The scooper

Mitch made dinner tonite and he served us peas with this scooper. It's a nice scooper but we never use it because we used to have one just like when the kids were really little. That scooper was used primarily for scooping turds out of the tub when the kids had accidents in the bath.

There's nothing as surprisingly traumatic as accidentally pooping in the tub, wouldn't you agree? It hasn't happened to me in a quite a while, but when it happened to Sam, Kira was a baby and I was holding her in the water until I saw the little brown floater and then I yanked her out as fast as I could. Sam was panicked. I didn't know what to do! Do I take Sam out even though he's obviously been contaminated? Do I drain the water before I get it out or after? And above all,

HOW THE HELL WAS I GOING TO GET THAT LITTLE TURD OUT!?!

I yelled for Mitch to come and watch Sam while I looked for something utterly disposable to get it out with. I ran into the kitchen and saw the scooper. PERFECT! I ran back into the bathroom where Sam was screaming his head off, begging to get away from the dreaded turd. I yanked him out, put him on a towel, scooped up the little poop, drained the tub, scrubbed it and then threw Sam (who by this time was traumatized, poop-contaminated, and shivering) back in the tub for a Silkwood shower.

Over the next few years that little scooper served us well. We kept it in the bathroom for the occasional accident. When the kids were finally old enough that they weren't pooping in the tub anymore (last year)(Just kidding, Kids! Ha ha!), I threw the scooper away.

Shortly after that, Mitch bought the new one pictured above, partly because he thought it was funny, and partly because it is a useful little tool. We can't use it. Every once in a while we tell ourselves to stop being so childish and just use it already, and then we do and we're grossed out for the rest of the night.

This poop phobia seems a little over-the-top considering we (as in people, not just Mitch and me) probably end up inadvertently eating pounds of it during a lifetime.

Gross.