Child Abuse Academics

After the amazing success I had with Child Abuse Math, I have adapted the concept to other subjects for Kira and Sam. Kira is really lazy when it comes to handwriting, to the point where what she writes is totally illegible. So I told her to write everything like she has been kidnapped and what she's writing is a note that will let the authorities know where she is so she can be rescued. I say, "Remember, write like you're a hostage!" She says that's annoying, but her writing IS better. Also with her spelling, I give her practice spelling tests and use sentences like this; "Yanked... yanked... The child spelled the word wrong so the teacher yanked her hair out of her scalp." Kira really responds positively to violence. Sam just gets the giggles. Today in school during my LAST DAY OF STUDENT TEACHING (see previous post) the kids had to read about decompression sickness. The text was really dry and boring so I told them that if they were somehow immediately transferred to deep in the ocean the pressure would be so great that they would implode. They wanted to know what that meant so I told them that their bones would all break, their organs would be crushed, blood would ooze out of every orifice of their body, kind of like if you took a mouse and squeezed it in your fist. They were all totally engrossed and more attentive than when I told them anything else the entire month I was there. Kids are sick.