Friday, August 21, 2009

Worm Pills and World Domination

When Kira was four she declared to us once while we were in Superior, that she is the boss of all of Wisconsin. She was four, it was funny, so we told her okay, she was the boss of all of Wisconsin. Ever since then she gets belligerent and bossy whenever we go to Wisconsin. She usually tells us we have to go have ice cream at Culvers (okay with me!) and that we have to go to Dan's Feed Bin, a farm store that sometimes has big tubs of live baby ducks.

One time Sam got jealous of her power and said he wanted to be the boss of somewhere so we told him he was the boss of West Duluth. He was happy with that because we go to West Duluth about as much as we go to Superior. Pretty soon he figured out that West Duluth is just a town, and Wisconsin is a whole state, and he said he wanted to be the boss of a whole state, so we gave him Florida. Then Kira complained that he got to be the boss of two places so we gave her France.

Today we went over to Superior because I had to get my grotesque pig of a dog worm pills at Dan's Feed Bin. (Turns out Wisconsin is pretty lax when it comes to making what is usually prescription dog medication, OTC medication.) Normally I wouldn't say my dog is a grotesque pig, but why, WHY does she have to eat rabbit turds? Aren't border collies supposed to be smart? There are huge amounts of rabbit droppings under the pine trees around our house and she gorges herself.

As we were crossing the bridge and Kira was being obnoxious about being the boss of Wisconsin, Sam, who is twelve years old and has been the boss of Florida and West Duluth for at least 4 years, finally said, "Hey.... I don't really think it's fair that Kira gets to be the boss of the state we live right next to, and I get Florida. We've never been to Florida. Are we ever going to go to Florida? (no) And why does she get a state and a country, and I only get a portion of a town, and a state we never go to?" By this time we were in Wisconsin so Kira ordered him to shut UP, and me to go to Culvers. Sam didn't give it up though, so to make a long, ridiculous story short, he is now the boss of Florida, both of the Dakotas, West Duluth, and also a few blocks east of West Duluth. I think this is their plot to take over the world.


  1. I don't mean to side with your dog or anything, but rabbit droppings are actually relatively nutritious and definitely edible - by dogs or even by humans.
    Rabbits have a very high metabolism and don't digest food as thoroughly as many other mammals. Since they're herbivorous, their droppings are also not subject to the same bacterial load as carnivores.
    Rabbits will actually eat their own droppings at least once in the wild. People can also safely eat rabbit droppings, although I think I'd have to be pretty hungry to try it.
    Perhaps if you think of it as your dog choosing to eat a salad it would be easier to accept?

  2. But Jared, the worms, my god the worms!

  3. Worms, schmorms. What are a few parasites in the big picture - isn't there enough to go around? Where's the love!?

  4. I don't blame Kira for wanting to rule WI. With it's questionable drug policies (who needs Canada?), liquor sales on Sunday, AND legal fireworks...well, what's not to love?

    It kinda scares me that Jared knows so much about rabbit droppings.

  5. Don't be scared, Anne. It's just one of those weird items I've picked up in a largely misspent life filled with odd trivia.
    I think I heard about rabbit droppings the same week I learned what black ants taste like and how to collect them. The ants were okay; thankfully there were no rabbits (or, more specifically no rabbit droppings) in the vicinity.


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