Jill's Inconvenient Labor

I had the weirdest, most vivid dream last night. I was with my friend Jill (Hi Jill!) and we were shopping at the dollar store in Virginia, MN. She was immensely pregnant and ready to pop any second. We went up to the checkout to pay for our stuff, Jill went first, and after she was rung up, but before she paid, her water broke and she ran out of the store to the car. The cashier looked at me like, "Well, are you going to pay for her stuff?" and I told her I would pay half because I was sure Jill would be right back to pay because how inconsiderate of her to run out after she was rung up but before she paid. Strangely, this was fine with the cashier and after I paid (half) I went to the car to check on Jill.

It was her car, a suburban and she was in the back panting. At that point I was a little bit mad at myself for letting her drive because now, obviously, I was stuck with her until the baby was born and I had other stuff I had to get done. I told her to move over so I could put our packages in and then she told me to drive her to my house. Yeah, that's right MY house. (WTF, Jill, ever hear of a hospital?) But she said that her husband/father (who was neither her real-life husband or father) was waiting for her at my house. So we went to my house and the guy was there. In the dream he was mostly her father, but sometimes he was her husband, (you know how dreams are.) So anyway, she was uncomfortable and her father kept checking her cervix, which even in the dream I thought was a little weird. Eventually she wanted to go lay on a bed so she went to my room. I was happy to see her go because with all the panting and moaning I couldn't hear the TV.

Shortly after she went to my room and I was finally able to hear my TV show, her father ran downstairs all worried and panicked and said, "Oh no, Jill is bleeding! Is that normal?" I thought a man who was comfortable with checking his daughter's cervix constantly should know if bleeding during labor is normal or not, and why does he have to bother me about it? Then I decided to go up and check on her myself because she was in my bed and I didn't want her bleeding all over everything. I was going to put some garbage bags down underneath her but she wasn't bleeding all that bad. I thought she and her father were being a little melodramatic about the whole thing and I was just about to confront her about her rudeness when the baby was born. It was her son Ethan (who has been born for 5 years) and he was a baby, but he had his five-year-old head. Jill and her father/husband were really happy and relieved. I was happy because now that it was over they could go home. Then I said, "Jill, you owe me $57.00 from the dollar store."

I'm a real bitch in my dreams.