dry old birdseed, imagine what he would do to eat your children.


  1. What an ass of a bear! Total disregard for all of their hardwork...but one hell of an athlete...pull up master!

  2. WOW! I had no idea they could do that.

  3. Grizzly man had it coming...Mr. Chocolate likey!

  4. Glad you enjoyed the pictures.......I am starting to look at bears in a whole new light.....assholes!

  5. Love your dialogue... makes me giggle.

    Also - does thinking the bear is super-cute and pretty damn smart make me the asshole?

    Damn. Thought so.

  6. This very valuable opinion


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